Beijing Boyce

After a hard week spent working on my computer screen tan, I met The Village Grouch for a drink last weekend and ended up on a bit of a pub crawl.

D Lounge (map): This spot is on the street linking Salsa Caribe and Tun. The gist of the conversation with a guy at the door at 9:30 PM:

Him: [Moving to block door] “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, we’d like to get a drink.”

Him: “Are you on the guest list?”

Me: “Um, no. But I can understand why having one is important, you know, to keep out the riffraff. You wouldn’t want them to bother the… oh, wait, there isn’t anyone here on a Friday night.

I had the impression D Lounge is a private club, but it appears there was a special event on this night, so I will attempt a second visit. Interesting that a place going for the high-end enters off the migration route of drunk students, wasted expatriates, drug dealers, and grouchy bloggers, among others. Then again, maybe that is part of its appeal…

1949: The former bar 1/5 (map) will reopen as two separate venues, according to an assistant manager that gave us an impromptu tour. Downstairs will continue to be dominated by a long narrow bar, have an extensive Champagne list, and sport a much lighter décor – think whites, creams, and floral patterns. Upstairs will feature a private club – this time think whiskey and cigars – and a décor heavy on flat gray. (By the way, good turnouts at 1949′s Sugar Bar, Duck de Chine, and the outdoor bar that looks like a giant illuminated toilet puck. Even Taverna was almost half full.)

Still seeking our first drink, we walked to Q Bar (map), first passing Tun (map), which was gearing up for another packed ladies night. Success. The Village Grouch had a Gin Tonic and tried to figure out why it tasted so good compared to his homemade concoctions using the same gin and tonic water. (It’s the ice, baby.) I went for my old standby, the Alfonso Special, which offers good bang for the buck.

Next stop, The Saddle Cantina (map), where four-fifths of Black Cat Bone were enjoying drinks on the deck. I often wonder why the owners didn’t put sibling establishment Side Saddle downstairs, which is usually empty, instead of on Nali’s south side, and thus save on rent and staff expenses. More foot traffic and exposure, I guess, but at least in my case, I used to go to Saddle Cantina for food and drinks, but now almost always go to Side Saddle, grab a burrito, and skip the beverages. Anyway, the deck remains pleasant and provides a view of the courtyard, where the tables opposite Saddle, Let’s Burger, soon-to-open Let’s Seafood, and Ciro’s Pomodoro were once again pretty much full.

Salud (map): We met Mr. Hao and Ms. Hao here and dipped into the homemade rum. I had the “Salud special“, though given it has 11 spices, I am renaming it the KFC shooter. These are dangerous drinks, given how big they are and how fast they go down.

Fubar (map): Where else can I get a honey vodka and ginger ale for RMB20? While the decor feels unfinished and the light above the bar reminds me of a combination of giant tanning booth and taillight, it is hard to beat this place for value. (Note: Fubar will close from September 15 to October 2.)

Maggie’s (map): This tends to be a love-it-or-hate-it place, but if Beijing bars were judged on lighting, staff efficiency, general design,and clean toilets, it would rank among the top five in Beijing. For example, the focused lights on the shelves of bottles that run above the circumference of the bar, the softer lights that expose the ceiling beams painted with traditional Chinese scenes, and the sparing use of neon and motion lighting all combine to provide a soft texture. I’m curious as to who put this all together…

Some readers assume this blog wields influence in the Beijing bar scene.

True, a glowing review might inspire up to a handful of people to visit a given bar; the occasional op-ed piece can affect monumental change (case in point: my wet naps campaign at The Rickshaw*); and a few stakeholders – usually uptight pub owners or uppity magazine editors – have unleashed verbal tirades at me. But these are exceptions and more could be done if only the people in power simply did what I say (for example, we could have had those wet naps thousands of chicken wings earlier).

In this spirit, I introduce a feature known as If Beijing Bar Owners Gave a Crap What I Thought, by the terser version GAC (Give a Crap) Report, and by the handy acronym IBBOGACWIT.

It will look at what could be in the bar (and restaurant, club, and hotel) scene if I could snap my fingers and make things happen. From small details about a particular place, such as strengthening an anemic Gin Tonic or stopping employees who cut their nails on the bar top and sweep the clippings on the floor, to macro stuff, such as ending the “soft opening” insanity or vaporizing press releases with sentences that end in multiple exclamation marks.

