Beijing Boyce

Email: “Your comments on Rui Fu suggest powers of observation so weak that you would no doubt have trouble matching socks, finding Waldo or counting the fingers on one hand, let alone reviewing a club. “The main floor is divided into two large narrow rooms joined by an opening,” you claim. In fact, there is but one room. “…tables and chairs, then lounge areas, flow until they meet that opening, beyond which figures appear as silhouettes,” you claim. In fact, the “beyond” is actually the first room reflected in a mirror. Nice work, Sherlock Holmes. If you could learn to develop some characters, you might have a future in fiction. (By the way, I loved your “plush karaoke, generic hotel casino, and modernized opium den” reference — kisses!)“ - B. Boyce

BB: I thought I’d beat someone to the punch on that one. Rui Fu does, in fact, have one room. In my own defense, I’m easily distracted, the mirror on the far side is *really* shiny, and it does look like a passageway. Here’s the worst part: Around 10 PM one night, I was writing a review of Rui Fu based on a single one-hour visit and felt that was unfair, so I decided to delay the newsletter, threw on some decent clothes, headed over there, ended up taking to owner Henry Li for an hour, got a better feel for the club, and then came back and ADDED the part about two rooms. Yes, in this case, more research resulted in greater inaccuracy. Go figure.

Email: “W Sports Bar does not have a pool table.” - W. Thomas

b: I was wrong (again). Last issue, I wrote that W has a table hockey game buried amid enough stuff to make for a most excellent yard sale, including, “[a] ping pong table, dartboard, big-screen TV, pool table, art, grand piano, foosball table, etc.”

My bad: mae yo pool table.

Nevertheless, I won’t retract the ensuing comment: “Is there anywhere else in town where you might simultaneously hear “Who’s serve?,” “Bull’s eye!,” “I’ll have two beers, please,” “Eight ball, corner pocket,” and “This is simply too Dadaist for my taste,” all while someone chops out Mozart and a Formula 1 race shows?”

Even without a table, that “eight ball” comment could still easily be heard from a confused ping pong player, coverage of the world pool championships on the big screen, or… actually, forget it, there’s no way I’m going to make a cheap baggy pants joke.

Email: “You’ve listed Club Football as one of our editor’s picks - NO! It’s the unique RED BALL BAR - can you issue a correction?” - H. La

BB: I was wrong again (again). (People should be used to this by now, but no, in flood the emails.) This time, an eagle-eyed staffer from that’s Beijing (TBJ) pointed out that I listed Club Football, rather than Red Ball Bar, as an honorable mention as bar of the year.

(”I love the Ball because it’s so unique and different. There’s a smashing atmosphere, the staff are so friendly and helpful, it’s superb value [where else can you get a bottle/carton of decent wine for RMB 50?] and it’s so different from any other bar I’ve been to,” he/she enthused.)

Fair enough. Correction issued. To err is human, they say, as TBJ itself showed by not giving a single editor’s pick to Browns, even though that place won the popular vote, is frequented by other bar owners and employees… well, you know the story (and yes, that was a cheap shot).

Aside 1: Most of my British friends hate Browns. They disdainfully describe it as typical of this or that horrible bar in London, Muckchester, Corkingham or wherever they call home. Message received — about a million times so far. And I’m sure the Beijing natives living in the Isles aren’t overly fond of the Chinese restaurants there. Such is life. The thing is, we’re not in Britain, nor do most of us hail from there, and Browns is what it is — a place for good, clean fun. Where else will you find seven young guys raucously celebrating a birthday while nearby two couples in their seventies happily boogie to eighties tunes? Not cool, you say? Well, some people dislike pretentiousness or simply aren’t trendy, thus we need Browns, the great melting pot of bars in this city. So, for the love of Buddha, and Ben Elton, please stop the hating! Pretty please? Pretty please with Boddington foam and frozen blood pudding shavings on top?

