Beijing Boyce

Musical explosion: The DJ to patron ratio

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Is it just me or does every third person in a Beijing bar describe themselves as a DJ? Based on personal estimates, that’s a major increase from one in six in 2008, one in ten in 2007, and a meager one in 20 just three years ago.

Global warming, economic crises, or a planet-shattering meteor strike might be the least of our worries if this trend continues. Instead, when the DJ to patron ratio reaches 1 to 1 – or, for a more visual explanation, when the pink dot meets the blue dot on the graph above – it could launch a chain reaction of catastrophic consequences (think the scary parts of The Bible, or the Y2K bug, but with house music). The pressing question: By the time anyone decides to do anything about the situation, will it be – as the BBC might put it – too little, too late?

Note: I’m having a problem with the “comments” function on the blog. If you want to leave one, please email it to me at beijingboyce (at) yahoo.com and I’ll post it.

The patron-DJ chain reaction unleashed.

D-Bar in the Renaissance Beijing Capital Hotel is featuring RMB12 bottles of Guiness, Corona, and Carlsberg at the moment. The Beijinger will hold a party there this Friday, from 7:30 to 11 PM, to make a dent in the stock. D-Bar is near Fulicheng (61 Dongsanhuan Middle Road / 中国北京市东三环中路61号 邮编).

The Rickshaw is holding 10 Mao Wing Mondays. Here’s a chance to exchange your coins and small notes for something tasty (I’m partial to the medium sauce). The Rickshaw also continues with its Lord of the Wings competition.

Finally, for Aussies looking for a cozy spot to celebrate the one-month anniversary of their national day, Nanluguoxiang bar 12sqm will have RMB15 Coopers today from 5 PM to midnight.

Print this post and read it proper surroundings (pic: felixtreadswell).

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This is part four in the Give a Crap Report series, which covers what would happen in the bar scene if only people listened to me, me me! (Previous reports listed at bottom.)

25. TUN would replace the highly wound springs on the swinging doors leading to the restrooms and thus reduce the number of cracked knuckles, bruised forearms and broken ribs as well as, for short people, bloody noses and, for tall people, “lower body injuries.”

26. Whiskey bar Er, which lacks its own toilet, would hire someone to clean the shared facilities patrons must use on the other side of the building’s lobby. The service, bourbon, and atmosphere are good at this place, but I would rather not see or, worse, slip on someone’s, um, processed spirits.

27. This is a long shot: Hex in the Legation Quarter would become the part of the set for a reality show in which people dress up like bees. That honeycomb look would make for the perfect bar and the actors could drop lines like “your hive or mine?” and “you are as sweet as honey.” (Before anyone out there writes that a hive only has one female, let me preempt them and point out that in my world bees are free to be gay.)

28. Back to the serious stuff: Stadium sports bar (happy hour currently includes two cans of Beamish for RMB30) would put an English-language sign on its door, which is wired shut, to let patrons know they must reach the place via Drei Kronen 1308.

29. And Stadium would have no charge for peanuts.

30. A bar would regularly show NHL games and especially Hockey Night in Canada, which is on Saturdays and thus perfectly timed for a Sunday morning breakfast crowd in Beijing. Why can I find ten places to doze off while watching F1 and not a single spot to see the sweet art of elbowing? <– I wrote this before learning the Goose and Duck is showing games. Consider this one crossed off.

31. I have seen that “perfection takes patience” motto on the wall, but Crobar would nevertheless take down its “opening soon” sign until it is within one month of doing so. (I hear the place might open in June.)

32. All-Star would not charge RMB24 for toast – two slices, cut in half, with a pat of butter – unless it came with a complete breakfast. They would also stop sending mobile phone spam to people who did volunteer to receive it.

Note: I’m having a problem with the “comments” function on the blog. If you want to leave one, please email it to me at beijingboyce@yahoo.com and I’ll post it. I hope to have things fixed by tomorrow afternoon.

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See also:
Give a Crap Report III: This blog goes ballistic
Give a Crap Report II: Tun, Q, Maison Boulod, Press Club Bar, and more
Give a Crap Report I: Bookworm, Klubb Rouge, Maggie’s, All Star, Luga’s, and more

Save your time. For some reason, my normally reliable spam filter is not working and thus my comments box is being flooded with about 1,000 junk messages per day (hmm, I wonder if one of them is about blocking spam?). It looks like I’ll have to dump the lot, so apologies to those who have taken the time to submit a comment.I hope to have the system working by tomorrow afternoon.