I do so knowing the odds of affecting change are close to zero, but if even one suggestion in a hundred is considered, it’s something. And as the old Chinese saying goes, “Even when you talk to a post, at least you exercise your jaw (and make a new friend).”

Here’s the first GAC Report…

1. The Bookworm would fix its constantly rattling, regularly slamming, and always nerve-jarring front door. Oh, wait. It did. Three weeks ago. With a nice shiny automatic sliding number. People, what a start!

2. Luga’s Villa would become Lugaville. It reads and sounds better, in a Jimmy Buffet sort of way.

3. Klubb Rouge would become the new Maggie’s. Six reasons why:

• It is downtown, in the China View complex, yet fairly isolated from residential areas.
• The front entrance on Workers Stadium East is complimented by the more secluded back alley entrance near City Hotel, with plenty of taxi access.
• The place offers the stretch limo of long bars and this means space both for those negotiating “joint ventures” and those simply there to have fun.
• The excellent sound system and dance floor would let the much-loved Maggie’s DJ cut loose.
• The Den is nearby and could provide the hot dogs and other tasty eats (and a flashback to when Maggie’s operated just up the street where Jasmine and Buffalo now sit).
• The place isn’t working as a night club, as evident by the lack of patrons and a shift from expensive cocktails to an all-you-can-drink format.

Yes, Klubb Rouge would need cosmetic changes (the images of scantily clad women on the club’s giant pillars wouldn’t really fit) and there are issues of guanxi, but all I’m saying is that if Maggie’s does end up reopening in a new spot, then why not here?

4. All Star would cut its losses as a sports bar and invest in becoming a stocks bar. The 65 screens would be tuned to business programs and investment advice shows, and follow the world’s markets as they open ever westward, 24/7. Seriously, the only people willing to stare at a screen longer than sports nuts are stock market fanatics (exception: cricket followers), so I could see patrons bringing overnight bags and knocking back plenty of beverages, both in terms of quality and quantity.

Stocks down in London? Order a bucket of budget Tsingtao. Make a bundle in New York? Order Krug from Bling upstairs. Need a break from Tokyo? Go watch the bored pole dancer at nearby Sex and Da City. Manage to stay awake for 72 hours straight? Get a personalized All-Star coffee / Red Bull mug.

All Star’s isolation in Solana is also a benefit, since the risk of not finding a taxi for up to an hour will be enough to encourage people to bunker even longer. And if the owners want to retain a sports angle, shift toward betting, with coverage of Vegas odds, fantasy league shows, and the like.

5. Any five-star hotel chain with native English-speakers at the position of vice general manager or above that consistently puts out invitations, press releases, and promotional campaigns laden with typos, poor grammar, and Chinglish would lose a star. Another star would be lost for chronic use of multiple exclamations marks to conclude sentences in a pathetic attempt to make a minor benefit seem monumental (Five percent off!!!) or smiley faces in official correspondence.

6. Drei Kronen 1308 – which has few customers, good but pricey home brew (RMB58 per pint), and plenty of solid cold-weather food like sausage, schnitzel, sauerkraut, pretzels, bread, and mashed potatoes – would create a Wunderbar Winter Wonderland Sunday Brunch that includes a full buffet and all-you-can-drink beer for a reasonable price (RMB188?).

7. Flair bartenders would be exiled to Shanghai or some other hellhole.

(Just kidding, Shanghai expatriates, just kidding. Seriously, calm down, I didn’t mean it. Really, I… hey, look what I have! A shiny penny! Isn’t that pretty? Yes, I thought you would like it. It’s so… shiny… and… pretty. [Pause] Now, while I have you my under spell, one other thing: When you meet someone new, wait at least a dozen seconds before you ask his or her job and, if the job cited doesn’t interest you, wait at least another dozen seconds before you drift away in utter boredom. Trust me, we like you, but doing this one little thing will make us like you even more. Just saying…)

8. “Soft opening” would mean a bar, club, or restaurant is still getting its service, food, and drinks up to par and thus offers reduced prices or extra portions to compensate. “Hard opening” would mean the establishment is prepared to provide full value. Even better, there would just be an “opening”, with no adjective to indicate its firmness.

