The ‘Want Some Stuff, Man?’ Contest: ‘Yeah, I want some [fill in blank].’

(Winner of Name That ‘Tun contest to be announced shortly.)

The stuff that gets you sauced. (funnycrave.com)

~

Visit Sanlitun at night, and appear as if there is at least a .01 percent chance you might want some “stuff”, and you will likely get a pitch from one of many mobile foreign salesmen keen to provide his supply to your potential demand.

However, if you are like me, you are not interested in such stuff, thus the nonstop proposals get tiresome. I mean, I do want stuff, I just don’t want the stuff they are selling.

If such entrepreneurs want my hard-earned RMB, here is stuff they should stock, all of which they could carry a supply of in a large pocket or a small knapsack:

  • Packets of Taco Bell hot sauce. I love it on top of scrambled eggs and Gung Ho pizzas but can only get it via friends returning from the U.S. and Canada. I’d happily buy.
  • Arm & Hammer baking soda toothpaste. It is available in a few stores in Beijing but I would be willing to redirect my purchasing power to the smaller businessman.
  • Miniature sewing kits. I only remember I need one when I am at home and need to add a button. Too late! A gentle, “Want a sewing kit, man?”, would trigger my memory and generate a sale.
  • Single-serving vacuum-sealed packs of Tim Horton’s coffee. When returning home after a big night out, I would buy a few to ensure a nice cup of java the next morning.

No doubt, many people reading this post can think of other stuff. So, why not a contest?

Leave a comment by 5 PM next Friday (July 27) and tell us what stuff you want.

I’ll randomly pick one comment as the winner of a 750 ml bottle of the 100th anniversary “Striding Man” edition of Johnnie Walker Black (hat tip to ksquare) and his and hers caps from the newly opened restaurant Uncle Otis. And I’ll possibly add more stuff.

Want some stuff?

34 thoughts on “The ‘Want Some Stuff, Man?’ Contest: ‘Yeah, I want some [fill in blank].’”

  1. Hey man you want some British Beef ?
    I have some nice cuts from the duke of Buccleuch Estate ! It’s proper Angus man.
    You want the Sirloin or I have the good stuff, the Fillet or if you are having a party I can do you a Chateaubriand !!!

  2. A robot call from one of the presidential campaigns at 4 in the morning, forwarded through my Skype number from back home. Oh wait, I already get those.

    David brand sunflower seeds. The Chinese ones get me by, but every once in a while I wouldn’t mind plain salted or BBQ flavor.

    And like any Southwestern USA citizen.. I miss the easy access to amazing Mexican and Tex-Mex cuisine that is available on any corner back home.

    Love the fun threads and random contests!

  3. “Yea man you got some of those cable binders? Yea the kind for computer cables, the velcro cable binders, you got those?”
    “Arizona iced tea in the can? You have some of that? Yea? Ok but the can says .99 cents on the side, how are you trying to charge me 25 kuai man? Whaddya mean you don’t know what I’m talking about??”
    “Yea I really need some trojans. Condoms, man…No, not those Durex ones, I need proper trojans, 36 count box. Whaddya mean you don’t know what I’m talking about??”

  4. Biscuits. And not those damn things the Brits put in their tea. I mean real biscuits with sausage gravy.

    2nd = chicken fried steak.

    Basically Beijing needs a Cracker Barrel.

  5. Crest Regular Paste, fruit leather, non-MSG seaweed, non-msg bouillon, tylenol, theraflu, jock itch spray (not for me, for my dog), speaking of dogs: good, non-toxic dog toys and chews, neutrogena shampoo, Bayer Children’s Chewable aspirin.

  6. Red vines. Or anything from Trader Joe’s. (and JK, have you checked out twoguysandapie.com?! No sauce, but great meat pies!)

  7. Maybe we can work out a deal. I’m back in the US after a year in China. Taco Bell sauce was high on my list. That and Coffeemate creamer.

  8. Alka Seltzer – I buy three boxes every time I’m in North America and it’s gone within a month thanks to SLT “gin”

  9. My ideal Sanlitun evening dialogue:

    “Hey man…you want some award-winning Big Bob Gibson White BBQ sauce from Decatur, Alabama?”

    “YES!!!”

  10. Prime USA Beef; Fresh Maine Lobster meat; Fresh Oysters from Tomales Bay, California; artisanal cheeses from Cowgirl Creamery; Kosher chopped liver and other deli food from the Lower East Side; 90 point Napa Chardonnay for under $16/RMB 100…shall I continue?

  11. Keynesian-style economic reform and a Nutter-Butter, in no particular order.

  12. Daniel, I think you read my mind. However since the 2nd Ave. Deli moved to 33rd and 3rd, the LES is just not the same….

  13. Moderately strong Dry Martinis, some honey glazed ribs, a new passport – and a gentle pointer on where to find a commendable bar. Thank you, that’d be all.

  14. “My man, wassup traveler…hey you want to rent my pet kitty for a week?”

  15. “Democracy, man. Democracy.”

    Barring that, I’d settle for Arrid XXX deodorant. Stick not spray, please.

  16. An anti-street salesman spray would be my favourite – in addition to all the mentioned culinary treasures!

    One spray and they’d go away…

  17. “Want some Visine Tears Dry Eye Relief, Man? It’s good stuff!”

    “It’ll get your eyes so lubricated and soothed…dude, you will love it, yo”

  18. hey would you like to partake in a both festive and incriminating sub-saharan disco bash, bro? i got these new madonna tracks from the recently shut down sanlitun dvd store. prime cuts, traveler!

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