File this under: “News from another dimension, possibly involving the Bermuda Triangle, and possibly provided by guys wearing Bermuda shorts”.
The Royal Moma Yacht Club (RMYC), introduced last Friday via this post, held its “soft opening” over the weekend, according to an official press release:
“The trial run was meant to work out any physical kinks in our sailing regime,” noted [Commodore Adam "Salmon Run"] Goodman. “This really was the last step in consolidating the RMYC, as we are already rather confident on not only our club structure, but also finances, sponsorships, membership programs, and most importantly the club’s ethical underpinnings”.
Despite the overall success of the mission, however, the club did run into a few kinks -– most stemming from edgy and vicious sailing and the yacht’s primitive fuel injection systems. “Well, within three minutes Commodore Goodman had sheared off a portion of my mast, which we had to manually revive from the depths of Davey Jones’ MOMA locker,” said CFO [Nick "Poopdeck"] Papa “We have duly noted that big boats, in the future, shall not attack smaller boats. For fuel injection systems, we consulted the knowledge of a few tradesmen in order to ensure our yachts continue to sail at speeds that make a farce out of the laws of modern physics”
Main sponsor Café Carmelo was also present at the trials to witness the RMYC’s physical birth. “The boys Goodman and Papa frequented my establishment for the past few weeks jabbering on about this highly conceptual yacht club idea of theirs. Having reviewed their accounts and business proposal, I was pleased to see them finally set sail. I’m happy to announce upon the tail of their aquatic triumph the introduction of two new items at Café Carmelo – The Yachtsman sandwich [Surely, the only proper name is The RMY Club Sandwich. - Ed] and a cocktail I have dubbed the ‘Gin Titonic’.
Speaking off the record, an employee from the club’s pro bono media consultant, iBarnacle, described the day as “symbolic”, calling it “a shift from treading water to the dog paddle, one that will eventually lead to that belly flop known in the trade as a ‘hard opening’.”
“The RMYC will be making another run, the RMYC promises something for everyone,” he added. “It’s life’s sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you.”
The RMYC reports that it is reviewing a number of applicants, a process that includes security and bank account checks, yachting skills tests, and a full medical to weed out allergic reactions to “watermelon, Stolichnaya, or watermelon infused with Stolichnaya.”