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[Note: See the list of winners here.]
Spending six hours sipping wines and nibbling snacks at a five-star hotel is fun.
Staying overnight at that hotel, instead of stumbling home, is even better.
And spending that night not in any room, but in the presidential suite, with breakfast the next day?
Tough one. But if you ask me, I’d qualify that as pretty freaking awesome.
Good news if you agree, because I’m teaming up with Beijing Hilton for the fifth straight year on a contest for the Food & Wine Experience.
The Grand Prize
- Two tickets to Beijing Hilton Food & Wine Experience XV on October 27
- Dinner for two at One East or Elements restaurant on October 27
- An overnight stay in the presidential suite on October 27
- Breakfast for two at Elements restaurant on October 28
More Prizes
- Nine pairs of tickets, some awarded on merit, some based on pure luck
The Contest
It’s called “Party of Five“. You simply tell us your ideal guests if you had the presidential suite — and why. Your Party of Five must include:
- One guest living in China
- One guest from abroad
- One family member / friend
- One celebrity
That’s only four people, right? We are also counting you, so that’s five.
Here’s a sample entry:
- One guest from abroad: I’m inviting Big Bird. It’s been a tough few weeks for this Sesame Street resident and a nice trip to China would cheer him up. I’m getting a case or two of YellowTail for the big guy.
- One guest living in China: The Grape Mascot from the recent festival in Ningxia. If someone said, “Make me a mascot from a grape festival and make it look happier than a group of nouveau riche kids sucking down a dozen bottles of Lafite 82 through straws”, I don’t think anyone could do better. No way this guy will let the night be a downer.
- One friend: I’m going with Zimbu, the Beanie Baby monkey my friend Jen gave me to “look after” more than a decade ago. Zimbu has been part of numerous Halloween costumes and has a proven ability to absorb spilled wine. In terms of drinking, Zimbu swings to banana liqueur.
- One celebrity: I have to go with Hello Kitty. High status, low consumption, given the lack of a mouth. That means more wine for the rest of us.
That’s my entry for what I affectionately call my Party of WTFive. Yours can be longer, shorter, whatever you like. And of course, photo optional.
How to Enter
- Go to the comments section and tell us your Party of Five. You can enter up to three times but please put each entry as a separate comment.
- The deadline for entering is October 22 at noon.
- I will work with the Hilton Beijing to choose what we think are the top five entries. We will hold a draw to pick the grand prize winner, who gets the tickets, dinner, breakfast and presidential suite stay. Each of the other top five entries gets a pair of tickets, including lunch or dinner, to the Food & Wine Experience.
- There will also be a draw for five pairs of tickets (sans lunch or dinner), so even if you don’t make the top five, you can still win.
- In cases where we cannot decide between two entries for the top five draw, we will choose the one posted earlier. Thus, timing could matter.
- Use of the presidential is only valid on the night of October 27.
I’m probably forgetting something. I’ll insert it here if I remember.












One guest living in China: The former president of China Hu Jintao. After leading the country for ten years, I imagine that after the upcoming handover of power he’ll be looking for something to do. I also suspect that having attended government functions for the best part of forty years, he would make for a drinking partner with considerable stamina.
One celebrity: Bobi Wine, aka H.E. Ghetto President, one of Uganda’s most well-known rappers would bring some much needed atmosphere to the gathering. I’m sure him and Hu would get along swimmingly.
One friend: A wheel of Président Camembert. This friend is excellent with wine.
One guest from abroad: Former president of the United States Thomas Jefferson. Largely because he appears to understand the situation: “No nation is drunken where wine is cheap, and none sober where the dearness of wine substitutes ardent spirits as the common beverage. Wine brightens the life and thinking of anyone.”
My all-NBA Party of Five team…
Guest living in China: Yao Ming. And I’m guessing the Hilton Beijing’s presidential suite might even have a bed big enough to hold him after Yao passes out from too much ganbei.
Friend: Dirk Nowitzki. I saw him in China Doll during the Beijing Olympics and if that doesn’t count as friendship, then I don’t know what does. Given Dirk’s nationality, I’m expecting him to bring some a case of quality Riesling and a few bottles of Jaegermeister.
