Beijing Boyce

A recent New York Times article provides a 36-hour itinerary for visitors to Beijing that in terms of nightlife selections, well, kind of sucks.* I won’t dissect the entire program - the Panjiayuan market part is headed ‘Capitalism at Work’ (ugh) - but will instead focus on the post-sundown sections. (Note: I’ll refer to the New York Times, or NYT, rather than to the author since it is possible that an editor stateside butchered this piece.)

Kicking things off, the itinerary for Friday night is okay but the one for Saturday night isn’t, so I suggest changing both. (NYT excerpts are in block quotes.)

[Friday] 8 p.m.
3) DUCK FOR DINNER

… The dining room of the Dadong Roast Duck Restaurant (22 Dongsishitiao; 86-10-5169-0328) is rowdy, as Chinese restaurants are supposed to be, and the braised eggplant is sweet and good. The skin of the lean bird is crisp, and its meat — wrapped in a thin pancake with spring onions and a sweet dark sauce — washes down nicely with red wine or beer.

There’s nothing wrong with duck but it works better on Saturday night. Why? Friday’s pre-dinner itinerary takes us to The Forbidden City. I say stay in that area rather than leave it to eat dinner and return again for the NYT bar choice, Bed.

You will find a slew of Chinese restaurants on Houhai’s Lotus Lane. Most menus have pictures of available dishes and make ordering much less intimidating for those unfamiliar with Chinese food. Check the photos at a half-dozen places and then choose a spot - this is a good time to have an adventure and to follow your gut instinct rather than someone else’s itinerary. (Nevertheless, I’ll dig up the names of some of the better places there.) Dining on Lotus Lane makes it easy to grab a coffee at the Starbuck’s (for those who can’t live without it) and take a post-dinner stroll around Houhai and pop into a bar or two on the way to Bed.

Those looking for ‘Western’ eats might check Passby Bar, which has a comfy backpacker feel as well as food with a local twist, such as pizza with roast lamb. Again, this makes it easy to take a tour, this time of Nanluoguxiang, close to Bed.

[Friday] 10 p.m.
4) ANTIQUES AND SANGRIA

Beijing’s best known bar strip, the Sanlitun neighborhood, is a playground for hookers, expatriates and Nigerian drug dealers. Instead, take a cab to the Drum and Bell Towers, and slip into the hutongs, or historic alleys, heading north, toward Bed Bar (17 Zhangwang Hutong; 86-10-8400-1554). Look for a red lantern down a long, quiet lane. A converted machine-parts factory decorated with antique furniture and paintings of the old city, Bed is a pleasant place to drink sangria, talk with friends, and drink more sangria. If you’re with a group, reserve a private room overlooking the courtyard.

Bed is a good choice, though many is the time I have waited at that place for someone who knows his or her way around Beijing fairly well but nevertheless is lost. Suggesting “look for a red lantern down a long, quiet lane” and listing a phone number for the bar might not be enough help for those new to Beijing, though with persistance, and by asking people for directions, they’ll eventually find it.

As for drinks, why would I come to China to drink Sangria? Why not try the local grog (Chinese wine, Beijing beer, and the like) or see if the local bartenders can make a decent drink (at Bed, that means Mojitos)?

Re the Sanlitun** comments, it’s great the New York Times fact-checkers have pinpointed the drug dealers’ nationality: they’re Nigerian! I’d love to see statistics backing this up - if they’re handy (seriously).

By the way, I’m not sure about the past few weeks but during a six-month period that started in May, I wasn’t bothered by any drug dealers in Sanlitun. If they were there, they were less conspicuous and they survived that crackdown a few months back. Re hookers, maybe NYT means the “lady bar” touts - don’t answer them, don’t make eye contact, and just move on. Re expatriates, yes, there are many of them and they tend to be progressively drunker as the night wears on. I repeat - don’t answer them, don’t make eye contact, and just move on. (Even easier, don’t go to Sanlitun in the first place).

On to night number two:

7:30 p.m.
9) KARMA SERVED MEATLESS

Pure Lotus (China Wenlian Courtyard, Changhong Bridge; 86-10-6592-3627) is a vegetarian restaurant whose décor — a lotus motif stenciled from Silk Road grottoes, an altar of fresh flowers, candles in bamboo holders — seems destined for Manhattan…. The dishes have ridiculous karmic names (“Destiny Comes Together as a Cold Plate,” “Yoga Apple Salad”) and some are served amid floral bouquets and dried ice mists, so cynical thoughts should be channeled. Reserve a table in the beautiful main dining room, where the servers sing folk songs.

Pure Lotus is great… if you’re a vegetarian. I can’t imagine being a meateater, having 36 hours in town, and spending one of my two dinners at that place. This is what to have: 1) Beijing duck, 2) Xinjiang food, or 3) Sichuan food. These options feature food that is acceptable to most visitors and fun to share. They are also good alternatives for Saturday lunch (in lieu of Kong Yiji).

Since it’s Saturday, traffic is lighter and there is more flexiblity to pick a spot. Possibilities include Red Rose for Xinjiang food, Dadong (as noted by NYT) for Beijing duck, or Chuan Ban for Sichuan (this is the provincial office’s restaurant and slightly hard to find). I’m a fan of the Dongbei-style restaurant Manchurian Special Flavor Jianzi Restaurant, too.

11 p.m.

