Give a Crap Report VII: I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus, and more

I doubt he's hiding in someone's throat (sergiosfstop.com)

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First, I posted no Give a Crap Reports for more than a year. Now, I have put up a pair in two weeks. It’s like going from constipation to diarrhea but only half as much fun. As usual, these are things that would happen if bar owners and managers only listened to me, me, and me.

51. Destinations would hold an I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus party. Add some mistletoe and the double innuendo that comes with a “Santa grab bag” special and I don’t see how this could fail.

52. Just so the straight crowd doesn’t feel left out: We need a cap on sloppy make-out sessions at bars. (I am thinking of a couple at The Brick last Friday who were like two famished anteaters that decided tonsils might do as well as insects. Or maybe they were searching for Bobby Fischer. Actually, could we simply refer to that kind of tonsil hockey as Bobby Fishering?) Let’s establish a certain time limit or “gross threshold”. When violated, the couple gets a zap with the taser.

53. Newly opened House would have a series of “In Da” parties just so I can write “In Da House” and feel cool. Also, I think their opening party should have used a “House Broken” theme. Then again, what do I know about electronic music.

54. We need some kind of protest about the Clamato prices in Beijing. It is good this key ingredient for Caesars is finally available but RMB29.5 for a 473 ml bottle at Marketplace? You might as well sell it from an eyedropper at those prices. Canadian embassy types: Stop focusing on maple syrup market share (we already won that battle) and get on top of this.

5. I covered this idea here but might as well make it official: Given the place looks a bit like a ski lodge, Grinders should hold a Hot Tub Time Machine party over the Chinese New Year for those people staying in the city. Add some ski paraphernalia, a faux fireplace, and a few hot tubs, mix in some eighties tunes, and top it off with old standbys like Sex on the Beach, Tequila Sunrises, and wine coolers.

56. I’m a fan of Café Bellissimo in Solana. I like the design, I like the food (I enjoyed the Caesar with its sprinkling of anchovies and the substantial if slightly sloppy cheeseburger), and I like the staff… when management is around. As with many places, things slide as soon as management leaves. On Wednesday night, the three guys on duty forgot half my order (and I was the only customer), didn’t realize the music had stopped, and spent a lot of time giggling, play fighting, or daydreaming, with an occasional belch. These guys seem nice enough but could use a reminder or two about service.

57. That someone do something about the Ferraris, Lamborghinis, et al that race around or do doughnuts at Workers Stadium every night. Forget the damage the drivers are doing to these cars while zipping over speed bumps. The bigger problem is that even though these shenanigans usually happen after 3 AM, there is still foot traffic in that area, meaning it is a disaster waiting to happen.

58: That Siif add support to the handrails for the stairs. They are already steep enough without having a wobbly rail. I don’t want the last thing I see in this lifetime to be that musty cement basement floor coming at me.

See also:
Give a Crap Report VI
: Modo, Q, Bean’s, Fubar, Bang! Bang!, and more
Give a Crap Report V:
Blue Frog, Erlitun, Le Petit Gourmand, Prima Taste, and more
Give a Crap Report IV:
Tun, Er, Hex, All-Star, Stadium, and more
Give a Crap Report III:
This blog goes ballistic
Give a Crap Report II:
Tun, Q, Maison Boulod, Press Club Bar, and more
Give a Crap Report I:
Bookworm, Klubb Rouge, Maggie’s, All Star, Luga’s, and more

One thought on “Give a Crap Report VII: I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus, and more”

  1. seeing as how clamato is a) expensive b)popular with foreigners and c) can be mixed with other liquids, give it a few months and you will be able to buy it for 20rmb.

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