Guest from abroad: Stan van Gundy. No longer coaching Orlando, and without an ESPN gig, he’s got plenty of time on his hands. Plus he’s funny and would provide lots of laughs along with…
Celebrity: I’m going with someone who has jumped from basketball to broadcasting, and who is also hilarious, namely, Charley Barkley. To quote Sir Charles, he can be “the engine that stirs the drinks”. Huh?
Cheers, Boyce
One guest living in China:
Mark Ndesandjo, President Obama’s half-brother who lives in Shenzhen; it would be days before the US presidential election and what a better place to chat politics over great wines than the Hilton Presidential Suite!
One guest from abroad:
Alex Rodriguez; I’m not a NY Yankees fan but I know he’s having a very tough post-season and could deserve a respite.
One friend:
Salman Khan, founder of the Khan Academy; well, we’re not friends in the traditional sense but I feel like we’ve spent enough time with each other (virtually) that I know we would click socially. Sal Khan is innovative, could regale the guests with stories of physics, organic chemistry and the Euro debt crisis – all while talking up the virtues of Deep Blue from Grace Vineyards!
One celebrity:
Mark Owen, author of “No Easy Day;” we owe him a bottle of champagne!
One guest living in China – Xi Jinping, what a great way to welcome him into the limelight as the new President of China
One guest from abroad – President Obama – who needs a drink from all that campaigning, and give him some time alone with Xi, to work out their differences.
One family member / friend – Mike Wester, who loves a good party!
One celebrity – Quincy Jones, who makes music with the world, and we met in Beijing back in 2008, so it’s time to bring him back!
Guest Living in China: I am going to go with Liu Xiaobo, dudes been in jail awhile, and he could definitely use a glass of wine and the Presidential Suite after that. Also, I doubt he has gotten to celebrate winning his Nobel Prize from a couple years ago. So this would be the perfect chance.
Guest from Abroad: Psy, because Gangnam style is about to jump the shark, and the dude should milk what he has left of his 15 minutes of fame.
Celebrity: Lindsay Lohan, because you know that girl will party, and since we will have a room at the hotel….she is no danger of drunk driving….safety first.
Friend: Boyce, ya, the choice might be trying to curry some sort of favor with the judges, but reality is the guy likes a good wine tasting and is always fun to have around.
Guest Living in China: Stephon Marbury because you know that dude has been to a crazy hotel party or two in his day and he will know how to live it up.
Guest from abroad: Prince Harry because we have photographic evidence that guy knows how to party in a hotel.
Celebrity: Lady Gaga because she kills two birds with one stone. You can tell she likes a good party, plus she will be able to add some music to the festivities.
Friend: Charlie Silverman, the former City Weekend Beijing sports editor that has relocated back to the US, because it will be good to have him back in China for a bit, and the dude knows how to talk some smack, so I know he will be able to get Starbury and Prince Harry ralled up enough at each other there will be some good verbal fireworks.
Guest from inside China: Smush Parker (he has been playing in the CBA) because he is getting so much press for Kobe Bryant saying he was the worst NBA player ever that I know he will add something good to the conversation.
Guest from outside of China: Kobe Bryant because I want to be there when he and Smush Parker get in the same room together.
Celebrity: Shane Warne (Aussie Cricketer) because the dude can DRINK, the party would need some Commonwealth blood with all of the North American NBA representation, and plus his wife is really hot (married to Liz Hurley) that I am willing to allow him to bring her as a plus one.
Friend: Tao, from beijingcream.com, because he freelances for Dead Spin occasionally (he wrote Dead Spin’s profile on Starbury’s first foray into the CBA). We would need to have a reporter there for the Kobe v. Smush show down, and someone would have to keep track of how much Warne drank and update a sports gossip site.
My Party of Five II…
Guest from abroad: Hugh Davies, Schramsberg Vineyards, which provided the sparkling wine when Richard Nixon and Zhou Enlai met in China in 1972. That would give us a president (of a company) who provided wine for two presidents (of countries) in a suite presidential. I’m sure Davies will bring a few wines, including a bottle of that 1969 “Blanc de Blancs.
Guest living in China: Danielle Liu, marketing manager for The Wine Republic. Every time she has to deal with me, I know she thinks, “Ai ya! This guy is such a pain in the ass!” This would be a way to give her a break. More importantly, I think she’ll bring some Champagne Jacquesson and we can compare it to the Schramsberg.
