Beijing Boyce

The much-awaited Legation Quarter is scheduled to open before the Olympics, reports the company in a press release loaded with superlatives and heady adjectives:

Legation Quarter is an integrated lifestyle development unlike any in China today, presenting numerous world-leading restaurants, unrivaled event spaces, sophisticated nightclub and lounge venues, luxury retail establishments, a museum-quality contemporary art gallery and Beijing’s only multi-purpose theatre.

The property is located in the very heart of the capital, just yards away from Tiananmen Square and within the carefully restored landmark estate of the former American Legation and Embassy during the Qing Dynasty.

The press release states that the Legation Quarter will deliver “a contemporary lifestyle concept that promotes creativity, innovation and freethinking” and private rooms up to 700 square meters. It’s going to have lots of competition given the amount of food and beverage outlets that have come online over the past year and that are expected to appear over the next few months.

Check The Legation Quarter Web site for more details. Unfortunately, the “nightlife” page is empty - I have long heard The Icehouse, which closed about a year ago, might reappear in this new venue.

Browns replaced by a restaurant called Revelations? A place called The Rickshaw becoming a hotspot? Large-scale outfits RBL, Rui Fu and nhu biting the dust? Good Chinese wine popping up in bars, restaurants and five-star hotels? They’re all part of Beijing’s 2007 nightlife story. A few highlights from that tale, as seen in this blog…

January-February

Now, *that’s* a topic for a blues song
Backed by Handel Lee (The Courtyard, Three on the Bund), featuring live Chicago blues bands in Icehouse, and lacking obvious signage on a street heavily visited by tourists, RBL sinks in Wangfujing and drags down more investors than you can count on your fingers. The venue is expected to resurface this year in Lee’s next project - The Legation. Perhaps, the best take on this is from a reader.

See Meltdown at Icehouse; Icehouse: Did It Stand a Snowball’s Chance?

Dang, my tanktop is at the cleaners
My first pub crawl of 2007 is with Eddie O. We hit Cheers (Wild Turkey and live Xinjiang music), China Doll (people watching), Swing (great band but minimal toilet facilities; as Eddie says, “They want you to buy the beer here and process it somewhere else”) and Browns (featuring what seem to be bit players from The Dukes of Hazzard or Talladega Nights).

See On the Go with Eddie O (Again)

Then I craved sunflower seeds
Rather than allow a rude mobile phone-using jerk in The Bookworm raise my blood pressure, Beijing Boyce (v2007) uses the inane conversation to play a game.

See Choose the gerbil! 

And he even started to like sparkling wine
Frank Siegel holds his first weekly wine tasting of 2007 at Sequoia Café, with four wines and five cheeses from Canada. Over the next year, he will build the city’s best wine community as he covers vino from six continents, organizes vertical, varietal and blind tastings, brings in winemakers and winery owners, and patronizes a wide range of distributors.

See Say Cheese, Eh?

Buy 2, get 1… hey, wait a minute!
Reigning “bar of the year” Browns nears its first anniversary - bad specials, rotating personnel and unfinished décor suggest the place is on the decline and needs to get its act together. Six months later, the place is closed, with its contents gutted and the whereabouts of its managing partner a mystery.

See Browns: Love It…?

Neither do references to “smoked meat”
Taking a page from danwei.org, I sex up the site to see if it generates traffic. I learn that deliberately including typos - i.e. changing Tim’s Texas BBQ to Tim’s Sex-Ass BBQ – doesn’t work.

See Did Someone Say Sex?

If anyone needs some quality used underwear…
The newsletter that spun off this blog reaches its thirty-third edition and… 100,000 words. Book deal, reality TV show and newspaper column offers pour in, a flock of 88 doves continually circles my whereabouts, thousands of women throw their panties on stage, and global peace / a baby boom ensues. Or, I start working on the next 100,000 words. It was one of those two…

Please save the “leaded or unleaded” jokes
My mission for 2007: find seven decent Chinese wines that you can buy in Beijing for less than 700 kuai total. My first blind tasting: during Chinese New Year, with ten wines, seven tasters and a few clear winners. (Note: the best wine glass deal is at the Flower Market, where 22-ounce, thin-rimmed, Bordeaux-style Stone Island beauties are 10 kuai or less.)

See Say Grace: The search for seven good Chinese wines, part 1

All in the name of science
The Bourbon, Rye and Whisky League (BRAWL) meets at Tim’s Texas BBQ (now Sequoia Café) for a blind tasting of Kentucky Bourbon, Irish Whisky, Scotch and Canadian Rye. The Rye (Alberta Springs) edges the Irish Whisky (Bushmills) as favorite.

See BRAWL makes the call

Hints of minerals, notes of worms
Campbell Thompson gets down to earth and provides wine advice for an Inner Mongolian woman who subsists solely on dirt. Think about “terroir”, says he.

See A Shovel-full of Your Finest, Please

Or perhaps it’s a sprouting potato?
My long-standing discussion with Eddie O as to whether the Jagermeister mascot is a moose or a reindeer continues into the New Year.

See Moose or Reindeer?

Some like it hot, some like it spicy, and p3wong likes her Bloody Mary to be both, and with a pinch of celery salt to boot. Friday night, we chilled out in the upstairs lounge at Nearby the Tree, tried a Bloody Mary - yes, we’re aware this spot is known for Belgian beer - and discussed how her favorite drink fares in this city.

“They never use celery salt [in Bloody Marys] in Beijing,” she says. “A lot of places are also stingy on Worcestershire sauce.”

So, what spots does she recommend?

“Redmoon Bar (Hyatt). They use enough Worschestire sauce and put in cherry tomatoes.”

“Lan - the Sichuan Mary is spicy.”

“[The former] Icehouse [where she once worked as GM]; I could tell the staff exactly how I wanted it made.”‘

“The Bookworm - it has an interesting one. I think they make their own juice because it comes out pinkish.”

“I haven’t tried The Vineyard Cafe yet, but I heard they have a ‘do it yourself’ Bloody Mary and I like that idea.”

How about Face? “Okay, but it seems a little bitter, so I’m wondering if they use pepper vodka.”