More items coming soon!

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* OK, technically my mom got the credit for the wet naps.

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Note: If you like this blog, please vote for it in the China Blog awards. Just go here and click the “plus” sign. Also much obliged if you vote for sibling site Grape Wall of China here.

Part six of a series on where Beijing residents enjoy a beverage (or two). This round is with entrepreneur, IT specialist, and former full-time bartender Badr Benjelloun.

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“Beijing has changed a lot over the past few months and the Olympics have left a scar on the face of the city’s drinking establishments. However, some bars / restaurants have managed to consistently get my patronage.

1. Salud: I’ve been going there over the past few months quite consistently. I love the atmosphere, the homemade rum, and the mix of locals and expats. It’s a bit of a pain to get there from my area but completely worth it. Add the great environment in Nanluoguxiang, with the hutongs and the locals, and you get a great experience!

2. The Rickshaw: Yes, they have a few service problems but overall that’s been the place that got most of my drinking moolah the past few years. I know almost everyone in there and it makes it comfortable. It’s my local basically! The grub is nice and they still make great quesadillas and serve one hell of a stiff drink. The owner, Kris, has been around for a while in the Beijing scene and deserves a lot of credit. The current manager, Andy, bends backwards to make sure everyone is happy.

3. Peter’s Tex Mex: A bit weird to include this one in my list of watering holes, but when I want good value, this is where I go. Best Tex-Mex in Beijing bar none and they have a great selection of wines at prices slightly above supermarket rates. The staff is friendly, the place is clean, and it’s a nice quiet hideaway.

4. Wain Wain: One of the city’s best-kept secrets. Hard to beat for a little mid-week beverage overlooking the city lights in a cosy environment. They have practically doubled their prices for the Olympics but still run some pretty good specials.

5. Kokomo and Q Bar: These two are tied because they are the only two places to make a decent Mai Tai which is one of my two favorite drinks. Kokomo even offers two varieties, an authentic one and a Hawaii Mai Tai. Q makes a hybrid Mai Tai that just rocks and had they managed to keep their patio opened longer, they would be in sole possession.

Posthumous mention: Maggie’s. Spare me the jokes here! Despite the shady nature of the establishment, they offered a great mix of atmosphere and DJing night in and night out! The cocktails were solid and affordable when compared to some of these new places opening left and right.

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Previously:
Elisabeth Tchoudjinoff & Katrina Arndt, designers
Paul Adkins, entrepreneur
Chandler Jurinka, Local Noodles
Kevin Shen, T3 Terminal
Steven Schwankert, SinoScuba

Welcome to Readers’ Writes week, starring the collective wisdom of 17 fellow bar-goers who answered my survey about their favorite Beijing drinking holes and the city’s nightlife scene. They include men and women, span five decades in age, hail from four continents, and provide some appreciated insights. (Note: This first appeared in last week’s newsletter. To get the newsletter, send an email with “Eat, Drink and Be Merry” in the subject line to beijingboyce@yahoo.com.)

Without further ado…

OLIVER SEDLINGER, Austrian, 6 years

Favorite Beijing Bar(s)
Cafe Pause and Cafe Europa for wine from home (Austria), Q Bar and Bed for drinks and cocktails, Maggie’s for 80s music and eye candy.

All-time Favorite Bar(s)
First Cafe, Neo Lounge

The Beijing scene
Beijing needs a place like YY in Shanghai

BH, American, business manager, 9 years in China

Favorites
As a thirty-something ex-pat, the Pavillion works for me. Nice atmosphere (especially during the warm weather months), few if any twenty-something riff-raff, lots of screens playing sporting events, and a “real” bar with footrests. For similar atmosphere (a la Lost in Translation), Red Moon is also a nice spot. Centro has somehow managed to retain its reasonably hip and comfortable “see-and-be-seen” atmosphere.

All-time
No Name at Houhai – the low-key atmosphere is the perfect alternative for those who can’t stand Babyface (or similar). Goose and Duck is, IMO, the single best “drinker’s bar” in Beijing. Good cheap draft beer. Genuinely friendly staff. Always a fun crowd (as opposed to Suzie Wong’s, across the street, where it seems everyone is itching to get into a fistfight – over girls, perhaps? Could that be possible in a town that has Maggie’s?). And pretty good snacks to match (best Sloppy Joe in town, IMO).