One friend: Philip Osenton, because on that very day he will attempt to break the world record for holding the most wine glasses in one hand. I’ve seen him hold 34 — he needs 40 for the record. Also, we’ll need his sommelier skills to ensure that bottle of Schramsberg is properly handled.
One celebrity: Lionel Ritchie, but only if he agrees to sing “Dancing on the Ceiling” while actually dancing on the ceiling of the presidential suite. If not, change to Neil Diamond and “Suite Caroline”.
Cheers, Boyce
1. Hello Kitty
2. Say Hello
3. To My
4. Little Friend
One guest living in China: Ye Shiwen – why not raise some more suspicion with swimming in Gold Medal Cocktails?
One guest from abroad: Michael Phelps – time to return to Beijing and race with Ye Shiwen in the above mentioned swim.
One family member / friend: Steve Schwankert – who knows how to dive in almost every situation related to the drink!
One celebrity: Derek Jeter – he could definitely use a drink, and probably has plenty of time on his hands now.
Guest living in China: Nur Bekri, chairman of the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region, purely to understand what’s up out there? Maybe next home?
One guest abroad: Silvio Berlusconi- Bunga Bunga
One family member/ friend; My hot pink, limited edition, “Tamagotchi” which has had a health meter issue since 1996 and badly in need ofra medicine icon ASAP
One Celeb- K Fed, Kevin “my boy” Federline. No explanation needed here. Just pure awesomeness
One guest living in China: The Fuwa/Friendlies (may I count them as one unit?)
One guest from abroad: Felix Baumgartner – this man needs a drink…now!
One family member / friend: None other than the inimitable Jim Boyce! A renaissance man.
One celebrity: Larry David, because he’s hilarious
Foriegn: Charlie Sheen. He knows how to behave himself and act reasonably at all times.
Famous: Keith Moon. We may need a couple more minibars though; and televisions.
Chinese: Bai Ling. Because sometimes just a little bit of crazy isn’t enough.
Friend: We might need one after we’re done. How about Paris? She can explain everything to senior management.
One guest living in China: Author Mo Yan, who just won the Nobel prize for literature. The man has had a hard life, and deserves a drink both for that and for his amazing accomplishments! Plus, who knows, maybe his next book will talk about how amazing the fair was!
One guest from abroad: Hong Kong-based Master of Wine and author Jeannie Cho Lee. Not only would she be able to pick out the best wines, but also the best foods to pair them with, saving me a heck of a lot of trouble, and allowing me to concentrate on having fun!
One family member: My mom. The last time she visited me in China I got a phone call from my her and my friends at 4am, demanding a ransom of one case of wine in return for her release. Needless to say, the woman knows how to have a good wine. I mean, time!
One celebrity: Jackie Chan. He’s a fantastic drunk who loves to sing, and we’d have a great time doing flips on the bed and having play fights in the presidential suite. Hai-Ya!
Not to mention, Jackie Chan was the drunken master. That was the point.
Looks like I’m already drunk on anticipation!
One living in China: Xun Zhou who starred in the film Cloud Atlas and always looks good in a photo with me..
One from abroad. Neville Southall one of the great goal keepers of all time and also because I want him to bring over his book Chronicles of a Binman so I can read it finally and have it signed by the great man.
One family member My wife as we got married in April 4 weeks before we arrived here in May and she is still waiting for her honeymoon.
One Celebrity:Daniel Craig as I need someone to keep the ladies away from me and hopefully he can bring an Aston Martin with him.
One guest from China: Wang XiZhi (at this point he’s a little old, but that’s nothing a few glasses of wine can’t cure), the “Saint of Calligraphy,” who tried many times to surpass his most famous work, which was completed when he was drunk, but failed.
One guest from abroad: Easily this gentleman, who is clearly suffering from a severe inner ear infection: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/1b70b56682/drunk-falls-all-over-london
I’m going to need someone to make me look good by comparison.
One family member/friend: My water guy, who’s basically a family member at this point. Having attended this event for three years in a row, I now know that the key to a successful wine event is the 3 H’s: hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
One celebrity: David Hasselhoff. He and I are on the same page regarding the importance of burgers after throwing back a few.
Celebrity: Maru! He’s arguably the most famous cat alive, which guarantees us free drinks from fans. I’d be hard pressed to find a human with a Tumblr page, Wikipedia entry, Youtube channel (viewed over 150 million times), and not one, but two books and DVDs dedicated to them. I mean, come on. This cat’s impressive.