Block 8? “They must have the worst one. They shake it with the ice and it gets too watery.”

Aria? “The first one I had there, I could only taste tomato juice. The second one had a lot of vodka but not much flavor.”

Centro? “They’re bad. I was disappointed because I heard Bruce Li [now at Aria] was the best bartender. I don’t know if he made mine, but they weren’t good.”

As for the Bloody Mary at Nearby the Tree, here’s p3wong’s take: “It could be better with celery salt, Worcestershire sauce and more tomato juice.” At any rate, it’s a cozy place to chat and there’s plenty of beer and wine as an alternative.

Here are a few my current and past favorite places for a Bloody Mary:

Café St. Laurent: Its ‘Asian Mary’ includes wasabi and soya, a rim salted with nori, and pickled asparagus, a cherry tomato and a prawn as garnish. It comes in a 12-ounce glass, without ice, so it doesn’t get watery. CSL will soon have Bloody Caesars, made with Clamato rather than tomato juice.

Press Club Bar: The menu includes a half-dozen Bloody Mary variations, including one with Qingdao beer; tasty but pricey. (Note: I hear the St. Regis Hotel, which houses The Press Club Bar, is undergoing some renovations, so I’ll visit soon and check this out.)

Before closing, The Big Easy made a nice Bloody Mary.

Tim Hortons coffee… oyster omelets… pancakes with maple syrup… Bloody Caesars (those would be with Clamato, rather than tomato, juice)… and (organ music) Hockey Night in Canada…

Canucks, hold onto your zambonis, because it appears Alfa / Café St. Laurent is about to make your dreams come true. I have been talking with Billy K, the brains behind the excellent CSL brunch, and plans are in the works to broadcast Hockey Night in Canada (Saturday night Canuck time, Sunday morning Beijing time) and throw down a breakfast to make those from the Great White North proud. It’ll be a kind of He shoots… he pours (the maple syrup) kind of thing.

Stay tuned for more details. And remember - keep your stick on the ice…

Note: A big shout to p3wong, who pitched this idea last year for ICEhouse (caps added due to hockey-related relevance).

High-end hardship: The closing of RBL, including Chicago blues bar Icehouse, was just a hint at the trouble faced by big, upscale, multipurpose establishments in this city, including numerous visionary projects launched in 2006. nhu, positioned as everything from restaurant to lounge to concert venue, is now open only for private functions as the owners look to remodel the place and better fit it to the Lido market. Rui Fu, brainchild of bar legend Henry Lee (Vogue, Neo Lounge and Public Space), has not taken off like his earlier spots. TRIO, a three-floor establishment anchored by Frank’s Place at ground level, has fared better, but scaled back its initial prices at the ritzy Park Grill upstairs and wine-centric The Cellar downstairs. Meanwhile, Palms, which aimed to be the Chaoyang South answer to Centro, has closed after one year - its mall location brought high rents and low turnouts, and the owner is looking to reopen in April near the East Third Ring Road. Given this, Face, Capone’s, LAN, and any number of hotel bars and high-end outfits either in or about to enter the market have their work cut out.

Opening Shots comes from the Beijing Boyce biweekly e-newsletter. To subscribe, send an email to beijingboyce@yahoo.com with “Eat, Drink & Be Merry” in the subject line.

RBL (Restaurant, Bar, Lounge), which included blues joint The Icehouse, bit the dust a few weeks ago. This was not surprising (see below) but it was sad, given that I love the blues and knew several investors and the general manager. I was about to write a post about the bar’s demise when reader DM sent me a detailed synopsis. Like DM, I had doubts about the place from the beginning:

… Icehouse reminds me of the New York Yankees baseball team. They spend outrageous amounts of money on their product, they have lots of strong backing and they have a good customer base (Icehouse has Chopschticks comedy shows, ASC wine tastings, Beijing Cheese Society events, etc.). The stars are aligned, but something just doesn’t feel right.” (See Fengshui Fiasco at Icehouse for the rest of that first review.)

DM explains what wasn’t right.

Hey Boyce,

I just read your thing on The Icehouse problems. Maybe it’s old, but I read it this morning, so it’s new to me.

The reasons Icehouse failed were obvious to me from the outset:

1. Location: I have lived in Beijing for a number of years and in all that time no one has said to me, “Hmmm, I know what we should do tonight, let’s go down to Wangfujing and hit the bars.” Not once. Let’s go to Wangfujing and buy some books this afternoon, sure, but drinking in the evening? Nah, and I don’t think I am that unrepresentative of the Beijing expat bar goer, nor is my crowd. Certainly local ex-pats weren’t gonna do it.

2. Price: Again, why would I go down there and pay 50 kuai for a cocktail when I can get a drink for 10 kuai at Nan Jie, or if I want live music, I can get a drink for 20 kuai at Yu Gong Yi Shan, to name just two bars on the well-worn ex-pat track. I can even go to Q, and get quality cocktails and listen to jazz CDs, without having to make the effort [of going to Icehouse.]

3. Blues Appeal: As you probably guessed from my email name [bloozman], I have been involved in the blues scene for many years in many cities, and spent an inordinate amount of my life in blues bars, from Toronto to Dublin to Chicago to New Orleans. I can tell you, blues fans tend to divide into two groups. 1. Blue-collar, working class types, who are definitely beer/jack [Jack Daniels] drinkers and not going to be found dead in a bar like The Icehouse. 2. Yuppies who like the blues and like pretending they are into that lowdown blue-collar stuff, and therefore ain’t gonna be caught dead there unless there is a special event, like BB King is in town or something. And local musicians ain’t gonna hang out there and listen to the music cause most of the musicians I know in this town, especially the Chinese ones, can barely afford a 10-kuai Qingdao.