The scene
There are truly, positively, 100 percent without a doubt, not enough “real” bars in Beijing. And by “bars” I mean places where people go to unwind after a long day, perhaps catch a game on TV, chit chat with the bartender, etc. This must be the case if I find the bar at Friday’s (by St. Regis) to be among the best “bars” in town. At some point, the night scene here became usurped by an obsession with fashion, design (often bad), and bar-owner narcissism. Beyond that, the “pure” dance scene seems to be great. However, it is clear (from comments made to me by both men and women) that there is very little here between the traditional “bar” and “can’t hear you screaming over the music” nightclubs. There is a large group of frustrated singles out there who find it virtually impossible to find a nice little place with good music where nice people can mingle (The Tree comes to mind here, in terms of what Beijing needs more of).

STELLA GUO, Chinese, freelancer, 20 years

Favorites
Q-Bar: The place to end the evening (slumped over the bar ;- ) ). Great mixed drinks and friendly owners / bartenders
All-time
The Tree: Stinky four cheese pizza and Belgian beers
Touch Bar by Houhai: Not for the drinks, but a place to relax and watch the world go by, especially good on a warm spring afternoon
The scene
While there’re lots of bars in Beijing and new ones coming up every day, most kind of run together and good drinking spots are still hard to come by.

CHELSEY “LIVING THE DREAM” MARK, Canadian, performer / host / actor / singer / artist / model / freedom fighter / nightlife writer, 7 years

Favorites
Zeta, mainly because my friend is the manager there and the DJ is also my friend… ha! It’s like my Cheers in Beijing. I’ll always know that Sammy, Norm and Cliff will always be there… :)
I usually follow my party friends, which have finally moved from Suzie Wong to China Doll, which is nice… People at China Doll seem to be more polite and a little less “tipsy.”
Goose and Duck … John is going to rock it with the new space … he also sponsors my ice hockey team here! Go Hot Wings! The Jerseys are the coolest thing on ice…

All-time
Kai, because you can drop in any time, the staff are always calm and will never give you attitude, the drinks are cheap, the music is always an adventure, in a good way! And people are always ready to have fun and meet people. The size is perfect. Summer time … man, look out!

The scene
Beijing’s drinking scene is vast, don’t get sucked into always frequenting the same bars, have some fun and go to random places. Stick the bar list on the wall, and take your pick. Get used to having bad cocktails – there are few places in the city that can actually mix proper drinks, i.e. Centro, Zeta. Also, be aware of the fake alcohol, so if you want play it safe, stick to bottled drinks. When ordering, speak slowly, check it twice, and get used to the slow service in receiving your drink and change.