Abroad: The Dansons la Capucine or “Paddy Cake” pair. These French felines are coordinated enough to make anyone look drunk by comparison, but I like their style. Plus, who knows what games they’ll think of after one too many? I know I’ll want video of that. That I know.
Youtube reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIePsbJSS04
Youku reference: http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNDM1MzExMzY0.html
China: 红小胖 or Snoopy. With the questionable English translation of its Chinese name being “little red chubby,” it’s no wonder this cat’s got a Western name too. Oh yeah, and he’s cute as hell! Snoopy has a ridiculously smushy face and big soft raccoon tail, so I’m confident when I hit that point in the night where I just want to cuddle, this will be my go-to cat.
Photos tagged of Snoopy Cat on Tumblr, for all you cuddlers: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/snoopy-cat
Friend: Grumpy cat! Also known by his real name, Tardar Sauce or Tard for short. I suppose he’s technically not my close friend, but I feel like he could certainly use one, so I don’t think he’ll call me out for it. Just one look at his face, and you know Tard could use some boozy refreshments to turn that frown upside down. Plus, I imagine he’s sarcastic, which would be funny. For a cat.
His website (China-friendly, too!): http://www.grumpycats.com
One guest living in China: My xbf & current best friend because he’s the only one that gets my sense of humor and with whom I can be comfortably myself with.
One guest from abroad: My college best friend in Miami since I haven’t seen him in ages since I went to a business conference in the US back in 2008 and passed on my China infectious bronchitis & fever.
One family member / friend: My grandma, who doesn’t need their ever nagging grandma asking about ‘do you have a bf yet?’ and ‘how can it be impossible for you to find a bf in China?’ to hang out with
One celebrity: Robert Pattison, I figure he needs a break from twilight fans, Kirsten Steward & the Papparazzi – besides he’ll be so deep in thought that he’ll keep out of my way…
Foreigner: Dom Perignon. Blind. Monk. Invented champagne. Hopefully he’ll bring some of his product.
Famous: Robert Parker. I want to sit him down with ten wines and give him a blind taste test. If he fails to identify them all correctly then we will ritually burn his books and force him to down shots of 1982 Chateau Margaux mixed with Sprite and ice.
Family: My mother. She loves wine and I miss having her around.
Chinese: Professor of Archaeology Fang Hui who in 1995, discovered remnants of Chinese grape wine making dating back more than 4600 years. Now, since China has a 5000 year old history, that means red wine is more intrinsically Chinese than the Great Wall.
Currently living in China: MaBuLi! MaBuLi! (Stephon Marbury’s bronze statue) He’s been bronzed in Beijing. The man is a dream story of someone, who found opportunity in modern China. The statue is fixed to a triumphant pose, which is how my guests and I will be feeling once we get to our presidential suite.
Foreigner: duh. Paris Hilton. done. She’s got guanxi at this place. Can probably pop open a few secret trap doors.
Friend: Ms. Toyoda, because she’s Japanese and has been living in fear. It’s time to upgrade the living quarters she shut herself into and qualm her fears over a bottle of Changyu.
Famous: Li Ying Zhi (car model). Her diamond-studded dress will also function as disco lighting for our party.
Me: Joshua. I could use more reasons to use the word “palatial.”
Guest living in China: Rita because October is her Bday month and she enjoys real good wines from the Old Country.
Guest from abroad: Jason from the US because he’s up for anything! He’s not a party pooper & he goes with the flow, always being the perfect gentleman!
Family member / friend: My brother Alex loves a good wine particularly from the New Country
Celebrity: Duchess Katherine… as an escape from her topless pic scandal…
Friend: John – one of my first bosses. He taught me that you can only count yourself a successful working professional if you have a hidden stash of booze in your office. (Note to my current bosses: Not that I’ve taken him up on that advice..).
China: My friendly upstairs neighbor, who seems to always be either walking his dog or pruning the trees around our apartment. I’m pretty sure he imagines I’m constantly on my bike, running late for work (true). He occasionally offers me some of his wilted flower petals or leaves to boil in water and drink, insisting they have medicinal properties. I imagine the equally positive effects of some good wine would be mind-blowing for him, by comparison.
Abroad: Taking dictionary.com’s definition of ‘abroad’ to mean “broadly; widely; far and wide,” my choice for guest from abroad would be a unicorn because it would look sooo majestic and photogenic.