Looka, looka? (kinabaloo.com)

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The economic crisis seems to have hit the Lotus Lane lady bar touts in Houhai. How else to explain that as I walked from Starbuck’s to La Baie des Anges a mere 14 people approached me with the “Sir, lady bar. Looka looka. Beautiful girls” spiel. On an annoyance scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being highly annoying, this place has dropped from a 14 to a 12.

Anyway, despite upbeat Latin bands, patrons were few and far between both at Buffalo and Alpha Omega, while Sex and Da City featured a pole dancer, on a mission against rhythm, as  about a dozen patrons crowded around the bar and slurped their bars. On to the places visited:

La Baie des Anges: A cozy spot with comfortable bench seating, room for a half-dozen patrons at the bar, music at a volume that makes conversation easy, and some decent wines by the glass (divided on this night into “balanced and silky” and “fresh and fruity”). Rare are wine bars in Beijing that have survived two years and draw a crowd, and I will soon post a talk with co-owner Olivier Six about how he has managed to do this.

Shut Up, Just Drink (Huxley’s): After circling the entire lake in search of Obiwan, we ended up here. This place is smokier than the lungs of a two-pack-a-day Zhongnanhai puffer who has just taken a massive drag. But you feel it (stinging eyes) rather than see it because the combined strength of the half-dozen or so lights is about 100 watts (rough estimate). Still, I like the earthy atmosphere, that white-plastered sloped ceiling, the cheap beer, and the likelihood of running into a character or two.

Obiwan: With directions obtained at Huxley’s, we took a taxi here. It reminded me a bit of the old 5:19 bar: three stories, a grungy feel, a bare cement rooftop with a view of the water (though the pond behind Super Bar Street was an eyesore), and a few cheesy touches (tinsel on the staircases), though it is much larger and thus lacked that Wayne’s World recreation room feel. This night featured a German party downstairs, so we headed upstairs for a drink and found Tsingtao at RMB15, other beers at RMB25 and up, soup of the day at RMB20, and one woman violently heaving in the toilet. That rooftop will be nice in the summer and Obiwan seems like a good event space, though a map is essential.

The Boat: The DJ to patron ratio stood at about 2.5 to 1 when we arrived at 3 AM, but a stream of late night party people, incluing a strong Russian contingent, came in as the hours whiled away. One of the co-owners seemed annoyed that the draw of me was the buy two, get one free Stella, rather than the DJs. What can I say, I didn’t have a cultured upbringing. Nevertheless, this is a creative space, which includes the men’s toilet and its view of the river through the portholes.

What is there more kindly than the feeling between host and guest?
- Aeschylus

Well, there you go. A reminder that Loong, in the JW Marriot, is holding its third Hospitality Night for people in the wine, restaurant, bar, hotel, and related businesses. This event has drawn about 60 people the last two weeks (the first ended, as have more than a few recent nights, at Chocolate). This week will also see some appetizers from Pinot Brasserie and a live band.

A few notes from last night’s walk about…

Let’s Burger: I found the patty tasty, but the cheeseburger as a whole too sloppy. And why automatically include the homemade sauce given there is a self-serve table with a dozen different options? The last two bites of the burger tasted like salad topped with 1000 Islands. The staff is friendly, but a bit too much in that “I wonder if they’re on speed” kind of way. By the way, eating companion Mr. Brau said of his burger, onion ring, and Diet Coke meal: “The burger is OK, but extra mushy. The onion rings were nice, but the portion is a bit skimpy. Let’s say I’ve had better 100-kuai meals.”

The Saddle Cantina: Dropped in for a drink and by the time I left at 8 PM not a table was empty. There is also a new Hoegaarden deal on Wednesday: buy one pint, get a second pint, plus chips and salsa, for free.

Le Petit Gourmand: This place continues to be my top wireless stop. Good signal, comfy chairs, cheap drinks (RMB12 for a soda, RMB15 and up for coffee), and tasty food (a sandwich with sides of fries and salad hits the spot for ~RMB40).

Burger King: ksquare reports that the branch at Terminal 3 is temporarily closed due to a fire in the kitchen. I guess everyone got theirs well-done on that particular order.

From Great Wall to Great Barrier Reef?

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Many people know about The Best Job in the World contest, which gives one candidate the chance to live on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.

Many people know Paul Eldon, who works at The Bookworm and creates those challenging Monday night quizzes.

What many people don’t know is that Paul is applying for The Job.

Click the photos in this post to see his clever 60-second application video, which includes stops at Jenny Lou’s and The Blue Zoo a cameo by former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke. To pass on the video, use this link.