10) A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC

Centro (1 Guanghua Lu; 86-10-6561-8833 extension 42; www.shangri-la.com) is a lounge in the Kerry Centre Hotel in the desolate central business district where Western men in pinstriped suits and Chinese women with pearls drink, flirt and listen to jazz standards. The younger, and more adventurous, will head to faraway D-22, a rock club in the city’s university district (242 Chengfu Road; 86-10-6265-3177; www.d22beijing.com). In a country where the radio waves are controlled by the party and love songs by pretty girls are ubiquitous, rock ‘n’ roll is still considered esoteric. The house bands at D-22 — Carsick Cars, Hedgehog and others — are trying to change that.

NYT describes Centro as in “the desolate central business district” and as “where Western men in pinstriped suits and Chinese women with pearls drink, flirt and listen to jazz standards.” This is supposed to appeal to us? Hmm. Centro is okay if you live in Beijing, but if you’re visiting, go to The World of Suzie Wong. It’s a Beijing institution with something for those who like to boogie (a dance floor), relax with a drink (opium bed-style seating) or sit out on nice nights (a spacious deck). If it doesn’t end up being your style, other venues - Pepper, Souk, Block 8 (including the somewhat Centro-like I-Ultra Lounge) - are within walking distance and allow you to hit a few bars in one night. Or you can cab it to Workers’ Stadium, Sanlitun, Lucky Street, or elsewhere.

As for D-22, it’s a hike from downtown, but if you’re in Beijing and local live music scenes are your gig, then why not?

* As much for the choices as for the way in which they are described.

** By Sanlitun, I take it the NYT means the Sanlitun North strip with the long row of copy-cat bars (where the “lady bar” touts hang out) and the Tongli Studio area nearby (which is associated with drug dealers), not Sanlitun South, the home of The Bookworm, The Rickshaw, Q Bar and other spots).

Note: For another take on the NYT itinerary, see A Modern Lei Fong.

In Last Wednesday blues, part 1, I covered adventures at Sequoia Cafe, LG Towers, Kenny Rogers Roasters and McDonald’s. Now it’s time to go out on the town, visit Block 8, Suzie Wong and China Doll, and get fashion advice from Special K.

Block 8
I pick up Special K on the way to Blanes “ten most influential Beijing people“ party, which is linked to Spencer Grey (Alfa, Muse, etc). Hang on: hasn’t this party already happened a dozen times this year? Anyway, I can tell by the look of Special’s K shirt that he doesn’t own an iron. On the positive side, if he gets in a fight or falls asleep on a park bench, it can’t get any more wrinkled.

We catch the last half of the awards - the winners include Alan Wong (of Block 8, no less) as bar creator, Jackson Ren (of Aria) as bartender and Bai Cai as DJ. It seems very “group hug” to me.

Afterwards, we go to a VIP area in I-Ultra Lounge (in Block 8) to drink free Champagne and vodka with about 40 other people. Some observations:
- There is a nice group of locals beside me and we toast each other and relax. Unfortunately…
- Some guy drinks two Champagne flutes of vodka in about 15 minutes, breaks the glass, and two minutes later breaks another one, leaving a mess.
- At the next table, an extremely drunk guy, face red as a lobster, repeatedly (endlessly?) shouts slogans and encourages everyone nearby to repeat them, even though there is ZERO interest in this.
- Another guy takes me aside and asks several times, “Where do you see Beijing Boyce in three years?” In such cases, I try to provide a polite answer, such as “helping orphans and whatnot”, but my overriding thought is “anywhere but this place.”
- Half of the women in our area are taking advantage of the photographers on hand to pose for vanity shots.
- And I think I spot Special K drink his fifteenth glass of Champagne - you gotta keep an eye on this guy.
- Anyway, after the free Champers dries up, most people quickly disappear, including the glass dropper and the yeller. Special K, a patron I’ll refer to as JS, and I order - that is, pay for – two more bottles. Alan Wong, don’t say we don’t care!

It is past midnight, time for bed, and we do the only thing possible when Special K is past a half-dozen drinks: onward ho!

The World of Suzie Wong
This is my first visit to ladies night and the place is moderately full. We order three Gin Tonics and the pours are weak. Before the bartender adds the mix, we note the weakness of the drinks, he denies it, and I want to get a shot glass and strain the alcohol from the ice to prove our case. JG says he has guanxi and will talk to the manager. He comes back five minutes later and says in exasperation, “I can’t believe it!” It appears his guanxi is gone.

Meanwhile, Special K learns it’s best to wear a protective cup on ladies night, as some of the drunker attendees like to check out your assets before asking your name. We quickly finish what Suzie Wong calls a Gin Tonic and head to

China Doll
If you rank my current desire to go to China Doll between one and ten, with one being “I’d rather tattoo an image of a dragon fruit on my forehead with a rusty fork prong” and ten being “I’d rather hang out with that slogan-yelling guy from Block 8,” it was somewhere in the middle.

China Doll turns out to be okay. The drinks are good, the bartenders are proficient. The place is lightly filled, with a handful of people around the bar and several full tables in those canopied lounge areas.

I see an editor from a local magazine. He apparently didn’t like an email exchange we had earlier today and he calls me, in colloquial terms, an anus. He is really drunk and I guess some might think he has a point. I ask the staff to change his diaper, give him a fresh bottle (with a touch of Bailey’s) and rock him to sleep.

Then, I search for Special K. I spot the wrinkled shirt. He has made friends with Czech students and once again shown his tolerance for the peoples, and especially the women, of the world. I check the time and decide to head home - right after this drink - so I can get a few hours sleep before those jackhammers start.