A darkened door greeted me at Icehouse on Thursday night and further investigation revealed that this bar – the first to fly in blues bands from Chicago, the home for Chopschticks comedy shows and a regular venue for Beijing Cheese Society events – has finally closed after a long struggle to push the high-end envelope in Wangfujing. Icehouse will apparently re-open elsewhere this fall as part of The Legation group of restaurants. Remaining area watering holes include Garden of Delights and Champagne. I’ll have more on the meltdown at Icehouse next issue. / Browns managing partner Philip Cheung married long-time girlfriend Amy at the pub over the holidays. Meanwhile, supervisor Jackie Kong is on extended leave and marketing head Graheme Drew has left for other pursuits, thus taking some energy and personality out of the bar. Browns will celebrate its one-year anniversary on Friday (January 19) with the two-for-one deal that got the place off to a flying start in the first place. / Word has it that Alex Kreilein, who appeared out of nowhere last year and started making good cheap drinks at Phil’s Pub, will return to our fair city this summer. Let’s hope he brings his cocktail shaker. / It’s been ages since my last reconnaissance mission around Workers’ Stadium and a recent hike showed that, beside obvious renovations to the sports facilities, change has been in the air. Gongti East: A sizeable complex now stands erect where the former Maggie’s once squatted and will apparently house fancy restaurants, bars and, if the lettering on a giant green tarp surrounding the place is right, a spa. Nearby, Le Quai continues to offer a nice spot for enjoying coffee and watching people skate. Gongti South: Dance club Mix has a new concrete facade adorned with giant posters advertising upcoming DJs. Across the way, scaffolding stands about three meters in front of Vics and Outback Steakhouse, where a large sign proclaims it is “business as usual” at the latter. Gongti West: Club central remains home to the city’s most ferocious liquor advertising battle, with Johnnie Walker, Chivas and Hennessey fighting for space. The building behind is packed with restaurants, including Three Guizhou Men, Mallikan (Indian), Hot Loft (hot pot), Kuo Bee Pen Da (Chinese) and Coco Cafe, as well as the new Club Babi. Gongti South: As mentioned, Pipes Cafe went singular and dropped the “s” while investing in a new sign that pays homage to Coors Light, while upscale spots such as Face (up the street) and China Lounge (just inside the park) have upped the ante in this area. / A year since my last visit to Souk and this place remains a decent Saturday night retreat, with plenty of nooks for chatting, drinking and, for those who are pretentious or just too lazy to smoke a cigarette, enjoying hookahs. The major drawback: my Bloody Mary came with about a half-ounce of vodka and no Worchester Sauce or celery salt, the latter two ingredients easily available at Jenny Lou’s up the street. / China Expat Magazine published its “2006 China National Bar Awards,” which cover an impressive 25 cities as well as Ulan Bator in Mongolia. The picks for Beijing were Centro, Suzie Wong, Browns, Aperitivo, Bookworm, Face, Pavillion and Maggies. See www.chinaexpat.com for details. / Numerous readers have complained about service at The Bookworm. My own story unfolded last month, when I took two visiting journalists there for lunch to show off the place. We, like most patrons, spent an hour having our annoyance at the long wait for food interrupted by spurts of anticipation whenever a waiter appeared with a plate (is it mine? is it mine?). Turns out much of the kitchen staff had quit. Fine, but why not tell people, so they can decide, on a working day, if the wait is worth it? To its credit, The Bookworm waived our bill, and I’ve since been back for lunch with no problems, but it seems there is some disgruntlement out there and that mixed experiences (see Choose the Gerbil! below) are par for the course at this busy spot (and yes, we do appreciate the books and seminars).

Warning: The following story contains disturbing scenes involving a plush monkey and is not suitable for those under the age of 21, allergic to polyester or prone to taking life too seriously. Most of the characters are real, thus their resemblance to actual persons is pretty much to be expected, isn’t it?

He’s five inches tall, full of plastic beans and sports a coat of recycled fibers. He’s the definition of mystery with his Men-in-Black coloring and Mona Lisa-like expression. He’s irresistible to adults, children and zookeepers of all ages, likes to play with his banana and knows how to swing. Meet Zimbu, the plush Beanie Baby monkey with a difference (http://www.beijingboyce.com/zimbu/).

Consider a recent Halloween party: an irate patron struts behind a nightclub, screaming in Mandarin for ten minutes and insulting the mothers of the planet. From the safety of a second-floor balcony, Zimbu hangs over the precipice, at arm’s length, and the order “Quiet!” rings out. Below, the man wobbles, looks up and directs his fury at no person, but at Zimbu, challenging a plush monkey – yes, a plush monkey! – to fight. Suffice it to say, half-pound Zimbu doesn’t stand much chance against a 170-pound human, even a drunken one, but that’s hardly the point. What matters is that Zimbu commands attention. In fact, over the recent Halloween weekend, he received drinks from bar-goers, untold kisses from females and numerous handshakes from males. Here is a recap of five Halloween parties, each one with a “Zimbu moment.”*

The party: that’s Beijing’s bash at Rui Fu

The Crow and I arrived at Rui Fu on Friday at the witching hour of Midnight. This place has a Halloween feel even on a regular night due to the monolithic abandoned residence (haunted house?) out back, the octopi-like chandeliers, and the lighting. Plus, they did a bang-up job installing a pink-lit revolving door into the side of that old building (wait, that’s PERMANENT?). In any case, it’s ideal for a Halloween party.