Click the photos in this post. To follow Paul’s quest for The Job, see his blog Right Person, Wrong Place.

Paul is a great guy and would be a big loss to The Bookworm, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for him (on the other hand, if he wins it would mean we have a free place to stay should we ever go to Queensland).

He's already figured out Aussie food.

Something to smile about on Sundays (phillymag)

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Among the more desperate emails I receive are those from readers who are looking for a bar – any bar – to watch NHL games. Last year, it looked like Cafe St. Laurent would show them, but plans fell through, as they also did at The Rickshaw. In fact, the only place I caught a few games was at Paddy O’Shea’s during last year’s playoffs.

Good news: It turns out the Goose and Duck is not only showing Hockey Night in Canada, which is broadcast in the Great White North on Saturdays and thus means we can watch it while enjoying breakfast on Sunday, but also has a 24-hour TSN feed with highlights available daily. The signal is delivered via slingbox, and the quality is not perfect, but a few early morning beers should correct your vision.

The Goose and Duck also told me that they are extending the half-price deal for their new comedy and magic club to students, teachers, and support staff from international schools, from Monday to Thursday. The deal includes dinner and the show.

Um, like none.

Far be it from me to complain given I haven’t had a TV since the 2006 World Cup, which means my movie watching has been limited to flights (saw the horrible movie Bottle Shock on the last one) or TUN during those six weeks the place showed flicks on Sundays, though those were all oldies but goodies (example: Slapshot).

Anyway, Scott Sykes at 36pr.com asked me which bars would show the Oscars and I figured I could do a quick check tonight and find at least a few. But Facebook, 7 Days, The Beijinger forum, the City Weekend events section, etc turned up nothing. I guess if you are a movie fan, the bar scene’s performance is the equivalent of Ishtar. Anyway, if anyone does find a place that is showing the awards, please let me know.

Must... find... Oscar...

Ever dream of making vino but found yourself thwarted by the lack of a vineyard, a winery, and oenological training? Then consider Sunday a reality check as Vineyard Wine Experience will hold its grand opening at 2:30 PM in Jianwai Soho.

Customers at VWE have 24 juice choices, ranging from Australian Shiraz to German Riesling to French Merlot to Californian White Zinfandel. The process starts with fermentation, ends with choosing a bottle shape and size, adding the corks, and designing the labels, and takes four to eight weeks depending on the grape chosen. Co-owner Ryan Hao says it is not only good for people interested in wine, but also for those looking for a unique wedding gift or a team-building exercise. A batch of wine costs about RMB3000 and results in 30 bottles.

Nicolas Carre and I visited on Tuesday and tried a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and an Australian Cabernet-Merlot made on the premises. We found both of them pleasant.

Tomorrow’s event allows prospective wine makers to check out the operation. VWE is in Jianwai Soho, on the third floor of tower 10, directly across from the building that houses Cafe Europa and down the hall from Time Cafe.

The past week was kind of crappy blog-wise.

It ended last night with me shooting my mouth off (apologies all around) while on a crash course with my first hangover of the year. It started seven days earlier on a Thursday night at TUN: not only did the place refuse to play the CD for the Jagermeister dance team, thus denying us the joys of their ballet of booze, but also the guitarist played a long self-indulgent set that included a nearly ten-minute rap about abolitionists (though he did come to the rescue of the Jager-ettes by creating an impromptu song that included a reference to Chuck Yeager).

In between was toaster-gate, coffee grinder-gate, a sub-par Valentine’s Day, and the disturbing experience of seeing a tazer in Sanlitun, followed by this story of a visiting businessman getting stun-gunned.

Also, I was among the six patrons at All-Star to watch the NBA all-star game. I ordered the RMB50 breakfast, noticed it came with no toast, and learned that two slices would cost an extra RMB24 (!). And at 12:57 PM, the staff told me I had to leave because the place would close between 1 PM and 5 PM.

Also, while I surfed the net at TUN, the unpleasant smell of burning plastic arose. I assumed it came from a full ashtray nearby. Nope. A few minutes later, my computer cord started to spark and blew a fuse in the place.

Also, my Cobb salad at The Rickshaw a few nights ago contained no avocado. NO AVOCADO!

Yeah, in the grand scheme of things most of this stuff doesn’t matter, but seriously… RMB24 for toast?

We have our leading candidate for worst promotional email of the year, knocking off the ALL CAPS BLAST FROM PADDY O’SHEA’S, but first…

- Mr. Brau gives two curry-stained thumbs up to the new Pink Loft (in the former Browns spot). He went for dinner and says the staff is “awesome”, the food is “excellent”, and the value is “good.” He also noted there is a RMB38 lunch special, which I will soon check out.