After a lull in The Land Down Under, wine guru Sir Campbell Thompson is back in Beijing for good. I met him on Saturday night for a lengthy tour of the local sights. Some random observations:

Block 8: The third-floor bar - I-Ultra Lounge - reminds me of a super-sized Centro. We headed to the rooftop bar, The Beach, where lounge areas surrounded by sand sit amid a network of elevated walkways. You’ll fork out 2000 kuai for one such spot and up to 5000 kuai for premium spaces. The only free seating - or free standing, given there were no chairs - was at a large round bar in the far corner. The place seemed somewhat soulless - maybe it was the too-slick design, lack of greenery, the nasty night pollution or the fact we were the only patrons - so to be fair another visit is in order, especially since several readers have praised this place, although usually in relation to the eye candy they say patronizes it.

In any case, given the beach theme, you might expect Margaritas and Pina Coladas on the menu. They aren’t. 42 Below vodka and Tanqueray gin are, but were out of stock, so we settled for Bombay Sapphire GTs at 55 kuai. I suppose the price was worth it given the spectacle of a bartender twisting the base of a tonic can into his hand, thus forming a vacuum and allowing him to pour the mixer without using his fingers (try it at home, it’s surprisingly easy). By the way, best to book a table at The Beach - as we left the staff told us that every spot had been reserved for the night.

Suzie Wong: The third-floor area has been redecorated since my last visit and reaching the deck now requires a trip through the back end of the dance floor, but other than that, it was the same old Suzie. We parked on the deck and enjoyed bottled Stella as the place steadily filled with a most diverse crowd - a woman anxiously sitting alone (let’s hope the guy showed up), several groups of local friends, a man out cold on a bench, the usual gaggle of older expat male-younger Chinese female couples, and so on. I’ve never been a big fan of Suzie Wong in general, but I’ve always liked the deck - earthy, nicely lit and seeming as though it’s cut off from the city.

Q Bar: This night saw a light crowd, and while the music is too loud inside, the place does have its compensations - the Q Bar team is well-trained and the drinks are good. Sir C had a Lychee Margarita and engaged co-owner Echo in a discussion as to whether there should be salt (as he likes) or sugar (as many customers prefer) on the rim. I had a Horse Neck, a pleasant drink with Bourbon, ginger ale, and a long curl of lemon peel. Just before we left, a guy walked up and ordered ten Jagermeister shots. Sir C sternly described this as a blasphemous request in such a cocktail heaven and nearly beat him to death with a mint masher (just kidding). By the way, Q Bar’s collection of single malts continues to grow.

The Rickshaw: A rugby had just ended and the place was packed with Aussies and Kiwis - Sir C, being a member of the former tribe, knew half the people there. It was Stella yet again.

China Doll: The second floor seethed with dancers. We struggled to the bar and decided on hydration - the fruity Ai Wan Jamaica. The patrons to our left were most happy and eclectic - one wore a suit, thick dark-rimmed glasses and a foamy farmer’s hat, another had a sleeveless T-shirt and Scott Baio aura, and so on. Celebration was in the air and we speculated about a newly signed joint venture, hopefully one that will produce some kind of vacuum to suck coal particles from the air in summer andGobi sand in the winter - the latter can be used to replenish The Beach. People-watching at its finest…

Cheers: This place was also hopping, to live music. Even better, Sir C - who used to play in a band - knew one of the musicians, a guy from Madagascar. I’m not sure what they talked about it, but perhaps it concerned their two countries containing at least half of the world’s weirdest creatures.

Maggies: This place was even more packed than China Doll, with men far outnumbering the women - the horror! My advice to these guys: why not just go to China Doll to meet the opposite sex? We parked outside and watched people pass while Sir C enjoyed one of Maggies most excellent hotdogs. By the way, you know a guy is drunk beyond redemption if he squints at me to see if I might be a potential “short-term” female companion. Realizing that being packed like sardines in a can with hundreds of other guys wasn’t our thing, we decided against going inside and instead bid farewell and called a close to a busy but fun night…

Welcome to Readers’ Writes week, starring the collective wisdom of 17 fellow bar-goers who answered my survey about their favorite Beijing drinking holes and the city’s nightlife scene. They include men and women, span five decades in age, hail from four continents, and provide some appreciated insights. (Note: This first appeared in last week’s newsletter. To get the newsletter, send an email with “Eat, Drink and Be Merry” in the subject line to beijingboyce@yahoo.com.)

Without further ado…

OLIVER SEDLINGER, Austrian, 6 years

Favorite Beijing Bar(s)
Cafe Pause and Cafe Europa for wine from home (Austria), Q Bar and Bed for drinks and cocktails, Maggie’s for 80s music and eye candy.

All-time Favorite Bar(s)
First Cafe, Neo Lounge

The Beijing scene
Beijing needs a place like YY in Shanghai

BH, American, business manager, 9 years in China

Favorites
As a thirty-something ex-pat, the Pavillion works for me. Nice atmosphere (especially during the warm weather months), few if any twenty-something riff-raff, lots of screens playing sporting events, and a “real” bar with footrests. For similar atmosphere (a la Lost in Translation), Red Moon is also a nice spot. Centro has somehow managed to retain its reasonably hip and comfortable “see-and-be-seen” atmosphere.

All-time
No Name at Houhai - the low-key atmosphere is the perfect alternative for those who can’t stand Babyface (or similar). Goose and Duck is, IMO, the single best “drinker’s bar” in Beijing. Good cheap draft beer. Genuinely friendly staff. Always a fun crowd (as opposed to Suzie Wong’s, across the street, where it seems everyone is itching to get into a fistfight - over girls, perhaps? Could that be possible in a town that has Maggie’s?). And pretty good snacks to match (best Sloppy Joe in town, IMO).

