F-18, bro: Beijing Celebrity Pub Crawl with Charlie Sheen
Update II: And the winner of the random draw is Euchid. Congrats!
Update: The prizes will include a bottle of Martin Miller’s Gin from Liquid Luxury China. More stuff to come…
"Do I want 'some stuff'? Are you kidding?" (accesshollywood.com)
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Two years ago yesterday, I started a series of contests called Celebrity Pub Crawl. The idea: Pick a celebrity like Kylie Minogue or a character like Homer Simpson and ask people what bars he or she should visit. (I ran seven contests: Crockett and Tubbs, The Desperate Housewives, Homer Simpson, James Bond, Jack Burton, Austin Powers, and Kylie Minogue.)
Seems like we’re due for another one, so why not Charlie Sheen?
Simply leave a comment and tell us which bar(s) you would take this fist fire-breathing, tiger fang-adorned quotation machine for a winning! night in Beijing.
All I know is the evening would start with him cleaning out every dealer in Sanlitun north a.k.a. the Charlie Sheen amuse bouche. Then onward…
Deadline: Friday at 5 PM. I’ll then do a random draw and announce the winner next Monday.
Prizes: I’ll dig up some good stuff and list it tomorrow. Wild Turkey and other assorted bottles? Don’t worry, it’ll be F-18, bro.
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OK, I’m just throwing this out there, but ladies night at Xiu Bar seems like a perfect fit…
Is it too obvious to say Maggie’s? Where all the other delusional males in Beijing go to? Charlie’s not against paying for sex, and nothing says WINNING! like a Maggie’s hotdog… I’m sure with a quick phone call he can get (kilo)grams of Charlie Sheen delivered when needed.
Oh, forgot to add – duh!
Well, being the class act he is, its nothing but the winningest for the Warlock himself.
First stop, Tryst. Oh. Damn. Its closed. Shame. Tryst was totally the Charlie Sheen of Beijing bars.
Ok. Fine. We’ll start at Red Capital Club, in honor of his early work on Red Dawn. There he’ll rock a Lin Bia’s Crash cocktail, because nothing gets the AA-eschewed system primed like a Baijiu cocktail.
Next up, it has to be someplace that exudes a degree of class, elegance, and sobriety akin to Charlie. Huxley’s it is.
Then its on to Latte where, according to US Embassy, it can get a bit hairy for laowai. Perfect… Charlie would like to let a few roughneck locals mistake his passion for anger in the form of a Qingdao bottle to the skull.
Do I even need to say the stunningly obvious fact that we’d wrap the night at Maggies? Its the greatest trip, cuz they save it for last. You know, deep.
Good stuff? I have a bottle of Martin Miller’s ultrapremium gin for your winner :)
CHOCOLATE! I’m sure it will be more than a blast.
First of all I don’t condone the use of blow, but, Charlie is in town so you kind of have too.
Friday Night…9:45 pm Time to pick up my buddy Charlie at the airport , I have thrown the tires back on “Bus Bar” and instructed my Nigerian chauffeur,Mr. “What up, Man” to book it to terminal 3.
9:57 pm Two quick pit stops, Chinese Pharmacy and KTV conveniently located right next door to each other. I stock up on Condoms, “Chongqing Hostesses” and Tiger’s blood” and place them at the back of the bus.
10:30 pm Charlie’s flight arrives at 11:15, so I have some time to kill, So I dress up the girls and myself in our matching bowling shirts and prepare signage to welcome Charlie in style. I instruct Mr. W.U.M to raid the Burger King straw dispenser. We are going to need a lot of straws tonight.
11:15 pm Charlie arrives, he is seeming to have a little trouble clearing customs, there checking his bag, good god, I can’t believe that Charlie, too funny, he stuffed a porn star in his bag. What a character!
11:33 Charlie makes a break for it, I have the girls form a wall of KTV kung fu to hold off the authorities. While we fight are way back to the “Bus Bar” and scream away. That was a close call, but, we are here to party!!
11:34 Blow, Tiger Blood, Whiskey Sours and Condoms, in no particular order.
11:35 till Midnight Rinse, Repeat and Rinse
12am arrive at Chocolate
12:01 We gather our posse
12:02 Do blow and body shots off the little bouncer
12:03 Do blow on the escalator
12:04 Charlie and I have to pee, we do blow off the golden urinal
12:05 Seated in front of the stage we order 88 bottles of Russian Standard and 10 fruit platters covered in mayonnaise, our posse has grown to 60 people, and Charlie has promised to buy the majority of them Bentley s.
12:15 The show begins
12:30 Charlie insist on buying the girls in the golden frames, He says, he is an art collector
12:31-12:45 Charlie keeps yelling out bids, he insists on calling Chocolate “Southebys”
12:46 Our welcome is worn out, we are tazered, mysteriously our entourage
12:55 We wake up in front of the Alien Market, Charlie insists on playing Darts so we head off to phils pub
12:56 Phil’s Pub , A quick match of mickey mouse, 14 whiskey sours, and blow off the back of the dart board
Part II of this pub crawl should be continued by Boyce or Charlie my creative writing skills are killing my brain
fastball:
psst# check it, you’ve been warned. #SheensKorner @ D Lounge. Warlock Adonis DNA only.
A violent torpedo of truth. love or hate. do the math.
#WINNING
Charlie is a man who likes to “Keep it real” so to speak, so I would obviously take him to Maggie’s. No need to beat around the bush. (No Pun Intended)
Anyone who doesn’t answer Maggie’s to this question is just certifiably wrong. ;)
Ok Ill keep it real.
Propaganda, and no where else!
I’m a D-22, bro!
Sheen? Maggie’s? I’m there. Where do we start? Ino where we’ll end up. I win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!