- Both stevelee and m-dawg report the Renaissance Hotel (Shuangjing) is featuring RMB12 bottles of Guinness this month. Apparently, it is available at the lobby bar and at Fratelli’s.

- Hopes for Mare to reopen near Workers Stadium are low given the place is empty of furniture. Mare drew heavy traffic, which makes one wonder if the culprit here is property issues. Those looking for tapas in the area can check out related spot OLAS in Sanlitun Village.

- Displaying the marketing style behind sibling establishments Klubb Rouge and Stadium Sports Bars, German bar and restaurant Drei Kronen 1308 has sent an email that includes a customer survey and a new happy hour.

The buy one, get one free happy hour runs 5 to 8 PM and 10 PM to midnight until March 31. Given my previous experiences with bills at DK1308, I expect some confusion for patrons whose imbibing bridges the happy and non-happy hours.

As for the survey, it asks respondents to list name, nationality, telephone number, e-mail address, dining frequency, and suggestions for improvement. My suggestions for improvement:

- Fix your email format: This one was loaded with bad spacing, varying font sizes and styles, a rainbow of font colors  (pink, green, red, orange, blue and black), inconsistent spacing, sections with ALL CAPS, and a layout that even a motherboard couldn’t love.

- Proofread the message: “RUN HOURS” (“hours of operation”?), “FEATURE：brewery with a kingly privilege”, etc.

- Use “BCC”, not “CC”, so you do not disclose the email addresses of customers and potential customers.

- Have some, uh, survey questions (asking how often I eat there and “Do you have any comments about our service, food, atmosphere or any other comments?” does not cut it).

- When announcing there is a happy hour, also list the details of it (buy one, get one free).

DK1308 has a nice layout, good home brew, and a friendly staff, but methinks there just might be a wee gap between the precision of the franchiser and brew-making time and the local marketing team.

A visiting businessman was stun-gunned, beaten, and robbed by two people, including at least one foreigner, around 9 PM in the side streets west of  Sanlitun North last night, according to two sources, one of whom had been with the victim shortly before the incident.

This is the story: The man left a bar, a foreigner approached and asked if the man needed help getting a taxi, the man thanked him for the offer and followed him down a side street, and he was then stunned from behind, beaten, and robbed.

Even taking this story from consideration, this is not the first time stun guns have come up in Sanlitun, so bar-goers should be on their guards even more than usual. I consider Beijing among the safest places in which I have lived, something particularly impressive given the size of the city, but shit does happen – be careful and make sure it doesn’t happen to you.

Shane Crombie is a digital brand strategist, organizer of the ‘First Thursday‘ monthly ad industry event, and regular contributor to localnoodles.com. Here are his top five watering holes and his five suggestions for restaurant and bar owners on how to improve their offerings in a weakened economy. First, his five suggestions.

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1) Distill down and define in one short sentence what your brand stands for and then ask , ‘So, what makes us so special?” If you draw a blank, ask your customers.

2) Price promotions are popular right now. Create an offer that sounds almost too good to be true for maximum impact. Remember the formula: Quality ~ Price = Value

3) Invest in proper staff training and management and treat them like family. Bad service always ruins a good meal and good staff are made not born

4) Pay attention to what your patrons say about you online. Look for trends and gaps and act on them.

5) Those small magazine ads are not cost effective. Connect with your audience online when they’re really paying attention.

The bottom line is get online, keep it simple, and execute flawlessly, and you will prosper.

My top five places:

Ichikura: You cant just go to Ichikura the first time, a friend must take you there. Why? Because watching a master craftsman at work is a sight to behold in good company. Learn about the copper cup, ponder how they make those perfectly formed ice balls, and enjoy the best Moscow Mule in Beijing.

Tun & Nanjie: An oft-asked question around town is, ‘Why is Tun so popular’? Its simple. They give the people what they want: fun music, a very well-run bar and low prices. Its where east meets west in the city. And when I’m about done with the hot hits of the eighties, I head across the car park to Nanjie and some groovin house tunes.

Face: For important occasions, Face is bulletproof. It’s a magnificently designed environment with multiple Asian menus and a generous lounge area to while away the after hours. You’ll never get fired for making a reservation here.

Bed: After a dimly lit dinner at Sambal, Bed is the perfect place to enjoy the city’s best caprioska. It’s an ambient, subtly restored space hidden down an alleyway offering an original interpretation of a classic theme. That’s Beijing.

