I recently expressed on various social media and in a most visually obvious manner the delicious consequences of dribbling four kinds of Taco Bell sauce on a four cheese pizza from Gung Ho:
Rich Akers, marketing director a.k.a. “ninja” from said pizza chain, commented, “I WANT SOME SAUCE!” To which I replied that I would willingly provide some for his enjoyment. To which he replied, “That would be AWESOME!” (All caps and exclamation points are Aker’s.)
I set in motion the process for preparing a special Rich Akers Saucy Dozen kit, including three each of the Fire, Hot, Mild and Verde sauces in a resealable bag. Obviously, this reduced the precious resources of the Central Beijing Strategic Taco Bell Sauce Reserve (next photo):
Admittedly, it took several days to prepare the Rich Akers Saucy Dozen. For one thing, last-minute obligations ahead of the Mid-Autumn Festival kept me somewhat preoccupied. More crucially, added security enhancements at the Central Beijing Strategic Taco Bell Sauce Reserve meant a prolonged wait for the full clearance necessary to requisition even a single packet.
With clearance attained and package completed, I attempted to connect with Akers using modern means of communication. Actions taken included leaving a Facebook comment, sending an SMS and calling Akers on his mobile phone. Unfortunately, contact was not achieved. I then undertook the “old school” strategy of walking to the Sanlitun branch of Gung Ho several times to see if Akers happened to there. Alas, no.
Such is my belief in the combined force of Taco Bell sauce and Gung Ho pizza that I happily undertook such measures during that past week. However, after carrying the Rich Akers Saucy Dozen for that length of time, I am feeling the burden not only of the added weight but also of being a greater target of thieves (trust me, they can smell a sealed packet of Border Salsa Verde a mile away).
Thus, a plea to Rich Akers or his acquaintances: Please let me know how I might deliver this load of sauce. I believe that its application to a Gung Ho Nacho Beef pizza could have far-reaching and positive effects for the food industry as a whole. Seriously, delivering this sauce is that crucial. Plus, I’m afraid of losing it.
By the way, here is a heat map of the Central Beijing Strategic Taco Bell Sauce Reserve, which deceptively indicates the mild is the hottest.
Double hat tip to Eleni P for being the Brinks of Taco Bell sauce delivery and bringing so many packets from the United States.
Also, I’ve been on a Gung Ho delivery run the past two weeks, ordering about a half-dozen times. My favorite: the double combo with smoked pork and mushroom pizza, Greek salad, four egg tarts — though the base is almost always slightly undercooked: please do something about this, Gung Ho! — and two bottles of water. The order takes ~60 seconds, usually shows up in 20 minutes or so, and costs rmb109.