Aside 2: The mainstream media must be disheartened when amateurs such as yours truly turn on their powers of perception and score a major news scoop. Take my expose on the White Man Overbite dancing epidemic at several Sanlitun hot spots a while back. The China Daily, Wall Street Journal and their kin completely missed that one. Then there’s my most recent scoop: uncovering a direct link between eyeglass-wearing styles and bar success. The evidence accumulated during my lengthy investigation would fill multiple volumes, but let me present two pieces. First, a recent TBJ story about its bar awards ceremony shows not one, not two, but three victorious owners wearing eyeglasses atop their heads, as though they had visually challenged hair follicles that were looking at the ceiling and possibly to a vote-producing deity beyond. Second, numerous other winning owners not pictured in the story were spotted at the ceremony wearing glasses in a similar manner. The link is obvious, but what of its significance? While it is difficult to quantify the positive effects of, for example, a pair of Ray-Ban bifocal sunglasses on revenue, my guess is 22.7 percent, give or take 0.3 percent. (Rose-colored lenses and those for nearsightedness would obviously have less impact.) Contrast this to bar owners who wear baseball hats backwards: I estimate that such low-brows typically see their businesses go bankrupt in a matter of weeks and also stand a fifty-fifty chance of spontaneously combusting. The lesson is simple: bar success is yours if you keep your glasses pointing upward and keep your ball caps pointing forward, and ideally do both (glasses over caps, of course). And remember, you heard it here first.

Email: “It is tres terrible to hear about the Big Easy. It easily had some of the best jazz and singers since my days on

Bourbon Street

before heading for Vietnam in ‘67. Are they going to open somewhere else?” - J.W.

BB: That’s a really good question and I don’t have a clue as to the answer. Maybe The Big Easy will relocate beside the new Latinos! Anyone out there have some inside information?

(From Beijing Boyce XXIII, first emailed on August 31, 2006)

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China Daily reports that Louisiana-themed The Big Easy will be chai’d on Sunday. Chaoyang Park authorities voided the bar’s 13-year lease, signed in 1998, in order to make space for a “peace plaza,” although they didn’t reveal whether this will be a government or commercial venture, states the newspaper. The creative layout, spirited music and Bloody Marys of The Big Easy will be missed. / Before losing its trio of capable bartenders earlier this year, Midnight packed in partiers and pumped out 50-kuai cocktails. Now, a signboard out front advertises 10-kuai drinks, including — and some might prefer this one with two paramedics, stomach pump and stretcher – Gin and Coke. / Browns, bursting at the seams last Saturday night, smartly anchored an ice-filled claw-footed bathtub of bottled beer just inside the door and thus siphoned off some of the thirsty patrons teeming at the bar. (Suggestion: Sell bottled water from the tub, too.) / Berber N, home of tasty kebabs before construction forced its closure on Sanlitun North earlier this year, has reopened across from Tongli Studios. Never have skewered chicken butts been more savory. / The last time I saw words such as “closed for maintenance work,” they were plastered on the door at First Cafe, which shortly thereafter pounded into coaster-size bits. That is, until Tuesday — and I hope it is coincidence — when I spotted them in neat longhand beside the entrance to Mojito, a fairly new place that has Beijing’s only draft Weihenstephaner. (Could a beer have a better name for the China market? The first half sounds delightfully Mandarin and the second evokes the Deutschland.) / Contrary to popular belief, Beijing does have table hockey, courtesy of W Sports Bar, where it is buried amid the ping pong table, dartboard, big-screen TV, pool table, art, grand piano, foosball table, etc. Is there anywhere else in town where you might simultaneously hear “Who’s serve?”, “bull’s eye!”, “I’ll have two beers, please”, “eight ball, corner pocket” and “this is simply too Dadaist for my taste,” all while someone chops out Mozart and a Formula 1 race shows? / Deep in Sanlitun South, a new bar is opening on the second floor of the building that Beer Mania calls home. With W Sports Bar, Q Bar and Yes Club nearby, a new party zone seems to be forming. / Speaking of Q Bar: one crane, four hours, and a dozen people. That’s about what it took to get a five-meter tree and some stone flower beds atop this bar’s increasingly green sixth-floor deck a few weeks ago. Fortunately, should the day come, it will only take a few seconds to get them back down. / With its latest Chicago blues act having returned stateside, Icehouse, the bar part of RBL, now features a mix of local and foreign talent in the form of the Rhythm Dogs (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays). Meanwhile, the employee turnstile spins on as Chef Dan Segal, who joined RBL this year after working at the former Louisiana restaurant in the Hilton, has left for Hong Kong. / Stone Boat continues with its funky live music line-up. The next three Fridays feature Enfants Terribles (electro-jazz, August 11), Muwen (traditional instruments, August 18) and Hanggai (”Mongol roots,” August 25), while Panjir Trio plays Saturdays all month. / Speaking of which, shortly after announcing the readers’ choices for its recent bar and club awards, that’s Beijing (TBJ) published its “editor’s picks.” Top spot of the year honors went to Stone Boat (good ambience and music, though the drinks and service are spotty), with honorable mentions to Area (was it on the ballot?) and Club Football (known primarily for its soccer pitches) [Ed. The bar was in fact Redball]. Nothing against those places, but I don’t think collectively they had the impact of Browns. It exploded onto the bar scene this year, is busy beyond belief, appeals to most every age group, nationality and profession, influences and attracts as customers other bar owners and employees, offers decent food and a good draft beer selection, and, last but not least, won the readers’ vote. Love it or hate it, the place has made a mark. By the way, TBJ deserves kudos for organizing these awards. Cynics claim the magazine uses them to placate sponsors, but since each of the 20 categories has one winner and seven losers, more clients are likely to be upset than pleased. (And if you don’t believe it, then a band of TBJ staffers will roll up their gargantuan 250-page magazines and knock you about like a pinata. Or, maybe not.) / Fromage fans must be quick on the return key trigger when they get Beijing Cheese Society invites. Next week’s California-themed event at Palais sold out in a few hours. / Correction: Last issue, I wrote that 5:19 Bar and Grill was starting a darts league. In fact, it is one of the hosts of the Beijing International Darts League, which welcomes new teams and venues (email Chris “Elvis” Milward at commish@beijing-darts.com).