4. Pretentiousness: The locals ain’t gonna bother comin’ down, so that leaves the tourists. They don’t know the prices are expensive, they don’t know they can drink cheaper elsewhere… so where is it [The Icehouse]? Hmmm, when it opened there was no sign of any kind, just a sliding glass door leading into what looked like a lounge or a hallway with sofas. Eventually they put up a sign, a modest sign that said RBL. Hmmm, that really tells me it’s a blues bar. The upshot of this situation was that outside hundreds and hundreds of visitors were walking up and down eating their scorpions on a stick with no idea that behind that sliding glass door was a bar with live music. So you have a band inside playing to 15 people and hundreds, maybe thousands of potential customers were obliviously walking by outside, and even a sign saying “live music” or “blues tonight” would have caused some of those scorpion eaters to say, “Hey Martha, look at that. I haven’t heard good blues since I as at that convention in Milwaukee. Let’s check it out before we go back to the hotel.” But that would have run smack up against the ownerships pretensions, their delusions of cool.

In fact, the owners were hoist on the petard of their own pretensions, picking the building without regard to the demographics, to the potential customer base, but rather what they thought was cool. This is all too common a failing in bars and restaurants in this city and what annoys me more even than that - I mean if rich guys want to throw away their money, that’s their business - but what annoys me is that no one in the press ever seems to point this sort of thing out. All during The Icehouse existence you would read descriptions, certainly in the ex -pat press, of how cool it was, how trendy, and no one ever said in any review I read, “Wait a minute, only somebody with the brain scan of a dieffenbachia would put a blues bar in Wangfujing in the same complex as a fusiony-type restauarant, charge 50 kuai for drinks, put up no signage, and expect anyone to show up.”

If you build it they will not come, not if it’s The Icehouse.

A darkened door greeted me at Icehouse on Thursday night and further investigation revealed that this bar - the first to fly in blues bands from Chicago, the home for Chopschticks comedy shows and a regular venue for Beijing Cheese Society events - has finally closed after a long struggle to push the high-end envelope in Wangfujing. Icehouse will apparently re-open elsewhere this fall as part of The Legation group of restaurants. Remaining area watering holes include Garden of Delights and Champagne. I’ll have more on the meltdown at Icehouse next issue. / Browns managing partner Philip Cheung married long-time girlfriend Amy at the pub over the holidays. Meanwhile, supervisor Jackie Kong is on extended leave and marketing head Graheme Drew has left for other pursuits, thus taking some energy and personality out of the bar. Browns will celebrate its one-year anniversary on Friday (January 19) with the two-for-one deal that got the place off to a flying start in the first place. / Word has it that Alex Kreilein, who appeared out of nowhere last year and started making good cheap drinks at Phil’s Pub, will return to our fair city this summer. Let’s hope he brings his cocktail shaker. / It’s been ages since my last reconnaissance mission around Workers’ Stadium and a recent hike showed that, beside obvious renovations to the sports facilities, change has been in the air. Gongti East: A sizeable complex now stands erect where the former Maggie’s once squatted and will apparently house fancy restaurants, bars and, if the lettering on a giant green tarp surrounding the place is right, a spa. Nearby, Le Quai continues to offer a nice spot for enjoying coffee and watching people skate. Gongti South: Dance club Mix has a new concrete facade adorned with giant posters advertising upcoming DJs. Across the way, scaffolding stands about three meters in front of Vics and Outback Steakhouse, where a large sign proclaims it is “business as usual” at the latter. Gongti West: Club central remains home to the city’s most ferocious liquor advertising battle, with Johnnie Walker, Chivas and Hennessey fighting for space. The building behind is packed with restaurants, including Three Guizhou Men, Mallikan (Indian), Hot Loft (hot pot), Kuo Bee Pen Da (Chinese) and Coco Cafe, as well as the new Club Babi. Gongti South: As mentioned, Pipes Cafe went singular and dropped the “s” while investing in a new sign that pays homage to Coors Light, while upscale spots such as Face (up the street) and China Lounge (just inside the park) have upped the ante in this area. / A year since my last visit to Souk and this place remains a decent Saturday night retreat, with plenty of nooks for chatting, drinking and, for those who are pretentious or just too lazy to smoke a cigarette, enjoying hookahs. The major drawback: my Bloody Mary came with about a half-ounce of vodka and no Worchester Sauce or celery salt, the latter two ingredients easily available at Jenny Lou’s up the street. / China Expat Magazine published its “2006 China National Bar Awards,” which cover an impressive 25 cities as well as Ulan Bator in Mongolia. The picks for Beijing were Centro, Suzie Wong, Browns, Aperitivo, Bookworm, Face, Pavillion and Maggies. See www.chinaexpat.com for details. / Numerous readers have complained about service at The Bookworm. My own story unfolded last month, when I took two visiting journalists there for lunch to show off the place. We, like most patrons, spent an hour having our annoyance at the long wait for food interrupted by spurts of anticipation whenever a waiter appeared with a plate (is it mine? is it mine?). Turns out much of the kitchen staff had quit. Fine, but why not tell people, so they can decide, on a working day, if the wait is worth it? To its credit, The Bookworm waived our bill, and I’ve since been back for lunch with no problems, but it seems there is some disgruntlement out there and that mixed experiences (see Choose the Gerbil! below) are par for the course at this busy spot (and yes, we do appreciate the books and seminars).

A darkened door greeted me at Icehouse on Thursday night and further investigation revealed that this bar - the first to fly in blues bands from Chicago, a regular venue for Beijing Cheese Society events and home for Chopschticks comedy shows - has closed after a long struggle to push the high-end envelope in Wangfujing. Word has it that Icehouse will re-open elsewhere this fall as part of The Legation group of restaurants. Icehouse is an interesting story because of the involvement of Handel Lee (Three on the Bund in Shanghai, Courtyard in Beijing, The Legation) and other influential investors, because RBL (Restaurant, Bar and Lounge), of which it was a component, received positive coverage in the international press and because it exposed Beijing residents to Chicago blues (and with no cover charge!), among other things. I’ll have more on this soon…

Warning: The following story contains disturbing scenes involving a plush monkey and is not suitable for those under the age of 21, allergic to polyester or prone to taking life too seriously. Most of the characters are real, thus their resemblance to actual persons is pretty much to be expected, isn’t it?

