Beijing Boyce

Have you heard this one? An Irish chef, a Canadian blogger, and a Chinese waitress are in a kitchen. The chef gives the blogger a plastic bag of chocolate mousse, the waitress says, “put it in your mouth and pop it,” and the blogger…

Hey, wait a minute. That actually isn’t a joke - it’s part of a night spent with chef Brian McKenna of the Shangri-la Hotel’s Blu Lobster restaurant. Acquaintances have (mostly) love it and (sometimes) hate it reactions to McKenna’s cuisine. My sole experience came under trying circumstances for any cook - he catered the Robert Parker dinner on the Great Wall. So, after meeting him in person at an event about six weeks ago and later getting an invite to sit at the ‘chef’s table‘, I took him up on the offer.

Here’s the lowdown on a night that included a test tube, a toothbrush, and a Gin Tonic. (Note: All photos are from my crappy phone camera, although I lost my shots of the first half-dozen or so dishes.)

6:53 Despite the rain and traffic, I arrive at Blu Lobster seven minutes early, grab a cozy chair out front, and wait for The Long Walk to the kitchen.

7:02 The chef’s table is squeezed into a corner near the door, with a wall full of spice jars on one side, a vista of cooking stations on the other, and a mini chandelier above. Assistant sommelier Alex pours Duval-Leroy Champagne. Nice way to start!

7:08 The palate cleanser is a “gin tonic“: a crispy slice of lemon topped with a cube of tonic water jelly and lemon sorbet. McKenna sprays on Hendrick’s Gin from what looks like a cologne bottle. (It’s the perfect scent for a night at Q Bar.) The GT is creative and refreshing.

7:13 Next up: “soup” served in a test tube and made of pureed lettuce and coconut foam (reminds me of split pea); a chunk of foie gras on caramelized rice (interesting contrast, but it means an overly sticky caramel candy effect); and an oyster with lime and star anise (this one tingles with a “pop rocks” candy effect - imagine miniature fireworks in your mouth).

7:18 Frankly, I had expected cooks to utter profanities, flames to leap from a dozen burners, and an entire staff blinded by sweat to race against time. But the place is cool, clean, and quiet. Where’s my Kitchen Confidential experience!? Actually, McKenna loses his temper at one point. I’ll intersperse four McKenna Meltdowns in this write-up - see if you can guess which is real.

7:19 McKenna Meltdown I: A waiter rushes in and gasps that a group of 20 people have arrived unannounced. McKenna runs his fingers through his hair and gives a controlled scream. This elicits no response from the kitchen staff. With a maniacal laugh, he says “seat them in the bathroom” and crashes through the swinging kitchen doors.

7:22 Sommelier Alex appears with a bottle of Little James Basket Press (Grenache, Muscat, Viognier) - lovely tropical fruits, particularly pineapple.

7:25 Salad time: McKenna says it has 42 ingredients, including 38 from Shangri-la’s farm. We’re talking tomatoes, watermelon, beets, breadcrumbs, cheese, greens, and I guess 35 others, topped with a soft egg. The contents of a refrigerator in a bowl. The egg binds everything together and each bite brings different levels of nuttiness, sourness, crunchiness, and so on.

7:30 How would I feel having a dorky blog writer stare at me all night? My heart goes out to the kitchen staff.

7:38 The orders are really moving now, but calm reigns. Instead of “Move those bloody steaks or you’ll be flipping burgers at McDonald’s tomorrow!”, it’s “Hey, did we send out the gin tonic to table X?” A bit disappointing…

7:42 Asian spiced crab risotto, avocado ice cream, lemon grass foam (I later get a copy of the menu and it says “bubbles“, not “foam”). I’m not sure if it is best in ice cream form, but the avocado moderated the spicy risotto, which had a real kick. This is my favorite dish so far. I also like the Louis Jadot Macon Blanc Village 2006.

7:48 Sweet Buddha, more wine! Mer Soleil Central Coast Chardonnay 2005 - one word: buttery.

McKenna Meltdown II: A cook drops a live octopus and it lands on McKenna’s shoe. He kicks his leg a half dozen times to shake the beast loose (if you have handled an octopus, you know the grip I’m talking about). Successful, he turns to the cook and says, “That thing is going to stick around here longer than you.”

7:54 A ‘modern version’ of lobster bisque, served in a martini glass with four nice chunks of lobster and curry sauce. Nice.

8:00 McKenna stops and chats. He says no one on his kitchen staff had worked in a fine dining venue before and only two of 42 of them have left since Blu Lobster opened over 18 months ago. He says everyone complains about China, but it’s all about “working 16 hours a day, being first in, last out, and finding as much local produce as you can.” He say Blue Lobster gets about 50 patrons per night and that’s where they want to keep it.

I ask him why the kitchen is so calm and when he’s going to start, you know, cracking heads. He says the key is being organized. “We get the work done in the day, we start at 9 AM,” he says, and throws a knife within an inch of my head just to show he means business. “We’re not being big-headed or rude, we do it our way and that’s it.”