The scene
There are truly, positively, 100 percent without a doubt, not enough “real” bars in Beijing. And by “bars” I mean places where people go to unwind after a long day, perhaps catch a game on TV, chit chat with the bartender, etc. This must be the case if I find the bar at Friday’s (by St. Regis) to be among the best “bars” in town. At some point, the night scene here became usurped by an obsession with fashion, design (often bad), and bar-owner narcissism. Beyond that, the “pure” dance scene seems to be great. However, it is clear (from comments made to me by both men and women) that there is very little here between the traditional “bar” and “can’t hear you screaming over the music” nightclubs. There is a large group of frustrated singles out there who find it virtually impossible to find a nice little place with good music where nice people can mingle (The Tree comes to mind here, in terms of what Beijing needs more of).

STELLA GUO, Chinese, freelancer, 20 years

Favorites
Q-Bar: The place to end the evening (slumped over the bar ;- ) ). Great mixed drinks and friendly owners / bartenders
All-time
The Tree: Stinky four cheese pizza and Belgian beers
Touch Bar by Houhai: Not for the drinks, but a place to relax and watch the world go by, especially good on a warm spring afternoon
The scene
While there’re lots of bars in Beijing and new ones coming up every day, most kind of run together and good drinking spots are still hard to come by.

CHELSEY “LIVING THE DREAM” MARK, Canadian, performer / host / actor / singer / artist / model / freedom fighter / nightlife writer, 7 years

Favorites
Zeta, mainly because my friend is the manager there and the DJ is also my friend… ha! It’s like my Cheers in Beijing. I’ll always know that Sammy, Norm and Cliff will always be there… :)
I usually follow my party friends, which have finally moved from Suzie Wong to China Doll, which is nice… People at China Doll seem to be more polite and a little less “tipsy.”
Goose and Duck … John is going to rock it with the new space … he also sponsors my ice hockey team here! Go Hot Wings! The Jerseys are the coolest thing on ice…

All-time
Kai, because you can drop in any time, the staff are always calm and will never give you attitude, the drinks are cheap, the music is always an adventure, in a good way! And people are always ready to have fun and meet people. The size is perfect. Summer time … man, look out!

The scene
Beijing’s drinking scene is vast, don’t get sucked into always frequenting the same bars, have some fun and go to random places. Stick the bar list on the wall, and take your pick. Get used to having bad cocktails - there are few places in the city that can actually mix proper drinks, i.e. Centro, Zeta. Also, be aware of the fake alcohol, so if you want play it safe, stick to bottled drinks. When ordering, speak slowly, check it twice, and get used to the slow service in receiving your drink and change.

Welcome to Readers’ Writes week, starring the collective wisdom of 17 fellow bar-goers who answered my survey about their favorite Beijing drinking holes and the city’s general nightlife scene. They include men and women, span five decades in age, hail from four continents, and provide some appreciated insights. (Note: This first appeared in last week’s newsletter. To get the newsletter, send an email with “Eat, Drink and Be Merry” in the subject line to beijingboyce@yahoo.com.)

Without further ado…

DON ST. PIERRE, U.S. and “Canuck” citizen, founder of ASC Fine Wines, 21 years in Beijing and “only a little bit crazy”

Your favorite bar(s), and why
The Capital Club: It’s very relaxed, with many friends, and the best service in town. I helped design the bar.
The Pavillion: I love getting there early and chatting with my good friends Russell and Christine, even though neither of them drinks wine, and Christine not at all. Lots of old friends there, too, and it’s right on my way home. No detour necessary.
The Press Club bar in the St. Regis: It’s where I live and I can crawl home if I have to.
Capone’s: Strictly because of the singer Bobby Taylor, and Dougie, his piano player. My kind of music. Lots of Motown.

Your all-time favorite bar(s) and why
The Old Frank’s Place… friends, friends, friends
The Capital Club: Somebody asked about 10 years ago, “What time do you close?” and Dennis the bartender replied straight-faced, “When Don leaves.”

Thoughts on the local drinking scene
Generally speaking, a little low on class and I’m surprised so many people haven’t figured out that cheap drinks equals poor service. You can’t buy a Rolls Royce for the price of a Tianjin Diahatsu! The best days were the old days with my band of Beijing Jeep expats in places like Charlie’s Bar and The Gallery in the Lido. Lots of yelling and screaming and cursing, but we accomplished a lot.

OLLI ROBINSON, British, editor, 2 years

Favorites
The Saddle: I’ll always respect a place where the owner says you can carry on sleeping at the bar as long as you lock up when you leave. Plus, the fact the drinks are cheap, it’s unpretentious and the burritos aren’t half bad.
Red Ball: Beer + Football = : )
Luna: Great decor, good wine, friendly service - all in a nice part of town

All-time
Nanjie: The perfect place for any Beijing newcomer. Hot, steamy and sleazy. And cheap - very important for Beijing’s unemployed laowai community.
Yugong Yishan: Well… it’s Yugong Yishan.
Bed: In my opinion, the measure of a bar is if you could plonk it down in any city around the world and it would still be considered cool, even outside Beijing, you have yourself a fine establishment. Bed is one such place.
The Tree: I never had the fortune of frequenting the Hidden Tree, but its successor is a comfortable, sociable place to drink good beer.

The scene
While not being the most sophisticated night out, Beijing’s still… fun

EDDIE O

Favorites
My spot is Cheers. They don’t try and put on any airs, the prices are right and there is a good mix of live music and recorded stuff to request. Where else will they play the La Marseillaise, George Thorogood, Celine Dion and Frank Sinatra in the same hour while selling you a shot of Wild Turkey for 30 kuai?