He’s five inches tall, full of plastic beans and sports a coat of recycled fibers. He’s the definition of mystery with his Men-in-Black coloring and Mona Lisa-like expression. He’s irresistible to adults, children and zookeepers of all ages, likes to play with his banana and knows how to swing. Meet Zimbu, the plush Beanie Baby monkey with a difference (http://www.beijingboyce.com/zimbu/).

Consider a recent Halloween party: an irate patron struts behind a nightclub, screaming in Mandarin for ten minutes and insulting the mothers of the planet. From the safety of a second-floor balcony, Zimbu hangs over the precipice, at arm’s length, and the order “Quiet!” rings out. Below, the man wobbles, looks up and directs his fury at no person, but at Zimbu, challenging a plush monkey - yes, a plush monkey! - to fight. Suffice it to say, half-pound Zimbu doesn’t stand much chance against a 170-pound human, even a drunken one, but that’s hardly the point. What matters is that Zimbu commands attention. In fact, over the recent Halloween weekend, he received drinks from bar-goers, untold kisses from females and numerous handshakes from males. Here is a recap of five Halloween parties, each one with a “Zimbu moment.”*

The party: that’s Beijing’s bash at Rui Fu

The Crow and I arrived at Rui Fu on Friday at the witching hour of Midnight. This place has a Halloween feel even on a regular night due to the monolithic abandoned residence (haunted house?) out back, the octopi-like chandeliers, and the lighting. Plus, they did a bang-up job installing a pink-lit revolving door into the side of that old building (wait, that’s PERMANENT?). In any case, it’s ideal for a Halloween party.

The 100-kuai entry fee for this annual bash came with two drinks (Freixenet sparkling wine in my case) and enough Halloween sweets to wire half the city. The crowd reportedly topped 600, and Rui Fu was packed and rowdy, with most people costumed. The usual angels, devils, cross-dressers, naughty nurses and assorted dorks were on hand, along with a Yao Ming (i.e. a basketball ball-jersey wearing guy on stilts) and owner Henry Lee as Glandalf or Gargamal or whatever you call that Lord of the Rings wizard (the only character I can remember from that movie is Farto. Or is it Frito?)

This event was not without problems. The free drinks ran out, though late at night, and this led to some arguments between patrons and bartenders. that’s Beijing did damage control by handing out refunds. (Those who paid the cover but didn’t get drinks may email info@thatsbj.com.) On top of this, the overwhelmed Rui Fu staff did not handle the stress well, resulting in further friction with patrons and lengthy waits for drinks. Despite this and the place seeming somewhat out of control, people seemed to be having a great time and this annual party, held the last two years at Tango, remains a must-go on the Halloween circuit.

After mingling for an hour with the masses, The Crow and I headed upstairs, plunked down on the balcony and for thirty minutes watched drama unfold in the parking lot. 1. A man strutted about while insulting everybody’s mother and threatening Zimbu (Henry dealt with this guy). 2. Another man smashed the ends off two beer bottles (I thought that only happened in movies) and waved the jagged edges as his concerned friends tried to restore calm, the scene dragging out so long that it lost all momentum and ended peacefully. 3. A car backed over a case of empties. It was an interesting vantage point, especially given the good company. Such as the guy who came onto the balcony, saw our that’s Beijing entry stickers, snorted the air as if they were scratch n’ sniff and scented with cho dofu, and said: “Oh, you are wearing zee badge of zat’s Beijing. I suppose you are zee magazine’s property.” (I know it’s not nice to make fun of people’s accents, but it’s also not nice to make fun of stickers, and fair is fair.)

“Yes,” I answered. Agreeing can often defuse a situation or, as in this case, confuse it. Le hater de autocollants (stickers) paused, heaved his chest and announced, “I am from France!”

“No you’re not. You’re from Belgium,” I answered, hoping the confusion route might yet work. After another moment of perplexity, he again defiantly uttered, “France!”

“Belgium!” I sternly replied. At this point, I shifted my shoulder to emphasize the presence of Zimbu. The man obviously sensed that the power of a plush monkey was about to be unleashed because he retreated. The Crow and I looked at each other, shook our heads in disbelief, finished our Budweiser, and ended a weird, interesting and somewhat scary night at Rui Fu.

The Zimbu moment: The plush monkey received kisses from a half-dozen people, including newsletter reader Nikki, who I met for the first time. The scary moment: when club owner Henry looked as though he might kidnap Zimbu and spirit him away in that gigantic Gandalf (or was it Harry Potter?) hat.

The party: Timeout’s bash at Icehouse
Intrigued by Icehouse’s recent redesign from blues bar to art gallery, and the numerous last-minute SMS and email invitations from Timeout, I popped in around ten on Saturday night. The place was somewhat thematic given that it was as active as a graveyard. Although Icehouse made an effort with the decorations, I was among the few costumed people, and most patrons sat around zombie-like, including a handful getting manicures and massages on the stage, while DJ Daisy futilely played house music for these living dead. Surreal. The 50-kuai entry fee got me one of those ubiquitous Freixenet sparkling wine cocktails. I tried a “Black Magic” (Freixenet and Beamish beer) and then a “Bubbly Mojito” (Freixenent, white rum, lemon juice and mint leaves), and both were decent.

The Zimbu moment: Given that he lacks musculature, the massages were lost on Zimbu, who was annoyed at the apathy of his fellow patrons, save for media bigwig TP, who exchanged a long and hostile look with the monkey (obviously an alpha male thing). I got Zimbu out of Icehouse before the chef upstairs decided to use him for some fusion cuisine.

The party: Champagne Bar’s Yelloween
It was quality over quantity at Champagne, where about 40 patrons were having a great time. There were plenty of decorations and almost everyone was in costume, including a posse of short-panted, red-hatted cowgirls that I saw later that night with their cowboys busting moves at Browns.

The Zimbu moment: Once again, kisses, cuddles and handshakes all around for the monkey. The female wait staff’s vine-like accessories delighted Zimbu, reminding him of jungles back home.

The party: Maggie’s Bar
An incredible number of the female patrons were dressed up as “ladies of the evening” and, as if they were mind readers, most of the males dressed up as patrons of such women. I know, what are the odds?