The 100-kuai entry fee for this annual bash came with two drinks (Freixenet sparkling wine in my case) and enough Halloween sweets to wire half the city. The crowd reportedly topped 600, and Rui Fu was packed and rowdy, with most people costumed. The usual angels, devils, cross-dressers, naughty nurses and assorted dorks were on hand, along with a Yao Ming (i.e. a basketball ball-jersey wearing guy on stilts) and owner Henry Lee as Glandalf or Gargamal or whatever you call that Lord of the Rings wizard (the only character I can remember from that movie is Farto. Or is it Frito?)

This event was not without problems. The free drinks ran out, though late at night, and this led to some arguments between patrons and bartenders. that’s Beijing did damage control by handing out refunds. (Those who paid the cover but didn’t get drinks may email info@thatsbj.com.) On top of this, the overwhelmed Rui Fu staff did not handle the stress well, resulting in further friction with patrons and lengthy waits for drinks. Despite this and the place seeming somewhat out of control, people seemed to be having a great time and this annual party, held the last two years at Tango, remains a must-go on the Halloween circuit.

After mingling for an hour with the masses, The Crow and I headed upstairs, plunked down on the balcony and for thirty minutes watched drama unfold in the parking lot. 1. A man strutted about while insulting everybody’s mother and threatening Zimbu (Henry dealt with this guy). 2. Another man smashed the ends off two beer bottles (I thought that only happened in movies) and waved the jagged edges as his concerned friends tried to restore calm, the scene dragging out so long that it lost all momentum and ended peacefully. 3. A car backed over a case of empties. It was an interesting vantage point, especially given the good company. Such as the guy who came onto the balcony, saw our that’s Beijing entry stickers, snorted the air as if they were scratch n’ sniff and scented with cho dofu, and said: “Oh, you are wearing zee badge of zat’s Beijing. I suppose you are zee magazine’s property.” (I know it’s not nice to make fun of people’s accents, but it’s also not nice to make fun of stickers, and fair is fair.)

“Yes,” I answered. Agreeing can often defuse a situation or, as in this case, confuse it. Le hater de autocollants (stickers) paused, heaved his chest and announced, “I am from France!”

“No you’re not. You’re from Belgium,” I answered, hoping the confusion route might yet work. After another moment of perplexity, he again defiantly uttered, “France!”

“Belgium!” I sternly replied. At this point, I shifted my shoulder to emphasize the presence of Zimbu. The man obviously sensed that the power of a plush monkey was about to be unleashed because he retreated. The Crow and I looked at each other, shook our heads in disbelief, finished our Budweiser, and ended a weird, interesting and somewhat scary night at Rui Fu.

The Zimbu moment: The plush monkey received kisses from a half-dozen people, including newsletter reader Nikki, who I met for the first time. The scary moment: when club owner Henry looked as though he might kidnap Zimbu and spirit him away in that gigantic Gandalf (or was it Harry Potter?) hat.

The party: Timeout’s bash at Icehouse
Intrigued by Icehouse’s recent redesign from blues bar to art gallery, and the numerous last-minute SMS and email invitations from Timeout, I popped in around ten on Saturday night. The place was somewhat thematic given that it was as active as a graveyard. Although Icehouse made an effort with the decorations, I was among the few costumed people, and most patrons sat around zombie-like, including a handful getting manicures and massages on the stage, while DJ Daisy futilely played house music for these living dead. Surreal. The 50-kuai entry fee got me one of those ubiquitous Freixenet sparkling wine cocktails. I tried a “Black Magic” (Freixenet and Beamish beer) and then a “Bubbly Mojito” (Freixenent, white rum, lemon juice and mint leaves), and both were decent.

The Zimbu moment: Given that he lacks musculature, the massages were lost on Zimbu, who was annoyed at the apathy of his fellow patrons, save for media bigwig TP, who exchanged a long and hostile look with the monkey (obviously an alpha male thing). I got Zimbu out of Icehouse before the chef upstairs decided to use him for some fusion cuisine.

The party: Champagne Bar’s Yelloween
It was quality over quantity at Champagne, where about 40 patrons were having a great time. There were plenty of decorations and almost everyone was in costume, including a posse of short-panted, red-hatted cowgirls that I saw later that night with their cowboys busting moves at Browns.

The Zimbu moment: Once again, kisses, cuddles and handshakes all around for the monkey. The female wait staff’s vine-like accessories delighted Zimbu, reminding him of jungles back home.