(From Beijing Boyce XXII, first emailed on August 12, 2006)

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Here are (mostly) brief write-ups on the various venues at which I’ve watched World Cup games.

BROWNS

Germany vs. Costa Rica: This place was wild during the game and the party rocked on afterwards as the (mostly German) fans made ample use of the beer taps and the bar top. The usually empty back room was packed with chairs, tables and patrons. Browns has three huge screens and plenty of small ones, has recently added Beck’s and Stella Artois to its draft beer selection, and gives out handy World Cup schedules. I’ve generally heard good reports from readers about this place.

THE PAVILLION

Serbia and Montenegro vs. Netherlands: The front end of what is arguably the best patio in town was fairly full, with a handful of people inside. The food was limited to a BBQ buffet, which was disappointing, because I had been craving nachos on the way over. Qingdao was on special. The Pavillion has two big projection screens outside and ample smaller screens inside. It’s one of the more relaxing places in town, though I’ve heard mixed reviews about the service.

THE DEN

Iran vs. Mexico: The tasty four-cheese pizza and cold Qingdao was offset by loud dance music (Ace of Base anyone?), which meant no commentary, which helps explain why the place was nearly empty, which was unfortunate as this was a great game. The service was good.

BEER MANIA

England vs. Paraguay: A bit smaller and more subdued than the average venue, this is a cozy place to watch games while quaffing Delirium Tremors (both blond and dark). The owners recently installed a decent-sized projection screen, though I unfortunately caught what was arguably the most game so far on it.

JOHN BULL PUB

Australia vs. Japan: While a small group watched the small bar-side TV upstairs, a handful of us waited by the big screen as two employees futilely tried to get the projector working. I spent 15 minutes watching as they flicked buttons, a waitress shrugged her shoulders and a rough-looking patron yelled about “Dongbei ren” at his acquaintance, then gave myself a red card and left.

W SPORTS BAR

Australia vs. Japan: About 50 boisterous Australian fans were enjoying, on two big screens, a late rally and win by their team (Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oy, oy, oy!). The staff here can handle a bottle opener, but don’t think of asking anything as complicated as, “Is there a World Cup special?” As the only Swedish bar in town, W sends emails calling those from the land of ABBA for their home games.