Celebrity: Actor and sexy American Jon Hamm. He is the perfect mix of serious and hilarious, and judging by his Mad Men character, drinking just drives him to lust after the nearest woman, so…(location, location, location).
One guest from abroad: Alexander Romanovsky – talanted pianist, with his playing full of charm.
One guest living in China: Panda bear, just simply adorable with innocent look.
Friend: My best friend Anya – gypsy girl, always keeps smiling.
Celebrity: Will Smith is one of my favorite actors. Talented, super cute, attractive guy.
China: My friend Elisa. Hey, she is on the wine business, so you want to have somebody pointing at the wines and signaling which ones to savour, which ones to drink up and which ones to ignore. We need efficiency on our drinking, er, i mean, in our wine experience!
Abroad: Being the favourite (and only) daugther of my father, i would have to bring him. What a better way of bonding and convincing him I am doing OK on the other side of the world than showing him all the wine I get to drink in China?
Celebrity: Glenn Close. Glenn Close is evil, and looks like she knows how to drink. And I can absolutely picturing her “accidentally” pouring her red wine over somebody on a white dress and criticizing the dress of that lady on that other booth.
Friend: After much though, I guess I ought to choose Heather. She is funny and all, but most important, she is a lawyer. Yes, a lawyer. And Im pretty sure that after a full day at the “Food and Wine Experience” things can get “complicated”.
Celebrity: Hugh Jackman! Soo charming! And the way he sings!!! Have you heard him singing? :)
Guest from China: Famous Chinese Contemporary artsist Yue Minjun! He is very ironical!
if you’re familiar with his work, then you certainly would like to see his famous
smiling face not on a painting, but for real!
One guest from Abroad: my friend Adam, who is currently living in France. Just because me and China
miss him so much! and he could show me how to look smart with a glass of wine, oui oui!
One friend: My Best friend Yulia because she would love this event! She remembers the names of wines, sometimes
even writes in her small book, which is a great skill! so later, ordering a glass of wine, we can look smart again, using real names instead of 这个! :)
Celebrity: Robert Parker. I’ll make him blind taste a Silver Heights and challenge him to assign a three digit rating. Will have to kick him out before my other guests arrive tho because he’s way too snorty for what is about to happen.
One guest from abroad: Mitt “47%” Romney. I have a Felton Road dry Riesling that will make him want to want to drink. We’ll knock back a few glasses (half for him, 7.5 for me), check out his “binder of women” and rave about how Candy doesn’t know shit about Benghazi.
One guest living in China: Mo Yan. Because Mitt probably hasn’t met any Chinese persons in his life. And after a few glasses of Rieslings, he may want to reenact some scenes from Red Sorghum with some help from Mr Guan (Mo to you). He probably has Gong Li on speed-dial but she can’t join us but she has given Mandarin up for Singlish.
One friend: My long suffering ayi because she and me have had a lot of experiences of cleaning up after drunken newbies who had their first ergoutous. Oh wait, this is the Hilton.. well my sweet lovely ayi from Dongbei would really enjoy (no, I mean she REALLY needs) the shower for the third time in her life.
One guest from abroad: I would invite famous hedge fund manager Jim Chanos of Kynickos Associates. He has famously suggested China’s economy is in big trouble (and he often points to the housing market to support his views). With all of his chatter, Jim Chanos has never actually been to China! After a day of showing him the real Beijing, we could chat economics and grape terroir from the Hilton Beijing’s Presidential Suite.
One guest living in China: Devon Nixon, grandnephew of Fmr. US President Richard Nixon lives in Shanghai! He was even president of his MBA class in Shanghai…yes, another President Nixon! I mean, I need to meet this guy! Also, he has a very presidential name….goes well with presidential suite! And, I would tell him why I think Beijing is the better city to live in!
One friend: the guy who makes my sushi at Edomae on Lucky Street….Unfortunately, I don’t know his name (although I should) but his fatty salmon sushi brings me such great happiness. I am sure he would enjoy the Presidential suite…maybe he could bring some salmon?
One celebrity: Adam Richman from the TV show Man vs Food…because I can chat food 24/7 and we can both eat (and I’m sure he can drink)! In Beijing, the number one topic is food! Also, he has yet to do a show from Beijing…
China; CK Chan, owner of Grace Wines, Shanxi’s finest vintage wines.