The Zimbu moment: One costumed lass offered Zimbu a 50-percent plush monkey discount “for the night” because she thought he was “small and cute.” I got him out of there, but not before he made a few cutting remarks that it’s not the height of the tree, but the size of the banana hanging in it.

The party: Browns Scary Halloween
Costumed employees greeted guests outside and directed them up the stairs, which were enclosed and converted into a haunted house. Cobwebs, skeletons and paper pumpkins covered almost every inch of the interior, while boxy ghosts made from the bed-sheets of marketing manager Drew spun from the ceiling fans. Two smoke machines kept the scene eerily fun, though visibility was down to a mere meter at times. This total decoration apparently took five days to set up and cost Browns 25000 kuai. The 100-kuai entry fee included a Hoegaarden, a Jagermeister shot and a bag of treats. I liked the “eyeball martini” concocted by Jackie, with its creepy garnish of a lychee stuffed with a black olive. And what better platform for a costume show than Browns’ bar top? Overall, it was an excellent night, and the key ingredient was not the decoration, drinks or music, but the enthusiasm of the staff that put it all together. It speaks volumes that employees from other bars holding Halloween parties were gathering in Browns by night’s end.

The Zimbu moment: Drew bought a shot of tequila for Zimbu, little knowing that it takes far more than one drink to get this monkey to dance on the bar.

* Note: I have been “monkey-sitting” Zimbu for almost ten years, ever since I lived in South Korea and my American colleague Jen left him behind when she ran off to Berlin to marry some German photographer. At least once a year, she reminds me that I am to return Zimbu someday, particularly as he is rising in value as a collectible Beanie Baby. Unfortunately, she is unaware of the depreciation that can occur for a plush monkey with an adventurous nightlife. Zimbu has been a part of my Halloween costume every year, whether I dress as a pirate, bandit or other miscreant, and thus fallen onto nightclub floors, soaked up more than a few spilled beers and been embossed with a hundred shades of lipstick from affectionate partygoers. When Jen and Zimbu are finally reunited, I have a feeling it will be one of those shocking “You’re not the same monkey I remember!” moments.

(From Beijing Boyce XXVII, first emailed on November 23, 2006)

TRIO has taken The Park Grill and The Cellar down a few notches and now offers a more affordable wine list (see Hanky Panky at Frankie’s below). / An investor in The Pavillion, which marks its one-year anniversary on November 16, says the group will open another venue in the Workers’ Stadium area in March. / Tim’s Texas BBQ (formerly John Bull Pub) will open in mid-November, says Frank Siegel, who is eager for the public to try his smoked meat. Frank says Tim’s will retain the popular trivia nights and look at incorporating the Friday and Saturday Mexican food cart. / Q Bar plans a December debut for its website, which will include a game where patrons drink cocktails made by George and Echo at faster-than-life speeds. Back in reality, a special East meets West drink - namely, a dragon fruit margarita - should soon roar into life at the Q (more on this next issue). / As part of the shift from blues spot to gallery and events venue, Icehouse has walled off its bar to create a narrow and intimate zone that could become a nice after-work getaway. The event experimentation continues as the venue hosts the high-energy Central Asian music of Panjir on Saturday night (50-kuai entry fee includes one Tsingdao). / Eddie O reports that Blue Fox, unable to replicate the success of its neighbor Centro, has howled its last. / Cafe Europa, a comfortable place to enjoy wine by the glass or bottle in the Soho district, will hold a tasting of four Cabernet Sauvignons (with tapas) next Thursday (150 kuai, email josefkiang@yahoo.com to RSVP). / Here’s a bar you don’t hear much about - Marine House. It’s on U.S. Embassy grounds, serves up the coldest beer in Beijing and is one place where you don’t want to anger the bouncers. / Tongli Studio’s Top Club is changing into Kokomo Bar and Restaurant. Yay! I mean, boo! I mean, hmmm… Meanwhile, Kebab Nation is now open on the studio’s ground floor. / The City Weekend website has an upgraded bars section that includes editors’ picks and a better directory (with handy phone numbers). As always, the forums on thatsbj.com are a good source of information on Beijing’s nightlife scene, including the recent Halloween bashes. / Add this to the list of drinkable Chinese wines: Grace Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon 2005.
(From Beijing Boyce XXIV, first emailed on September 21, 2006)

John Bull Pub has officially closed and will reopen as Tim’s Texas BBQ in late October. Sequoia Cafe next door remains open. / The show is over for Icehouse’s live blues experiment. The Wangfujing bar brought in Chicago musicians but not enough Beijing patrons and will soon split duties as home to the Courtyard Gallery and host of Chopschticks comedy nights, Beijing Cheese Society gatherings, wine tastings and weekend bands. / Speaking of double duty, Phil of Phil’s Pub not only owns a Beijing bar, but also manages Q Bar in Qingdao’s Shangri-La Hotel. Pay him a visit if you travel to our beer-loving sister city to the south. / Last Saturday night, 1:30 AM, Rui Fu: empty. I don’t mean just a few patrons, I mean zero. Last Saturday night, 1:45 AM, Maggie’s: busy. What does it mean? / Pipes (plural), known as a retreat for women who love women, now goes by Pipe (singular). If the new sign is any indication, Coors (singular or plural?) is the sponsor. My only visit to Pipe(s) was with M-Dawg last year and lasted an awkward ten minutes. / I visited The Press Club in the St. Regis Hotel twice this past month and found the staff pleasant and the cocktails above average - they should be at 70 kuai per martini. / Smallville, Shunyi’s newest spot, will open on October 21 with free cinnamon rolls, a silent auction of comic book posters, and the Instant Noodles jazz band (8046-5448; beside Yard Restaurant). This spot also boasts butter tarts, my kryptonite of foods, that substance to which I have no resistance. Midnight drew major cocktail-loving crowds before the management and bartenders fell out earlier this year. The bar is virtually empty these days, but hope springs eternal and a “pure-hearted invitation” posted in the window seeks a foreigner with bar experience and contacts with local social groups. / Over the last few successive issues, I have written about how my all-time favorite Beijing bar First Cafe went from closing to being chai’d to being site of a garden. The latest: The garden is gone and replaced by a pile of dirt fronted by a three-meter high fence. Is nothing sacred?