The party: Maggie’s Bar
An incredible number of the female patrons were dressed up as “ladies of the evening” and, as if they were mind readers, most of the males dressed up as patrons of such women. I know, what are the odds?

The Zimbu moment: One costumed lass offered Zimbu a 50-percent plush monkey discount “for the night” because she thought he was “small and cute.” I got him out of there, but not before he made a few cutting remarks that it’s not the height of the tree, but the size of the banana hanging in it.

The party: Browns Scary Halloween
Costumed employees greeted guests outside and directed them up the stairs, which were enclosed and converted into a haunted house. Cobwebs, skeletons and paper pumpkins covered almost every inch of the interior, while boxy ghosts made from the bed-sheets of marketing manager Drew spun from the ceiling fans. Two smoke machines kept the scene eerily fun, though visibility was down to a mere meter at times. This total decoration apparently took five days to set up and cost Browns 25000 kuai. The 100-kuai entry fee included a Hoegaarden, a Jagermeister shot and a bag of treats. I liked the “eyeball martini” concocted by Jackie, with its creepy garnish of a lychee stuffed with a black olive. And what better platform for a costume show than Browns’ bar top? Overall, it was an excellent night, and the key ingredient was not the decoration, drinks or music, but the enthusiasm of the staff that put it all together. It speaks volumes that employees from other bars holding Halloween parties were gathering in Browns by night’s end.

The Zimbu moment: Drew bought a shot of tequila for Zimbu, little knowing that it takes far more than one drink to get this monkey to dance on the bar.

* Note: I have been “monkey-sitting” Zimbu for almost ten years, ever since I lived in South Korea and my American colleague Jen left him behind when she ran off to Berlin to marry some German photographer. At least once a year, she reminds me that I am to return Zimbu someday, particularly as he is rising in value as a collectible Beanie Baby. Unfortunately, she is unaware of the depreciation that can occur for a plush monkey with an adventurous nightlife. Zimbu has been a part of my Halloween costume every year, whether I dress as a pirate, bandit or other miscreant, and thus fallen onto nightclub floors, soaked up more than a few spilled beers and been embossed with a hundred shades of lipstick from affectionate partygoers. When Jen and Zimbu are finally reunited, I have a feeling it will be one of those shocking “You’re not the same monkey I remember!” moments.

(From Beijing Boyce XXVII, first emailed on November 23, 2006)

A sizeable structure has emerged on the site of the old Maggie’s and my guess is that some new establishments will soon open and take advantage of the view of the nearby pond. / The pool table at John Bull Pub is still for sale. Contact Frank at 13901-238-863 for details. / Listening to some Beastie Boys tunes from the last millennium, I came across this classic reference to wine: “Like a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape, I’m fine like wine when I start to rap” (from the 1998 song Body Movin’). / And speaking of music, I witnessed, at Browns, a man attempt to impress a woman by singing (and acting out) the entire lyrics of the Blondie song “Rapture.” It was scary. Even the memory of it is scary. Someone hold me. / Barring that, eat, drink and be merry, BB.

(From Beijing Boyce XVII, first emailed on May 27, 2006) 

Last Saturday night was supposed to entail getting together with friends for a few drinks. Instead, it turned into a bar-hopping marathon. I don’t typically stay out until the wee hours any more, but this was an exception:

Beer Mania (Sanlitun South; 20:15): You rarely go wrong by starting a night with a few Belgian brews, so RJ, SW and I met at Beer Mania. We pretty much had the place to ourselves as we sampled seven different beers, including a nice Rochefort. Manager Marc van Bever is planning to do beer tastings every Thursday. Patrons get to sample ten beers for 150 kuai. Call 13126-904-396 for details.

Browns (Sanlitun South; 22:45) Carnegie’s in Taipei is famous (infamous?) as the city’s most raucous night spot, featuring great service, a massive beverage selection (including 366 shooters), an admirable layout and a long bar where the wilder (and usually drunker) clients get up and dance the night and early morning away. It’s a runaway success and now Browns is seeking to emulate it in Beijing (there are also Carnegie’s in Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur and Perth, and a Browns in London). With RJ heading home, Agent Red Wolf and WF joined us to check it out.