PHIL’S PUB

South Korea vs. Togo: The number of teams playing in this game, two, was equal to the number of patrons at the bar. It was me and M-Dawg, and his presence had less to do with watching football (Chinese commentary), than with Phil’s letting us to order yangrou chuar from next door. That didn’t stop M-Dawg, who has a friend from Togo, from positing that football is the primitive forerunner of basketball. “At one point, thousands of years ago, a player decided to pick up the ball and throw it into the net, but they found that was too easy, so they made the net smaller and put it into the air, and that’s how we got basketball.” Perhaps, in light of this (voiced) theory, the lack of patrons / football fans was fortuitous.

THE PAVILLION

Spain vs. Ukraine: I went there for work-related reasons and stuck around for the game. The patio was half-full, with seats at the picnic tables available, and the barbecue sizzling away. Pavillion has set up a temporary bar, with four or five draft taps, outside.

FRANK’S PLACE

Ecuador vs. Costa Rica: A friend and I popped into the reincarnation of Beijing’s oldest non-hotel bar. He was impressed with the live guitarist before the game (tunes ranging from Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” to John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy”), the screen on the sparsely populated deck out back (”If you could accuse that screen of anything, you could say you’ve never seen such a clear projection“) and the deck itself (”awesome”). And rather than whisking away my glass and its last swig, as is so common, the waiter asked if I had finished it. Nice.

Unfortunately, this was the exception rather than the rule. The staff didn’t know the price of the special (BBQ plus one Carlsberg for 60 kuai) and first forgot our beer, then our food, then our utensils. They took my after-dinner drink order but not my friend’s, charged us for a Guinness we didn’t drink, wrongly recalculated our bill, and forgot my receipt. As for the drinks, my friend’s two Whisky Sodas looked and tasted completely different, and my Martini came with a massive lemon slice on the rim (!), though the Long Island was decent.

This first experience of the fully functioning Frank’s was slightly surprising given the bar’s team of expatriate employees, numerous investors with Beijing bar scene knowledge, and seemingly eager local employees, including a number plucked from Browns. Several readers have cited similar service problems, though I’ve also indirectly heard that Frank’s is a great place to watch the World Cup, especially since there are eight TVs inside in addition to the one out back (there is also a two-for-one special on Heineken). This is still a nice place to watch games and let’s hope they get the kinks worked out with service soon.

RITAN PARK CENTRAL COMPOUND

England vs. Trinidad and Tobago: I envisioned a garbage-strewn field surrounded by pungent portable toilets, but instead found the one must-visit venue for World Cup viewing. The games are shown in the central compound, on the altar once used for sacrifices to the Sun god, where two big screens are mounted. One has English commentary and the other Chinese commentary, making it amusing as those watching the latter wait in anticipation every time they hear the cheers and groans of those watching the former. The compound is surrounded by circular walls, adorned with Chinese carvings, surrounded by trees. Call it a giant yurt with the top down. There is plenty of seating, all the Qingdao (15 kuai) you could want, and Mojitos (25 kuai), Espresso (around 15 kuai), pizza and more from Havana Light. The only drawbacks: the toilets are, in fact, a bit gross, and by the time the final game ends, the sun is up and it’s hard to see the screens. The entry fee is 30 kuai and includes one beer. An added benefit is that you can pop over to Stone Boat in the late evening for some great live music.

BEER MANIA

Argentina vs. Serbia and Montenegro: I arrived with Argentina winning 3-0 and before I finished my beer and my ham and cheese sandwich, it was 6-0. If anyone’s team is ahead and needs insurance goals, I’m willing to stop by and provide my luck, in exchange for pints and snacks.

RITAN PARK CENTRAL COMPOUND

Ghana vs. Czech; Italy vs. U.S.: What a great place to witness the fastest-paced and arguably most exciting game so far, as Ghana won its first World Cup match by knocking off the highly ranked Czech team, 2-0. They now need to beat the U.S., which put up a ferocious battle against Italy, and benefited greatly from that country’s own goal. Three red cards, a bloodied face, and a futile Italian corner kick in each of the final five minutes. Great games, great location, great fun.

BROWNS

Japan vs. Croatia: Browns is simply a fun place to watch the game, given its good beer selection, tasty food and good layout. This is one place that does not have to be full to have a lot of energy in the air. The big group of Japanese fans beside me had a great time, although I think some of them had ulcers after that tight game, and as they headed out, the Brazilians flowed in, as Browns is apparently their World Cup home base (witness the huge flag on the east wall). This place is probably your best bet if you’re looking for a crowd.