JASON BEDFORD, Canadian, financial advisor, 3.5 years

Favorites
It’s hard to name one place because depending on my mood / situation, I normally vary between three places. When I’m with close friends or friends from out of town, I normally go with Suzie Wong’s: somewhat classy with an old Shanghai feel to it, drinks are good albeit pricey, and lots of women. If I am with colleagues, a date or just want a quiet drink, I’ll normally hit Centro (close by and the happy hour makes the prices pretty reasonable). If I’m feeling young and looking to get very inebriated, then Shooters is the place for me.

All-time
The recently torn down First Cafe. Made me feel like I was back home and the martinis are the best I have ever had. I was definitely sad to see it go… On that note, has anywhere managed to stand up to the plate and replace it?

The scene
I’ll go with a memory… In the two and a half years since South Street bar street was torn down, nothing new has ever quite been able to capture the same energy. The string of cheap bars there were so small that there was never enough room to seat the flock of people that would inevitably show up every weekend, forcing people outside onto the street, making every weekend seem like a little street party. Some of the old bars from there have reappeared (i.e. Pure Girl and Taniwha) but it’s just not the same…

This is the follow up post to Browns: Love It…

No bar gets more hate than Browns (except Bar Blu, but that place deserves it*, and Maggies). Here’s a self-interview that seeks insights into the animosity**:

Who hates Browns?

Many British people: apparently, Browns reminds them of pubs (including one called Wetherspoon’s) back on the island(s). Fair enough.

Anyone else?

One observer typifies Browns haters as those who “prefer to sit on old stinky beds (known as opium den-style furnishings), smoke hookahs, sip Mojitos and make what they consider devastatingly insightful observations - ‘What’s happening to China ’s youth has parallels in The Outsiders and Trainspotting.’”

Not all Browns haters fit this category. Some find the place disgustingly low-rent and prefer 49-kuai pints of Carlsberg at elite spots such as Face. Others like the predictable corporate nature of hotel bars such as Centro. Still others consider themselves “cutting edge,” aligned to a fringe music, art or cultural scene that, by definition, requires the rejection of Browns. Finally, a number work for the city’s English-language lifestyle magazines and seemingly were required to swear an oath to scorn anything their readers enjoy.

Why do they hate Browns?

You can’t pretend to be an intellectual, kick back and act like a colonial master, or feel cutting-edge - if you hang at Browns. As M-Dawg put it in an instant message, “Browns is real life. It’s the Grand Central Station of bars. No pretensions, utilitarian, everyone uses it from the businessman and the cultural elite to English teachers and the slightly insane.”

I also think some people hate Browns because they are afraid to dance in public.

Dancing?

Yes, people frequently dance on the bar top at Browns. It’s the often vain and cheesy public equivalent of displaying your singing skill at karaoke.

Isn’t Browns a meat market?

If it is, then places such as Bar Blu, Vics and Suzie Wong are full-on abattoirs. Some people do go to Browns to pick up, but most go with friends, employees, co-workers or students, and represent nearly every nationality, age group and profession.

Does Browns have hookahs?

No. If it did, then those who hate the place would give them up and turn to something else - Chivas and yak’s milk, perhaps. Management isn’t that cruel.

So what does it have?

It has good wings, a decent draft beer selection, high ceilings that disperse smoke, bar and lounge seating, a coat check. It’s close to Q Bar, Bookworm and Tongli Studios. At times, it can feel slightly sleazy and/or dismal, but usually it is fun if you are with a group of friends. Regulars who resemble Steven Segal, Scarlett Johannsson and Kim Jong-Il offer tremendous unintentional comedy.

What would be an example of poetic justice?

If Browns closed up shop and its patrons immediately headed to those bars that the haters frequent. Even better if the patrons arrived in tank tops and baseball hats, and upon entering said “yo.”

Yo?

Yo!

Notes:

* Kidding

** I know at least five people who will think this post is about them. It’s not; it’s based on about 20 comments over the past year.

City Weekend has published a Restaurant & Bar Guide that not only is good, but also is free! I have long griped about City Weekend, including to the managing editor, who is no doubt tired of my free “cnstructive” criticism whenever I run into him in the local bars. Happily, the guide and the magazine’s recent design upgrade deserve praise as a major step in the right direction, though the content still needs a boost, something I am told is forthcoming. The guide itself includes useful lists such as “Where you drink if you are a sport fanatic” (Goose and Duck, Pavillion, Bar Blu) and “Over 30… but not over the hill” (Browns, Q Bar, Suzie Wong, East Shore Live Jazz), as well as nightlife itineraries for couples and singles. / I am again delaying my review of the Wine and Spirits Education Trust class I attended late last month, mainly because I’m too swamped to transcribe my notes, but I do hope to have it and the long overdue review of Bed next issue. / Last year, that’s Beijing organized a Christmas funk party to raise money for a heart operation for an orphan named Tian Yue. Unfortunately, the Scrooge-like venue undermined the magazine’s Santa-like intentions, and the call went out for donations. Several newsletter readers helped out, including Agent Hidden Dragon and K-Ro, and will be happy to know that I attended Tian Yue’s birthday party last week and found her healthy, happy and, since was recently adopted  about to move to the U.S. and start a new life. / Whether you are hanging out in Beijing or heading out of the city, have a safe and happy holiday. Eat, Drink and Be Merry. Cheers, BB.