Celeb: Ernie Els: champion of Ernie Els Winery & Big Easy Restaurant in Stellenbosch South Africa
Friend: Wife- cause I need somebody to take care of me after consuming wine all day (from a deep history of expierence)
Outside China: John Casella, Managing Director of Casella Wines, producer of Yellow Tail fine wines- its all I can afford to drink
Guest living in China – I’d better pick my fiancé. After hearing I won a prize for the presidential suite and didn’t invite her my life would not be worth living.
Guest from abroad – Id have to say Bo Gua Gua if anyone knows what went on in Chongqing/Chengdu it might be him. Im sure he’s no stranger to swanky soirees and hopefully with enough drink I might get a major scoop and find out all the sordid details.
Family/friend – My Godson Sean he’s 15 and hasn’t been to Asia. Id like to show him Beijing and afterwards possibly a little road trip around China. Hopefully he’ll see a little more clearly how important China will be for his future and possibly convince him to start learning Mandarin. Im sure he’d enjoy the presidential suite too.
One celebrity – David Simon the man behind the Wire and Treme two of my favourite TV shows. After a fun night of drinking I’d like to show him around the city and hopefully persuade him to make his next TV series about possibly the most important city in the world right now, Beijing. I think he’d do the place justice and with a little information gleaned from Bo Gua Gua we might even have enough to strong arm the government and get permission! Well you can but dream….
One guest from abroad: Matthew. He likes drinking. He sings well and he plays excellent trumpet. I like it when he plays jazz.
One guest living in China: Tianxiao, the owner of Jianghu Bar. He’s a good singer and he’s a saxophonists. He also enjoys drinking. He’s a friend of Matthew. I’m grateful for his kindness while I was working in Jianghu.
One friend: Josh, a guitarist, also my good friend. He’s allergic to wheat. So wines are his first choice. He’s a friend of Matthew and Tianxiao. I think they three haven’t seen each other for a long time. It’s a good chance for them to chat and drink as they want.
One celebrity: Anita O’Day. I like the way she sings.
Now we have a band. We can play music and sing while drinking.
I’m be grateful if they toast to my birthday, which is on 28th, Oct.
One guest from abroad – best friend monchong who loved china and would love it even more to get free food, wine AND board!
One guest living in China – my fiance (Peter Carney, see comments above). I enjoyed last year’s Hilton Food and Wine but was sad he wasn’t able to come.
One friend – Shani who is not a fan of wines. Maybe this event would change her mind ;)
One celebrity – boxer Manny Pacquiao!
Guest living in China: Drive-thru creator, Ryan Johnston because of the tales he has to tell and to guarantee replenished stocks from his impressive selection once the booze has been drunk dry.
Celebrity. CCTV anchor, Yang Rui, so there would be somebody sitting drinking alone wondering what they’ve said to upset everybody.
Friend: Former CCTV sports host and Libya captive, Nick Jones because he’s had a tough year but also might be able to break the ice with his former CCTV colleague.
One guest living abroad: Former Brick bartender Andy Lutz because of his genial, peacekeeping barside manner, but mainly because we all just miss him!
1 guest living in China: Lucy, my co-worker, who loves mingling & drinking parties.
1 guest from abroad: My boss from Japan who can drink bottles and bottles of red wine in one night…
1 family member / friend: My brother alex… he really loves wine…
1 celebrity: Beijing Boyce of course!
Guest in China: Zhang Ziyi – with the charm of the presidential suite, I’m sure she wouldn’t charge her standard $1M “companionship” fee. And she’s pretty.
Guest from Abroad: Charlie Sheen – he has nothing to do these days and I’m sure rarely gets invited anywhere. Chances are, he knows what to do with several thousand bottles of wine and a presidential suite…not too mention the ladies pouring the wine. He’d probably shell out the $1M if necessary too.
Family Member/ Friend: Not to reveal real names, but let’s just call my friend “Swifty Bottlefingers”. Our man without fail walks out of every wine tasting with a “complimentary” case of wine. This will be important for in-suite entertainment.
Celebrity: Martha Stewart – I’m sure she’ll be able to figure out how to get the wines stains out of the sofa and clean up whatever else we mess up after a night of wine and “the drug that’s charlie sheen”
For the Can Con Edition….