BEER MANIA

Brazil vs. Australia: It was on the way home! There were more people sitting out in front (five) than inside watching the game (three), with Chinese commentary, but who cares when you are watching a valiant effort by Australia and sipping a Caipirinha made by manager Marc.

JOHN BULL PUB

Mexico vs. Portugal: What a difference a quesadilla makes! John Bull Pub has been serving up authentic Mexican food on Fridays and Saturdays and did it again for this Wednesday night game. The result: tasty food and lots of people. Good time all around.

(From Beijing Boyce XIX, first emailed on June 21, 2006)

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Looking for your World Cup fix? The Pavillion and Frank’s Place promise large outdoor screens, while Club Football, Red Ball, John Bull Pub, The Den, Goose and Duck (see below), W Sports Bar, Mojito, and everyone else and their goalkeeper will also be showing games. Is anyone out there (besides me) looking for a place to instead watch the NBA finals? / Beer Mania has added Russian brews to its mostly Belgian menu. Canadian beers will soon be stocked, says management, meaning it’s time to brush up on Canuck-isms, such as “two-four,” “toque,” “take off” and “LCBO.” / Meanwhile, Browns has added Beck’s (Germany) and Stella Artois (Belgium) to its draft beer selection. / A friendly place with good live Xinjiang music, Cheers has a spiffy new look, though management has maintained the happy hour: two-for-one until 10 PM, which translates into 10-kuai Qingdao drafts. (A tip of the shot glass to BB reader Eddie O, for buying the place a bottle of Wild Turkey: “If you’re a Christian, you spread the Gospel. If you’re a bourbon lover, you spread the Bird,” he writes.) / Speaking of which, after visiting Cheers, I had the munchies and headed for nearby Saddle. Given my previous experiences with poor service and fapiao troubles there, it was no surprise that I could not procure a quick burrito as the staff closed up. I took my money instead to Fish Nation, where I soon had some tasty eats. / Dave McCullough, the Grand Poohba of 5:19, noted on that’s Beijing’s forums that, “PiliPili quietly reopened… It looks absolutely gorgeous inside.” / Finally, this issue was pieced together fairly quickly, since I’ve been extra busy at work, have guests in town, and did not have my notes while putting together the final draft. My apologies if it goes down a bit rougher than usual.

(From Beijing Boyce XVII, first emailed on May 27, 2006)

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Six months after my last visit, I returned with M-Dawg and Pony, primarily because our first choice for brunch was closed. (Way to go, Modern Nomads: Next time, prepare a brunch before you advertise it.) Frankly, W really bothers me. First, the buffet brunch (58 kuai, sans drinks): there are plenty of choices, but many are mediocre, and besides the passable sausage and the bacon-wrapped chicken, the “Brazilian BBQ” meat is nothing special. Second, the decor: foosball table, ping pong table and dart board; DJ booth and disco ball; sofas, table seating and barstools; ping pong paraphernalia, modern art and a Sergeant Pepper’s plate on the walls. It’s like being at a trade show for bar and restaurant themes. Finally, the projectiles: is it just me or is it annoying to have ping pong balls zinging at the table during lunch? On the plus side, the place was half-full, so it seems there are Beatles-ping pong-disco-so-so-salad fans out there.

(From Beijing Boyce XIII, first emailed on March 24, 2006)

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The name of this “Nordic style” establishment — W Sports and Music Bar and Restaurant, owned by a former Olympic ping pong champion and a professional hockey player, both hailing from the land of Ikea — hints at the identity crisis within. Is it a music bar (the DJ and KTV shows on the tube), restaurant (pine tables neatly set with cutlery), b (with an emphasis on aqua blue and lemon yellow), pub (standup bar and shelves of alcohol), gymnasium (pool and ping pong tables) or knick-knack shop (assorted paddles — signed — and other souvenirs on sale). And while it’s promoting Swedish food, what’s with the lofty goal of having the best malt whiskey and the claim of having a wide range of beers (um, six)? Then there’s the patio outside, a quite serene place with elegant furniture, a water fountain — and a life-sized cutout of a ping pong player. If establishments had personalities, this one would have more than a handful.

(From Beijing Boyce III, first emailed on November 3, 2005) 

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