(From Beijing Boyce XXIV, first emailed on September 21, 2006)

People frequently ask me to recommend bars for their visitors to Beijing. Whether it is an incoming friend, client, parent, fellow Scientologist, long lost uncle, mail order bride or paroled pen pal in question, I would dearly love to answer such requests by spouting out a perfect itinerary. (Actually, paroled pen pals are easy: take them to The Bookworm, since its fully-loaded shelves will appeal to their literary side and the clusters of MBA students can help an ex-con who is long on ideas but in short supply of professionally written business plans. Class project!)

But I have a hard time figuring out where to take my own guests, let alone those of other people. I generally skim through bar listings, ask co-workers, call my friends, throw oracle bones and endure cold sweats as I create a decent plan. That plan, once in action, invariably runs into the great wall of harsh reality, built from the bricks of snap decisions and the mortar of compromise. An experience some time ago reminded me of this wall and re-taught me some basic principles for getting over it.

The situation: A group of six middle-aged business types visit Beijing. I know two very well, two fairly well, and two not at all. The mission: take them out for dinner and drinks on two consecutive nights.

Night one: I take the two I know very well and one of the strangers to dinner at Xihe Yaju. Beijing duck is a safe bet that becomes a guaranteed winner when you have beautiful weather, a table out back and an excellent bottle of wine — as we did. Next stop: The Pavillion. Two more people joined us, and we shared another bottle of wine while enjoying the spacious patio and the serenity amid the trees. Nice. Most of the group then headed to the hotel, while two survivors and I hit one last spot, Suzie Wong (thanks to Agent Red Wolf for the idea). With its interesting decor, cozy deck and top-notch people-watching opportunities, this is a good stop for almost any visitor to Beijing, even on a slow Sunday night. The end result was a night that included some classic Beijing food, a cozy patio, and a landmark bar.

Night two: I began this one as a guest, rather than a host, as we had some Xinjiang food and then took a stroll down Sanlitun North on our way for a drink at Apertivo. Our host then headed home and the onus for picking the next spot fell on me. Our group included four people: two that I knew well, considered my main guests, and thought would best like a good drink; and two that I didn’t know well and who were a bit restless. My gut feeling was to take the first pair to a reliable spot such as Browns or Q Bar, but the second pair seemed lukewarm with that, so we instead headed to another spot that turns up in guidebooks, Maggie’s. As it turns out, Maggie’s was sparsely populated, the music didn’t match our mood, it wasn’t really this group’s style, and the evening was as anticlimactic as it gets. And it happened because I ignored a few simple rules from the “common sense” category.

1. Take control. Choose the itinerary or surrender responsibility to your guests, but don’t be a wishy-washy Charlie Brown. If everyone has read in their guidebooks about Suzie Wong and wants to go there, then the decision is made for you. But if they’re new to town and forget their books at the hotel, take charge, and when doing so…

2. Stick to the tried and true. Even better, stick to the tried and true that offer the most acceptable worst-case scenarios. For Browns, a reasonable worst case would be that the place is empty, but still comfortable and with a good beer selection. For Q Bar, it might be that rain has closed the deck, but patrons can still sit at the pleasant bar and drink some excellent cocktails. In both cases, the worst isn’t so bad. This helps to..

3. Avoid the great unknowns. I have had fun times at Maggie’s, usually with Agent Red Wolf or O-Zone at 3 AM on a Saturday night when the place is full, we’ve already had a few cocktails, and hearing Welcome to the Jungle sounds like a good idea. But in this case, it was a Monday at 10:30 PM, and I even qualified the visit beforehand by saying it wasn’t likely to be good. As a former boss used to be fond of saying, “when in doubt, leave it out.” Instead, I left Maggie’s in, and by doing so, forgot another key rule…

4. Focus on the core group. By sidestepping Browns and Q Bar, I gave up what was likely to be a good experience for the two people that I knew best, and possibly for all four, in exchange for a gamble on behalf of the two people I knew least. That’s like hitting on 17 in blackjack.

In hindsight, this all seems pretty simple. (Then again, so does making a decent martini, though how many people can do it?) But if you’re handling a group that is impatiently waiting near some taxis, or trying to get people in different parts of the city to one spot, or dealing with people from different age, cultural or other groups, it can get pretty tricky. So maybe falling back on a few basic rules can keep your night out going forward. In any case, I’m going to start contacting numerous party animals and bar and restaurant experts that I know, and in future newsletters will list some possible itineraries for a fun night in Beijing.

(From Beijing Boyce XXIII, first emailed on August 31, 2006)

Suzie Wong marked her birthday with a massive party last Saturday night that reportedly saw hundreds of people lining up at the door. / 5:19 Bar and Grill is starting a darts league next month and has all-you-can-drink Fridays (100 kuai until end of August) and all-you-can-drink draft on Wednesdays (50 kuai and up, depending on your poison). / First the Sanlitun beer mug was chai’d and now another nearby spot is on the dust heap of Beijing bar history. (See below: The Last of the First) / Wine-wise, Palette Vino in Shunyi has opened a kitchen to complement its wine tasting area; Summergate will host an Elderton wine tasting on August 1 at Bentos and Berries (50 kuai; reservations required); ASC Fine Wines will start its Wine & Spirit Education Trust (WSET) courses later this summer and will hold a cocktail party featuring Freixenet sparkling wine on July 29 at Bed (60 kuai, includes two drinks); and The Cellar has memberships available in its wine club. / The Bookworm will soon launch a second branch - in Chengdu. / And after a short hiatus, the Beijing Cheese Society was back in action Monday, with a tasting of English artisanal cheeses at Le Palais. Speaking of which, Aria is holding The Pleasure of Cheese, with fromage from “the finest cheese capitals of the world,” August 1-25.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006) 