China Daily reports that Louisiana-themed The Big Easy will be chai’d on Sunday. Chaoyang Park authorities voided the bar’s 13-year lease, signed in 1998, in order to make space for a “peace plaza,” although they didn’t reveal whether this will be a government or commercial venture, states the newspaper. The creative layout, spirited music and Bloody Marys of The Big Easy will be missed. / Before losing its trio of capable bartenders earlier this year, Midnight packed in partiers and pumped out 50-kuai cocktails. Now, a signboard out front advertises 10-kuai drinks, including — and some might prefer this one with two paramedics, stomach pump and stretcher – Gin and Coke. / Browns, bursting at the seams last Saturday night, smartly anchored an ice-filled claw-footed bathtub of bottled beer just inside the door and thus siphoned off some of the thirsty patrons teeming at the bar. (Suggestion: Sell bottled water from the tub, too.) / Berber N, home of tasty kebabs before construction forced its closure on Sanlitun North earlier this year, has reopened across from Tongli Studios. Never have skewered chicken butts been more savory. / The last time I saw words such as “closed for maintenance work,” they were plastered on the door at First Cafe, which shortly thereafter pounded into coaster-size bits. That is, until Tuesday — and I hope it is coincidence — when I spotted them in neat longhand beside the entrance to Mojito, a fairly new place that has Beijing’s only draft Weihenstephaner. (Could a beer have a better name for the China market? The first half sounds delightfully Mandarin and the second evokes the Deutschland.) / Contrary to popular belief, Beijing does have table hockey, courtesy of W Sports Bar, where it is buried amid the ping pong table, dartboard, big-screen TV, pool table, art, grand piano, foosball table, etc. Is there anywhere else in town where you might simultaneously hear “Who’s serve?”, “bull’s eye!”, “I’ll have two beers, please”, “eight ball, corner pocket” and “this is simply too Dadaist for my taste,” all while someone chops out Mozart and a Formula 1 race shows? / Deep in Sanlitun South, a new bar is opening on the second floor of the building that Beer Mania calls home. With W Sports Bar, Q Bar and Yes Club nearby, a new party zone seems to be forming. / Speaking of Q Bar: one crane, four hours, and a dozen people. That’s about what it took to get a five-meter tree and some stone flower beds atop this bar’s increasingly green sixth-floor deck a few weeks ago. Fortunately, should the day come, it will only take a few seconds to get them back down. / With its latest Chicago blues act having returned stateside, Icehouse, the bar part of RBL, now features a mix of local and foreign talent in the form of the Rhythm Dogs (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays). Meanwhile, the employee turnstile spins on as Chef Dan Segal, who joined RBL this year after working at the former Louisiana restaurant in the Hilton, has left for Hong Kong. / Stone Boat continues with its funky live music line-up. The next three Fridays feature Enfants Terribles (electro-jazz, August 11), Muwen (traditional instruments, August 18) and Hanggai (”Mongol roots,” August 25), while Panjir Trio plays Saturdays all month. / Speaking of which, shortly after announcing the readers’ choices for its recent bar and club awards, that’s Beijing (TBJ) published its “editor’s picks.” Top spot of the year honors went to Stone Boat (good ambience and music, though the drinks and service are spotty), with honorable mentions to Area (was it on the ballot?) and Club Football (known primarily for its soccer pitches) [Ed. The bar was in fact Redball]. Nothing against those places, but I don’t think collectively they had the impact of Browns. It exploded onto the bar scene this year, is busy beyond belief, appeals to most every age group, nationality and profession, influences and attracts as customers other bar owners and employees, offers decent food and a good draft beer selection, and, last but not least, won the readers’ vote. Love it or hate it, the place has made a mark. By the way, TBJ deserves kudos for organizing these awards. Cynics claim the magazine uses them to placate sponsors, but since each of the 20 categories has one winner and seven losers, more clients are likely to be upset than pleased. (And if you don’t believe it, then a band of TBJ staffers will roll up their gargantuan 250-page magazines and knock you about like a pinata. Or, maybe not.) / Fromage fans must be quick on the return key trigger when they get Beijing Cheese Society invites. Next week’s California-themed event at Palais sold out in a few hours. / Correction: Last issue, I wrote that 5:19 Bar and Grill was starting a darts league. In fact, it is one of the hosts of the Beijing International Darts League, which welcomes new teams and venues (email Chris “Elvis” Milward at commish@beijing-darts.com).

(From Beijing Boyce XXII, first emailed on August 12, 2006)

Richard Robinson and friends deserve multiple hugs and handshakes for organizing the Chopschticks comedy series. I caught act two a few weeks ago at icehouse and Al Ducharme was hilarious. Just as impressive was the local blues band that played later. It took over from the recently departed Chicago crew and was way better than I expected (and with no cover charge). For cocktails, try the Long Islands; I also had a decent Martini in the adjacent lounge.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006) 

Richard Robinson and friends deserve multiple hugs and handshakes for organizing the Chopschticks comedy series. I caught act two a few weeks ago at icehouse and Al Ducharme was hilarious. Just as impressive was the local blues band that played later. It took over from the recently departed Chicago crew and was way better than I expected (and with no cover charge). For cocktails, try the Long Islands; I also had a decent Martini in the adjacent lounge.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006) 

Bar and club owners and employees were out in force at the Kunlun Hotel two weeks ago for the annual that’s Beijing awards. More than 30 establishments took home prizes in 20 categories that each included a winner and two or three honorable mentions (HMs). Centro (4 wins, 2 HMs), Suzie Wong (3 wins, 2 HMs) and Browns (2 wins, 4 HMs) led the way, followed by Bed (2 wins, 1 HM), Pavillion (three HMs) and Aria (3 HMs). Bar Blu and The Tree each won two categories. None of the winners seemed unduly unjustified, although I was surprised that Bar Blu won for best outdoor space, given that its deck has been halved since last year and there has been a recent (perhaps too recent) proliferation of excellent patios and rooftops. The place obviously has a loyal clientele, so good on them. The winners, with honorable mentions in parentheses:

Bar/Club of the Year: Browns (Centro, Suzie Wong’s) 

After-Hours Club: Suzie Wong’s (Bed, Maggie’s) 

Bar Snacks: The Tree (Souk, The Den) 

Beer Selection: The Tree (Beer Mania, Browns) 

Cocktails: Centro (Alfa, Q Bar) 

Dance Club: Vics (Babyface, Coco Banana, Destination) 

Decor: Bed (Redmoon, Suzie Wong’s) 

Cheap Drinks: Nanjie (Black Sun Bar, Kai) 

People Watching: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Maggie’s) 

Happy Hour: Bar Blu (Browns, Centro) 

Hotel Bar: Centro (Aria, Redmoon) 

Live Music: Yugong Yishan (D-22, Icehouse) 

New Bar: Browns (D-22, Frank’s Place) 

Outdoor Terrace: Bar Blu (Pavillion, Stone Boat) 

Business Networking: Centro (Aria, Pavillion, The Bookworm) 

Place to Bring a Date: Bed (No Name Bar, Souk) 

Place to Find a Date: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Destination) 

Sports Bar: Goose & Duck Pub (ClubFootball, Pavillion) 

Student Hangout: Lush (Kai, Propaganda)

Wine Selection: Centro (Aria, CourtYard, The Cellar)

Afterwards, I ended up at Indian Kitchen for dinner (this place should get an HM for Best Dance Club given the number of people bopping about) and then popped into Q Bar to congratulate bartenders-owners George Zhou and Echo Sun, who were prominently displaying their HM for best cocktails (not bad for a month-old bar), and to meet Roger Dutton and Kevin McCartan of Frank’s Place, which received its own HM in the best new bar category. Congratulations to all of the winners and the honorable mentions.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

The AmCham-China U.S. Independence Day party is slated for July 2 and will feature pizza, burgers, hot dogs and pizza, beer and soda, music from the Icehouse band and from Chris of Nashville, and children’s games and fireworks. I’m helping and thus onsite all the livelong day, and at least 33 readers of this newsletter will be there, including Kraft-D and Alpha Veda (see issues II, XII), who are flying in from Shanghai. Drop by and have some barley pops with us. Tickets must be bought beforehand, include four food and drink coupons, and are 150-200 kuai (children under five get in free). For more info, check amcham-china.org.cn, email me, or visit Browns tonight night (Thursday, starts 10PM), where I’ll be cheering my team Ghana as they play the U.S. in the World Cup. / The Canadians get into the patriotic spirit a day earlier, on July 1, with the Canada-China Business Council organizing a national day party in Wangfujing. For details, see canadadaychina.com. For those Canucks who want an early start, Richard Liu reminds that the Fourth Annual Canada D’eh! Cocktail is June 30 (10:30PM-2AM) at TRIO. Email info@clubcanada.net to RSVP. / Was it not literally yesterday that Beijing’s grape scene grew a bunch with the creation of The Cellar (soft opening: June 27) and its associated wine club? Now word comes that another club, this one focused on Bordeaux, is set to open (more details next issue). Speaking of The Cellar, memberships to Club 88 are now available. / The Beijing Cheese Society has been quiet lately, but no worries fromage fans, as co-founder Sharon Ruwart says that plans for more tastings are in the works. / Finally, I have sent out a short survey to those who have expressed interest in my planned Whisky and Bourbon Society. If you didn’t receive it, and are interested in the society, let me know. Special thanks to reader Eddie O. for his input.

(From Beijing Boyce XIX, first emailed on June 21, 2006)  

Two tasty blue cheese martinis: 75 kuai. I had forgotten how agreeable happy hour is at Centro (to 8 PM). Even better, I hear bartender Bruce Li will soon have some new concoctions learned during a stint Down Under. / While Browns continues to bustle, Suzie Wong’s has a new first floor bar that has been, um, throbbing (see below). By the way, three Long Islands at Browns last Saturday: one was near perfect, one candy floss sweet, and one sans ice and Coke. Am I being too picky or just bitter that manager Glenn and supervisor Jackie nearly set me aflame recently (see below)? By the way, Chef John’s Buffalo-style wings (hints of blue cheese and basil) and spring rolls dipping sauce are excellent. / Down the street from old Sanlitun South is newly opened Sina ja Mina (”You and Me” in Finnish). It’s a bare bones bar (as are Sesame and Black Sun on the same street), but the owners are friendly and have Finnish drinks such as… well, only Finlandia vodka (25 kuai). M-Dawg found the apple juice (15 kuai) quite refreshing. / Rumor says a new Bookworm will soon wiggle onto the scene near Lido Hotel. / Andrew “Jr. Boy” Jones is playing at the Icehouse, April 5-30. / Q Bar, which will feature cocktails by ex-First Cafe, ex-Midnight bartenders Echo Sun and George Zhou, opens on the Eastern Hotel’s rooftop during second-half May. That’s walking distance to Sanlitun South (Modern Nomads, Beer Mania), Sanlitun North (Cheers, The Tree) and Gongti West (Pavillion, clubs galore). / Ah-Q is belting out jazz at Browns on Thursday nights until, it seems, CD Jazz Club reopens. I’m there now, as I finish this newsletter, and the place is packed. Browns might be wise to sign them on.

