Beijing Boyce

Note: I’ll have part 2 of “Last Wednesday Blues” later this afternoon.

Sofitel Hotel’s Vous lobby lounge is defined by 1) its space, which includes over a thousand square meters of floor area topped by eight-meter ceilings, and 2) its decor, which makes for a kind of Alice in Wonderland for the drinking set.

Ceiling-to-floor purple drapes affixed with massive Chinese-style hairpins, light fixtures that span three centuries of style, seats of calfskin, velour and, uh, Holstein patterns (!) and in every shape imaginable, massive swaths of art - there’s much to gaze at and that’s before including the shiny stuff (chandeliers, wall ornaments and the like). The Cellar Rat rested in a plush chair with a back so high his head looked like a pea in a half-opened pod. Only a man of his stature can carry that off with dignity.

As for the drinks, that’s where the fantasy ends. The menu lists seven beers, with Budweiser being near the top end. The house Champagne is Moet Chandon at RMB710, while cocktails are priced around 70 kuai. I found my Mai Tai a bit weak. On the other hand, our waitress was extremely polite and brought a sense of humor to the job.

If Loong bar is a perfect set for a Jackie Chan flick, then this one is better for something more Kafka-esque. Perhaps the lead character - say Scarlett Johansson - is staying in the hotel during a time of personal duress and the staff decides to test her sanity by rearranging the chairs every day. She becomes increasingly discombobulated and, in a climatic dream sequence, blows her brains out on a white velour high-backed chair, only to wake up covered in a strawberry Margarita. The service fee is outrageous.

Okay, let me work on this plot a bit more…