Bar and club owners and employees were out in force at the Kunlun Hotel two weeks ago for the annual that’s Beijing awards. More than 30 establishments took home prizes in 20 categories that each included a winner and two or three honorable mentions (HMs). Centro (4 wins, 2 HMs), Suzie Wong (3 wins, 2 HMs) and Browns (2 wins, 4 HMs) led the way, followed by Bed (2 wins, 1 HM), Pavillion (three HMs) and Aria (3 HMs). Bar Blu and The Tree each won two categories. None of the winners seemed unduly unjustified, although I was surprised that Bar Blu won for best outdoor space, given that its deck has been halved since last year and there has been a recent (perhaps too recent) proliferation of excellent patios and rooftops. The place obviously has a loyal clientele, so good on them. The winners, with honorable mentions in parentheses:

Bar/Club of the Year: Browns (Centro, Suzie Wong’s) 

After-Hours Club: Suzie Wong’s (Bed, Maggie’s) 

Bar Snacks: The Tree (Souk, The Den) 

Beer Selection: The Tree (Beer Mania, Browns) 

Cocktails: Centro (Alfa, Q Bar) 

Dance Club: Vics (Babyface, Coco Banana, Destination) 

Decor: Bed (Redmoon, Suzie Wong’s) 

Cheap Drinks: Nanjie (Black Sun Bar, Kai) 

People Watching: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Maggie’s) 

Happy Hour: Bar Blu (Browns, Centro) 

Hotel Bar: Centro (Aria, Redmoon) 

Live Music: Yugong Yishan (D-22, Icehouse) 

New Bar: Browns (D-22, Frank’s Place) 

Outdoor Terrace: Bar Blu (Pavillion, Stone Boat) 

Business Networking: Centro (Aria, Pavillion, The Bookworm) 

Place to Bring a Date: Bed (No Name Bar, Souk) 

Place to Find a Date: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Destination) 

Sports Bar: Goose & Duck Pub (ClubFootball, Pavillion) 

Student Hangout: Lush (Kai, Propaganda)

Wine Selection: Centro (Aria, CourtYard, The Cellar)

Afterwards, I ended up at Indian Kitchen for dinner (this place should get an HM for Best Dance Club given the number of people bopping about) and then popped into Q Bar to congratulate bartenders-owners George Zhou and Echo Sun, who were prominently displaying their HM for best cocktails (not bad for a month-old bar), and to meet Roger Dutton and Kevin McCartan of Frank’s Place, which received its own HM in the best new bar category. Congratulations to all of the winners and the honorable mentions.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

that’s Beijing announces its annual bars and clubs awards tonight. Below, in capital letters, are the places I think deserve to win (all in my extremely humble opinion, of course).

Hotel Bar

I usually frequent hotel bars for work-related reasons and have to give Centro credit: there is always a decent number of people, usually decent martinis and sometimes decent live jazz. In terms of slickness, it’s about as dependable as Beijing bars get. Expect this category to be much more crowded next year with new bars in the Crowne Plaza, Hilton and other hotels competing against older ones such as Centro, Hyatt’s Redmoon and Shangri La’s Cloud Nine.

Bar Snacks

Saddle (burritos) and Fish Nation (our fine-finned friend with chips) both offer good filler in Sanlitun north, Bellagio has the Taiwanese angle covered, Cafe Pause, while technically not a bar, has tasty snacks up in the 798 Art District, and there are innumerable kebab stands where night owls may bulk up on meat and fat, not to mention a week’s worth of salt. Decent eats these are all, but I’m giving a slight edge to two places: Mojito, which despite it’s somewhat car-park like feel offers up the super tasty Mexican hamburger, and The Den, which pumps out the pizza and deep-fried goodies 24/7.

Place to Dance

A few years ago I did the White Man Shuffle as well as any endomorph. Alack and alas, I have now regressed to a mere wiggle, usually in the shadows, and what could be more ideal than a place where everyone else’s eyes are glued to the writhers busting moves on the bar top. The award thus goes to Browns, with honorable mentions to Suzie Wong’s and Maggie’s.

Cheap drinks

Phil’s Pub: A standout among the plethora of 10-kuai drink joints, with friendly owners, a decent layout and better-than-average drinks, not to mention a convenient location just 200 yards from my apartment (how selfish). Plus, the place lets patrons order in kebabs.

People Watching

Apertivo, No-name Bar, Centro, Maggie’s and numerous other places all merit mention in this tough category, but if a winner must be named, and if it counts as a bar, this award goes to The Bookworm, where you can not only scope out the patrons, but also overhear phone calls and conversations, discover a potential mate’s reading preferences (“Dan Brown? Next!“), and see if their caffeine fix comes from lattes, Diet Cokes or Irish coffees. (Yes, yes, The Bookworm is not exactly a bar or club, but they do sell ample quantities of beer, wine and cocktails, and besides, that’s Beijing has the place listed on its ballot, so blame them!)

Happy Hour

Centro offers great high-end value with their two-for-one cocktails, Beer Mania has 500 ML of Belgian draft for 40 kuai and discounted bottled Belgian Beer until 8 PM, The Den offers two-for-one pizza and beer, and Cheers pours two Wild Turkey shots for 30 RMB until 10 PM. What makes a happy hour superior depends on where you feel comfortable and what you like to drink, and the places all above excel in their own ways, so this is a four-way tie.