(From Beijing Boyce XV, first emailed on April 21, 2006)

Ex-First Cafe, ex-Midnight bartenders George Zhou and Echo Sun will launch Q Bar on Sanlitun North, near Beer Mania, with the soft opening due in early May. Backed by foreign investors, Q Bar will focus on — no surprise — cocktails and have outdoor seating. / Based on a dozen pass-bys, Midnight has seen a huge drop in business since losing its bartenders a month ago in a debacle that, on one hand, has been a lose-lose-lose situation for the owners, staff and customers, and on the other hand, business as usual in Beijing. / Meanwhile, First Cafe, my favorite bar from late 2004 to summer 2005, has gone from being the city’s best-kept secret to an overpriced drinking hole. The cozy ambience no longer compensates for the anemic Bloody Mary (40 kuai) and passable Gin and Tonic (50 kuai), unless one has an excess of money and a dearth of taste. If you go, eschew the cocktails for beer and shots. / Speaking of which, the cost of a Gin and Tonic, using Bombay Sapphire, at four places last Saturday night: Phil’s Pub, 20; icehouse, 40; First Cafe, 50; Champagne, 55.2 (yes, they actually charge miao). Phil’s offers great value; icehouse and Champagne feature bands (the former’s is particularly good), and First Cafe has some atmosphere and, uh, a sit-down toilet. / Mint shortage! Pavillion was out two weeks ago, Champagne and icehouse last Saturday, and Mexican Wave last Sunday, the latter denying Agent Red Wolf a taste of its Mojito just hours before she finalized her top-five list (see below). Is this a niche market for an herb entrepreneur or do bars simply find the Mojito too time-consuming to make? / ASC Fine Wines is celebrating its tenth anniversary. It’s been a decade for Don St. Pierre, Sr. and crew, and they are the team to beat when it comes to wine distribution in China . See Closing Shots for their celebratory wine and Riedel glass special. / The Big Easy is on the chai-ing block and April looks to be its last stand. Catch a final Bloody Mary on the veranda at one of Beijing ’s landmark bars. / From Margaritas to Martinis, drinks are free for the ladies at Browns after 9 PM on Wednesdays. The downside: the gentlemen sometimes find their orders — those would be the drinks on which the bar MAKES money — backlogged behind 20 cocktails, even for something as simple as Whisky shots. / The Timeout readers’ party last Thursday at icehouse was packed and the band was rocking. The place was also hopping last Saturday night. That long hallway is still creepy and reminds me of “The Cask of Amontillado” (BYOT — Bring Your Own Trowel). / A Molinari Sambuca launch party was held in Beijing last Thursday at the ” European-style Conference Center ” in Chaoyang Park (thanks to SF for the invite). I found the cocktails either too sweet or too light, and instead took my Sambuca straight, which helped numb me toward the painfully bad presentation and foreign poseurs. Listening to three (translated) speeches was bearable, but pity the (Italian?) reps brought on stage some five times over ninety minutes, with almost everyone oblivious to them. And the following words, unless uttered for amusement purposes, should never start a speech at an alcohol launch: “In the course of human development…” By the way, these foreigners with weird glasses (i.e. primary blue with gold sparkles) and/or un-tucked designer dress shirts and/or the hair that’s supposed to look stylish but is more reminiscent of a bad mousse day and/or the “I’m a socialite in China, even though I’d be lucky to be runner up back home in a KFC assistant manager hiring campaign” attitude — where do they rent them? Uh oh, stop me, stop me… uh oh… I’m going… into… oh, no… day… dream… mode…

[I’m beside a guy wearing black heavy-rimmed glasses with mother-of-pearl inlay. His head is weighed down with mousse; he wears a neatly un-tucked dress shirt. When I first spoke to him, he gave me a look that said: “I’m in a charitable mood, so I will allow you to humor me.” We have just exchanged “pleasantries.”]

Me: “So, what do you do in Beijing ?” [Yes, that’s a terrible question.]

Him: “What DON’T I do? Let’s just say that I’m in consulting.”

“Are you in any particular field?”

“Actually, I’m talented in numerous areas, but I guess if I had to pick one, I’d say communications.”

“That sounds, uh, extremely difficult.”

[My rapt attention has warmed him up. He re-untucks his shirt and continues.]

“Yes, it’s quite hard. I spend a lot of time on research, academic stuff, with a focus on a younger demographic. I’d hazard to call it leading edge, you know?”

[I nod, faux awe radiating outwards.]

“It’s very proactive. I get a chance to learn about them, they get a chance to learn about me; it’s the cross-cultural exchange I find so rewarding.”

“Hang on! You wouldn’t be consulting in ‘education,’ would you?”

“Uh, as I said, I think my field is best described as communications…”

“Hey, are you teaching English to kids!?”

With this, my “speaking partner,” as they say in his field, suddenly needs to refresh his drink.

This exchange is an exaggeration, of course, but there are a lot of poseurs out there. I recommend that expatriates ask themselves at least once a month: if I suddenly had to return home, what kind of job could I get? For the vast majority of us, the answer is humbling. [By the way, I’m not criticizing English teachers, as many are hardworking and dedicated, and many of the most successful people I know were English teachers at one time, so please save the hate e-mail, even though it would probably have fewer spelling mistakes than most of the stuff I get. Actually, I don’t even want to criticize poseurs, either. Please DON’T start tucking in your shirts! Enjoy it while it lasts, and remember, this was all just a daydream. Now, back to opening shots…]

The Pavillion has moved its furniture about, printed new menus, and dropped the price on drinks, or at least on Long Islands . When I visited two weeks ago, the proprietor Russell Probert kindly treated me to a beer and said work was about to begin out back, where a Mediterranean restaurant will be added and landscaping done. / Le Petit Gourmand’s new sundeck is, by all reports, very cozy. Since my “live bug falling out of Parmesan can and onto pizza” incident earlier this year, I’ve only been back once and stuck to the high-value lattes — big mug, 15 kuai. / I went to Saddle and ordered the large burrito (50 kuai; didn’t the same size used to be 35 kuai?). The waitress leaned against the counter, loudly chewed her gum (mouth wide open) and cow-stared as I ate my meal. Not comfortable. The music, which included John Cougar and Ram Jam, was good. / Last week, I reported that Trio will soon open across from the Lido Hotel. It’s actually the Rosedale Hotel. / Cafe Pause will apparently change its menu — again. The blue cheese and spinach dumplings with pesto sauce were fantastic, everyone loved them, and I was annoyed they were no longer available when I recently hiked all the way to Dashanzi. Consistency, especially with the good things in life (like blue cheese dumplings), is a virtue. / I really enjoy the unpretentious patrons and atmosphere at Modern Nomads. Simply put, it’s a fun to place to kick back for an hour, sip a Mongolian vodka martini and watch live throat singing and pop music.

(From Beijing Boyce XIV, first emailed on April 6, 2006)