8:12 McKenna arrives with codfish “in a bag.” A plastic one. He cuts it open and pours out the fish and sauce. I find this dish a bit bland, but I like the bag (I’m thinking boiled homemade burritos).

8:26 Alex continues his assault on my liver with a Cambria Pinot Noir 2005 from California.

8:28 The “BLT” includes a chunk of pork (McKenna says it has been cured with apple and oak), a huge dollop of homemade mayo on a lettuce leaf, and what looks like a bacon strip topped with an egg yolk but is actually made of tomatoes! This is a taste bud attacker, with acidic tomato and tangy mayo, both of which would be better if there were more than one piece of pork (say, eight).

8:33 McKenna Meltdown III: Just as things are calming down a bit, he pulls one of the waiters aside and yells at him for covering the label of a Champagne bottle while presenting it to guests, causing the hostess to ask the producers name. McKenna shakes his head in disgust.

8:39 Alex is back: Tommasi Viticoltori “Ripasso” Valpolicella 2004. It has plum and earth aromas and the kind of tannins that demand meat.

8:45 McKenna gives me a beef steak cooked at 60 degrees for 55 minutes, a small potato, roast garlic, and ravioli filled with spinach, parmesan and soft egg yolk. He says cut the ravioli in half to mix the yolk and beef sauce. This is a hearty dish that goes well with the wine. But shoot me: I want some black pepper on it.

(By the way, I am “officially” full.)

8:52 McKenna chats: He says he visited the foie gras farm about an hour outside of Beijing, he says he makes his menu each morning, he says this is his first time working in a hotel.

And then it’s… Alex again! This times with Domaine de la Roche 2006 Coteaux due Layin Chenin Blanc. He calls it a “fresh young fruity style”; I smell first pears and then the fear of a hangover.

9:05 The fruit salad comes in a glass tube that is the diameter and length of a large index finger. It has five layers - passion fruit, watermelon foam (the menu says “watermelon air”) and so on. The idea: suck on one end so the fruit zips into your mouth. I am surprised by the sensation because… I expected it to be cool. It is too warm and syrupy for my taste.

9:12 The berry plate is arty. The lip holds red currant jelly with mixed berries and herbs; the bowl holds blackberry mousse, berry sorbet, and basil ice cream. McKenna pours sauce over it. This is simply too rich for me at this point and, with the fruit salad, I am really full.

9:18 I daydream about five years ago when I ran 20 kilometers a week and weighed 15 kilos less.

9:21 McKenna Meltdown IV: A slightly inebriated patron wanders into the kitchen and says, “I hear you’re from Scotland.” McKenna rips off his tunic to reveal a huge tattoo of the British Isles* on his chest. He points to one side and bellows, “This is Scotland!” He points to the other side and bellows, “This is Ireland!” Then he points to the middle and bellows, “This is the sea! Now get out of my bloody kitchen!”

9:24 Alex, noooo! Dow’s 10-year-old Tawny Port. I feel like I’m about to go into a food- and wine-induced coma.

9:35 A plastic golf ball-sized bag of mousse is set down. “Put it in your mouth and pop it with your tooth,” I am told. I hesitate: I already feel like a bloated whale, a pair f lips after a collagen injection. After two and a half hours of gorging, guzzling and scribbling, I’m exhausted. So… I put the bag in my mouth and pop it with my tooth. The mousse flows and gives that same “pop rocks” sensation as the oyster.

9:42 Noooo! Coffee foam with five treats. At this point, I can barely touch them, but for the record they are: “banana marshmallow, wasabi and black sesame truffle, strawberry with celery, pistachio and olive oil cake, and peanut butter macaroon.”

9:51 OK, I haven’t seen McKenna for about 15 minutes. Everyone is cleaning. I wonder if I can sneak off (all I need to do is convince three or four staff to carry me out).

9:53 Nope. I get a plate with what looks like a shot glass of mouthwash and a toothbrush with paste. It turns out to be crème de menthe and soda, with the paste being lemon meringue topped with - and don’t quote me on this, because I was barely conscious at the time, but it’s written in my notes - shaved Fisherman’s Friend candies. It’s dental care at its finest. And with that, my friends, my meal ends.

-

Some people are probably wondering how much a meal like this would cost, you know, if you sit at the adult tables in the dining room. I was surprised when McKenna told me it is around RMB700-800 (wine is extra). Good value given the amount and quality of the food, the novelty of the cuisine, and the ambiance and service. I intend to return, but next time I will fast all day, bring some friends, and stay out of the kitchen.

By the way, the real McKenna Meltdown is III.

* I know most Irish do not consider themselves as part of the ‘British Isles’ - that’s why it isn’t the real meltdown. Plus, why would McKenna have a Scotland tattoo on his chest anyway? By the way, Saturday Night Live fans might recognize this one as based on the skit, “If it ain’t Scottish, it’s crap.”