Best Outdoor

Another tough category, with contenders such as Bar Blu and Top Club (nice rooftops, same building), Q Bar (an even bigger rooftop, though the chairs are a bit hard), Hai Bar (a dark horse that offers cheap beers and views of Houhai on one side and the drum and bell towers on the other), Nuage (the same views, but fancier decor and higher prices), Suzie Wong’s (a nice getaway from the crowds inside, plus some of the best plastic plants in town), and The Pomegranate (for those in Shunyi). But the best of the bunch are Stone Boat, a small Qing-dynasty era spot set on a pond surrounded by trees and rocks in central Beijing‘s Ritan Park, and The Pavillion, with a lovely backyard made extremely cozy with comfortable wicker seating, elegant trees, and mellow lighting.

Business Networking

For drawing a diverse crowd that includes business executives, English teachers, homemakers, writers, MBA students and most everyone else, the award should go The Bookworm. There is no place, except perhaps for First Cafe last year, where I have made more connections.

Best Place for a Date

Le Cafe Igosso: Above-average food and a good wine list in a low-pressure atmosphere. If you’re looking at a Sunday afternoon, rather than a weekday dinner, then it’s No Name Bar. And if it’s an evening drink, rather than a meal, try the Q Bar, although going through that somewhat seedy hotel in which it is located might send some messages (possibly wanted, possibly not) to your significant other.

Student Hangout

The Loo: A bar that is long-closed and from another lifetime (not to mention another country). For this category, I’ll make like a soccer player and pass.

Best Beer

Browns, for its draft selection (including recent additions Stella Artois and Beck’s), and Beer Mania for its wide range of bottled Belgian beers and its Belgian draft.

Best Cocktails

This depends more on the bartenders than the establishments. I’ve had solid drinks at Centro, great mint-based cocktails at Garden of Delights, and some good but cheap beverages, courtesy of Sally and Alex at Phil’s Pub. I also remember tasty cocktails at Alfa, Jazz Ya, Browns (hit and miss), 5:19, The Big Easy, and places too numerous to mention. But in the end, only one place consistently pumps out a wide range of high-quality drinks, and thus the award goes to George Zhou and Echo Sun at Q Bar.

Bar of the Year

This bar has raised its beer prices, lost key staff, struggled with its interior decorating, dealt with DJ turmoil, faced numerous other challenges and, despite it all, had a greater impact on Beijing’s drinking scene than any other establishment in the past year. This bar has exerted influence because it consistently provides good clean fun, because it scores well in terms of design, atmosphere, food and beer selection, and because it is frequented by a sizeable number of the city’s bar owners, managers and employees. Love it or hate it, this bar has firmly planted itself in the party landscape, providing not only great value for patrons, but also food for thought for those in the industry, and this combination should earn it the bar of the year award. This bar is Browns.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

From early afternoon to late evening the rain drummed roofs, drenched streets and inspired people to place potted plants beneath ceiling drips. Such a relentless downpour sent many citizens scurrying home from work to tuck themselves safely indoors. But it also invigorated the night owls, who shook weather from feather and decided it was time to head out and party.

In this spirit, my visiting friend Lulu and her friend Lala and I splashed to Browns, which almost always offers good clean fun. It was near midnight and the place was near full. We sipped our drinks and wondered who would be, out of a crowd heavy that night with lithe young women in belly-revealing tops and eager young men wearing (at least in spirit) pocket protectors, the first brave soul, among those who braved the weather, to mount the bar top and boogie?

The winner: a slightly chubby young bloke with a Buddha smile, a low thick spike of hair, a blue shirt and a dance repertoire that is best described as minimalist, but that inspired… a woman, in a citrus-yellow tank top, and two friends to jump up and perform some slightly (correction: infinitely) more sultry moves, which inspired… a goateed man and a black-clad woman–a mover and a shaker–to parade up and down the bar top, which inspired… Lulu and Lala, who by day hold what most people would consider respectable professions and who by night live out some Flashdance-Fly Girl fantasy, which inspired… well, you get the picture. And it’s certainly not one that appeals to the prudes or the sophisticate wannabes, but for the couple of hundred people on a dark and stormy night, it was what it was, which was good, clean fun.

Lulu and Lala danced for over an hour, while I looked after the bags and kept hydrated with a too-weak Gin and Tonic and a passable Long Island. I also learned from Browns supervisor Jackie Lin that a new Happy Hour was planned, from 5-9 PM, with two-for-one drinks, 25-kuai bottled beer and 20 percent off draft.

Then, just as the monkeys had once come down from the trees to found the human race, now the humans—that would be Lulu and Lala–came down from the bar to find perhaps not a monkey, but a guy hopping around a bit like one due to a desperate need to visit the little boy’s room. The timing was auspicious as I entered and found one of the century’s more fascinating discourses on music playing out (in all places) at the urinals by (of all people) the two patrons beside me — one wearing a baseball cap backwards (always fashionable in some place, somewhere) and one wearing day-glo sunglasses. As I cannot simultaneously answer the call of nature and take notes, I can only provide the gist of their exchange:

“Duuuuuuuuuude.”

“Yeah, dude?”

“Awesome music…”

“Excellent.”

“I mean, this is… it’s… I love this stuff.”

“It’s chill.”

I am not making light of their choice of words per se, but rather their admiration of a music set that included Michael Jackson, Nancy Sinatra, ACDC and The Village People. Yes, people had been dancing, but surely better song combinations exist. Furthermore, can any self-respecting backwards-baseball-hat-wearing person describe a set that contains nary a Backstreet Boys song “chill”?

I returned to the bar somewhat more sober and when “Thriller” came on for the second time, or was it the third, Lulu, Lala and I headed to… t