Celebrity: Avril Lavigne – She seems to love China and should be ready for a break from Chad Kroeger singing “Rock Star” during his daily shower ritual
Guest in China: Da Shan – we’ll tell him that he is invited for a cross-talk show in the lobby, but really he’ll just be our translator
Guest(s) from Abroad: Bob and Doug McKenzie – good drinkers and we’ll be able to solve the mystery if any mice show up in our wine bottles
Family member/ friend: Organizer of “Grade Eh” and Chinese wine expert, who could be better addition to this cast of Canadian allstars than Jim Boyce himself
Guest living in China: BEIJING BOYCE – self-explanatory.
Guest from abroad: PSY – entertainment.
Family member / friend: BEST FEMALE BUDDY– arrives 26 Oct. First time to China!
Celebrity: EDDIE MURPHY – more entertainment.
Guest living in China: Jim Boyce, because he’s affable, sociable, kind and clever. The fact that he also chooses the finalists for this contest is the purest of coincidences. Imagine that.
Guest living abroad: Jim Boyce, nightlife manager at the Borgata Hotel Casino. With that sort of job title, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I could do that he wouldn’t answer with, “No worries, happens to everyone.”
Family member/friend: James ‘Jimmy’ Boyce, celebrity chef who studied under none other than Daniel Boulud (shoutout to Beijing). While he might not technically be a friend, I can trace us back within 6 degrees of separation. Plus, everyone knows the way to a (wo)man’s heart is through his (her) stomach.
Celebrity: Jim Boyce, a current vice president of FIFA. In addition to his general Football (see: Soccer) knowledge, he’s from Northern Ireland. Pretty sure those two facts together mean he could teach everyone a thing or two about how to party like a champ. Or at least teach a certain boyfriend how to make it to a certain dinner buffet at a certain hotel without spilling wine, for once, on their nice shirt.
Guest from aboard: David Byrne – because he’s freaking David Byrne and Talking Heads and anything he touches is gold – his mind is an endless fountain of it – oh, and it’s required that he brings his ‘big suit’, or at least let me wear it
Guest from China: my xiao mai bu (corner store) owner who has fed my inebriated self one too many times with late nite jenbing and more yangjings, always with a smile on his face – it’s about time i return the favor for forcing myself on his chinese chess games
Friend/family: my quasi-godfather/semi-uncle who never fails to be a ball at the dinner table – I would love to force him away from his log cabin in Maine and ‘blow his mind’ – I know when he gets aggravated or is looking to piss someone off, he’ll start singing opera – so expect some improv opera singing
Celebrity: Zooey Deschanel – because she’s my manic pixie dream girl who I can rattle off film talk with and give me ample eye candy. I mean, the three guests above are really just strategically placed at this dinner table to make me look good and increase my chances
Guest from China: Selina, who has been my real estate agent for so many years and who will appreciate that suite. We can shout out areas of town – “Shuangjing”, Lido”, “Wangjing”, etc – and she can tell us in about three seconds flat the rent for an apartment the size of the presidential suite.
Guest living abroad: Connie Sellecca, co-star of the former TV series “Hotel”. Oh, you haven’t heard about that series? Oh, you weren’t born yet? Well, she was also in the series “The Greatest American Hero”. Oh, you haven’t heard about that one either? Let’s move on…
Friend / family member: Philip Osenton, who can hold more than 30 glasses in one hand. I’m assuming Hilton is covering breakage on this night, yes?
Celebrity: Zach Galifianakis, because you need someone from The Hangover to make this a night you will never remember.
(Note: This comment is just for fun, I’m not entering my own contest…)
My guest living in China would be Bo Xilai, he’s currently a guest of the Chinese leadership and not enjoying The Party at the moment. So maybe another kind of party would be a brief bur refreshing change of scenery. A night in the Presidential suite would be a taste of what he could have had and he’d be a great source of gossip….what did Xi say and Wen; how did he react? Hu said what? etc. Just don’t bring the wife Bo, and don’t ask what’s your poison when ordering the drinks.
One guest from abroad would be this guy, if he can break the hot dog eating record, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UInIYi167dA then our party would get the most out of all the free, all you can eat samples on offer. He could then tell us which ones were the most delicious.
Family member would be Beau the rabbit, he loves eating all sorts of food, but would just have to avoid hopping about too near the French chefs….
Celebrity: Obama because he’s Presidential enough for the suite plus he needs a break. It might also be the last time he enjoys living like a President.