Element Fresh: They play the best down-tempo music in town, the brewed coffee is rocket fuel, the fruit plate tastes like real fruit, and the pancakes are done just right. What am I getting at? Beijings best weekend recovery session. Just be sure to get there early when its peaceful.

A quick note that The Goose & Duck has opened a magic and comedy club above the sports bar. This month’s entertainer is magician Farrell Dillon from L.A. (Can he make my rent disappear? How about my beer gut winter padding?)

The show, dinner, and drinks cost RMB300 per person, from 6:30 to 10:30 PM, Monday to Saturday. The G & D also has half-price all-you-can-eat-and-drink specials on Mondays for students, Tuesdays for ladies, and Wednesday for embassy staff (but I’m not sure about their drivers).

For details, call 59283045/46/47.

Given ongoing reader emails regarding the status of Maggie’s as well as good reviews for Chocolate, I did a quick tour of Yabao Lu last Wednesday around midnight:

Chocolate: Once again, this place did not disappoint. Imagine LAN’s décor merging with Treasure Island’s vibe. The place bustled, the faux solid gold urinals sparkled, and tables of patrons threw down bottles of liquor.

Treasure Island: The sparse crowd makes me wonder if some patrons are shifting to Chocolate across the street. A half-dozen employees practically pounced on me when I entered.

Hollywood: On this night, it was back under lock and key.

Maggie’s: Like TI, this place had a light crowd, with only a handful of patrons. On the other hand, someone told me they found the place fairly crowded a week before. One suggestion when it comes to the guys running the hot dog cart: the dog is piping hot, the bun is steamed, and then the mustard and ketchup squirted on top is… ice cold? Maybe they could keep those bottles on top of the steamer.

The first hospitality night at the JW Marriott’s Loong Bar drew about 60 hotel, food and beverage, restaurant, bar, and media types for a night of shop talk. The featured beverages were from The Wine Republic, with my favorite being the Xanadu Chardonnay. Given the amount of booze consumed, I have a feeling that at least 20 percent of the revenue from the hospitality business in this city comes from, uh, people in the hospitality business.

This event is being held weekly from 9 PM at Loong Bar. The RMB100 entry fee includes two drinks. A hat tip to Alice, from Pinot on the lower level, who was especially helpful in guiding people to the venue.

But is she a regular customer?

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After spending far too much time on toaster-gate, I figured I could thwart a potential grinder-gate with this post last week that stated the weekend brunch at Union Bar & Grille includes bottomless coffee.

Nope.

On Saturday, as I enjoyed my second brunch (the eggs with the first were barely cooked) the waitress told my two acquaintances they would get free coffee with their brunch because they were with me. What!?

This annoyed me because 1) I know the main consultant behind the project and told him that my policy is to be treated like any other customer, and 2) as mentioned above, last week I was told that coffee is free with brunch. Given the misinformation surrounding the toast at Union, I thought something of the same might be going on with the coffee.

First, I found out that two readers who regularly go to Union receive free coffee and that two readers do not. Second, I called someone at Union and learned the free coffee is for “regular customers.” Thus, it seems that the coffee policy is simply bad.

For example, if someone reads here that coffee is included with brunch and goes to Union only to find out is not, it both damages the potential for return business for the restaurant and makes me look stupid. The policy also depends on the staff remembering who is a regular. What if one employee thinks I’m a regular and gives me free coffee, then on my next visit a different employee doesn’t recognize me and charges an extra RMB20 (this is especially relevant given there is new staff on board)? I find it surprising that Union has such a confusing policy given that the group behind the place, Windy City, has more than a decade of experience in the restaurant game.

My suggestions: 1) Include coffee for free with all brunch orders, or 2) do not include it with brunch, or 3) make a special deal, such as allowing customers to add bottomless coffee for RMB10. But whatever the policy, make it clear.

In any case, given I am not sure of the “official” policy of the Union, I retroactively paid for the coffees I have received and am downgrading the brunch from the “best” in town to “good.”

Yesterday, I posted a few last-minute Valentine’s Day ideas. Here are a few more that might not be so romantic, but that might be fun.

One option for swinging singles is ladies night at Tim’s Texas Roadhouse (6461-1141 / Super Bar Street), which features free drinks for the fairer sex as well as “danceable rock and alternative music” by DJ T.O., the spin master from the former 5:19 bar. The action kicks off at 8 PM.

Meanwhile, wine bar La Baie des Anges (66571605) is offering St. Valentine’s “love potions” as well as specials on vino. The location makes it easy to add a romantic neon-lit walk around Houhai before heading to the bar for a glass or two.