Although only open for two days, and having details to work out – the menu desperately needs a spell check: “Soff drinks”, “Carlsbery”, and on and on; there are some weird prices: 42 kuai for a martini, 43 kuai for a “martini favorite”; and the toilets need a cleaning – Browns has the potential to be a great bar and possibly the best of the year.

The martini was decent (though not particularly dry), the beer was reasonably priced (pints of Kilkenny and Guinness at 35 kuai), and the thin-crust pizza was tasty. The staff, which includes five Filipinos, was polite and efficient (though they could drop the “ma’am” and “sir” stuff). Lisa, who handled our table, was excellent. When Agent Red Wolf felt her Long Island Iced Tea needed more rum and lime, it was quickly topped up.

The long bar has a brass railing up top to keep the expected dancers from falling into the employees and massive shelves of alcohol. In front of the bar is a standing / dancing area, and behind that two levels of seating. The decor is flat black and white, with dark wood, brass and glass accents, and the walls contain music-themed pictures and instruments. The high ceilings will minimize smoke.

We had a nice chat with Lawrence Chen, the general manager, and Jacky Kong, the supervisor, who said they plan to open adjoining Mexican, Japanese and other themed rooms. Hmmm. In any case, it’s a great start for Browns, with the only downside being that the spotlights and dance music were out of sync with the feel of the bar, especially given the sparse crowd. It just doesn’t seem right to have electric guitars and pictures of Jimi Hendrix on the walls and then only play music typified by Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps.”

Palms (Chaoyang Park, South Gate; 00:30) Some random observations during my second visit to Palms: It’s in a mall; the menus are shaped like pianos and wine bottles; there are too many chairs; the men’s and women’s toilets are far from spotless and there was no toilet paper (again). When I ordered a martini, the waiter asked, “With ice”?

On the positive side, the management and staff at Palms are extremely friendly and open to comments. Something is amiss, though. Maybe it simply needs some fine-tuning with the drinks (my martini was sub-par) and decor. Or maybe the live music doesn’t fit the environment (or maybe it’s good in a bad way, depending on your taste). When I hear a band member shout out “everyone, sing along!” for “Jesus Christ Superstar”, I have to ask, Does anyone in the place know that song, let alone the words? Would it not be better to have fewer songs in English and more in Mandarin (a la Teresa Deng and Faye Wong), thus drawing a moneyed Chinese crowd that would enjoy being in a big interactive KTV lounge?

By the by, after the set ended, SW started shouting out “Phantom of the Opera!” and got into in protracted negotiations with the singer that eventually ended with the band doing a raucous, if slightly over the top, rendition of “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina.” That was the high point.

Nashville (Maizidian; 01:40) When we rolled into Nashville, we figured the place would be half-empty and the band finished. Instead, there was a good crowd on hand and singer-guitarist Chris had the place rocking. Bar-goers hooted out requests and sang along, and one patron got up and sang The House of the Rising Sun. (Note: This is the atmosphere for Palms to create.) Good times all around as Chris cranked out everything from Lynyrd Skynyrd to Bryan Adams to Johnny Cash. Agent Red Wolf and WB both thought the Long Island Iced Teas were good.

Maggie’s (Ritan Park, South Gate; 02:50) We dropped SW off on our way home and then decided last-minute to keep the night going. The new Maggie’s is much tamer than the old and the layout is too narrow, but as Agent Red Wolf points out, they play fun music. We hit the dance floor and unloaded a few of the calories picked up earlier in the night.

As usual, there were ample people-watching opportunities, with the guy beside us falling asleep on, and then falling off, his chair. He lay on the floor, apparently unconscious, for a few minutes. The security guards propped him up and then he suddenly popped back to life. I suspect something stronger than alcohol was in his system. Anyway, this incident seemed to inspire another man to move in on WF and it wasn’t long before we spirited her away. To our horror, the hot dog stand outside had already closed!

Agent Red Wolf and I dropped off WF and decided that, sans hot dogs, we needed food. Where to go? The Den? Bellagio? 7-ELEVEN? We ended up at Dacheng Jie (beside Gino’s) and pigged out on dumplings, xiaolongbao, soybean milk and more. We briefly considered hitting one more spot, but decided to end the morning on a high note and get some sleep before Sunday brunch.

(From Beijing Boyce IX, first emailed on January 26, 2006)