Give a Crap Report II: Tun, Q, Maison Boulod, Press Club Bar, and more
Last year, I started a series called If Beijing Bar Owners Gave a Crap What I Thought or, much terser, The Give a Crap Report (see first installment). Here is the second round:
9. Tun would complete its Beijing bar feel – which includes the Great Wall DJ booth, cheap drinks, and unpretentious crowd – by setting up a yangrou chuan stand outside.
10. Whiskey bars such as Glen and Er would spend a few bucks on ice ball molds rather than have the bartenders endlessly chip rough hunks of the frozen stuff into spheres as I’m enjoying my single malt. If I wanted to hear that, I’d buy a pet woodpecker.
11. All of the bars, clubs, and restaurants going out of business would hold a joint yard sale to give us a shot at buying their bar stools, sofas, mix masters, disco balls, and custom ice-ball making chisels.
12. The Swire bigwigs behind The Sanlitun Village would prove their “community” spirit by hosting a BBQ this summer during which they would wear tank tops and flip flops, whip up kebabs, and kowtow to apologize for mess that the project’s delay caused for the neighborhood.
13. Q Bar would reduce the price of at least its classic and lychee martinis to the pre-Olympic price of RMB50 - let’s include the Alfonso Special, too.
14. Maison Boulod would drop the 5 percent service charge in the bar. A drink is RMB68, the charge is RMB3.4, and the bill is RMB71.4. Can’t we just round things off to RMB70 or RMB 75? And if that extra 5 percent is going to the staff, then simply give them a cut of revenue. This applies to other places with a mandatory service charge.
15. Any European bar owner, manager, bartender, waiter, toilet attendant, or other employee would be allowed to make fun of Budweiser only after they pass a blind taste test in which they pick Heineken and Carlsberg ahead of the American brew.
16. The Press Club Bar in the St. Regis would hold a Bloody Mary world tour. Each hotel branch has a signature Bloody Mary and I suggest a tasting of six of these drinks paired with appetizers. The preferred first stop? Rome, where the drink includes vodka, Bloody Mary mix, hot pepper powder, basil leaves, oregano, and extra virgin olive oil, with celery garnish.
True, none of these suggestions will likely result in action, but one can always – and especially at the start of a new year – hope.
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lovin’ the Bloody Mary world tour idea!! Maybe we should start a petition – or have your mom over for another visit, she seems to be able to get things done!
Jim,
Personally, I like watching the ice balls being hand-chipped. It’s pure theatre. It can be mesmerizing to watch the pick, wondering if the bartender is going to accidentally shiv themselves. Last time I was in Glen I asked why they don’t use ice molds, and they said that their Japanese customers prefer the hand-made ones, and that balls from a mold tend to have more impurities. Go figure.
In any case, such a thing as an ice ball mold does exist: http://www.cscoutjapan.com/en/index.php/perfect-ice-for-perfect-drinks-from-taisin/
Point #15: I will take that challenge. Set it up, Jim!
Joseph – 12sqm
Quoting “ex” is a blight on civilization. In advanced countries, like say Australia, if a price is written next to anything, it’s an _all up_ price. Something listed at 20 [currency unit of your choice] will be 20 when you pay the bill. Service is always included. Tipping is not required.
In developing countries, like say China and the USA, this is not the case. Something listed as $20 in the US is inevitably “$20 plus tax plus some percentage larger than fifteen” when you front the counter. Idiotic. Likewise in China, a drink or dish listed at a certain price will be “price plus half a dozen hidden bill add-ons like 2 kuai for the snail-spear you didn’t use in the utensils package and 5%-25% for the ‘service’”.
Rounding out this tale of “the way things are done around here” is the tragic fact that China now instinctively looks to the US when figuring out how to do things (like, say, airport security).
A plague on both their houses, I say.
aardvark,
i’m going to email the press club right now and see if they are into the idea. stay posted!
cheers, boyce
@ Beijing Gourmand,
i like it, too, for about two minutes. a half an hour of steady tapping gets on my nerves, but to each his or her own. i guess i can always wear noise-reduction earphones and look like a dweeb.
cheers, jim
@ joseph,
You are not European, mate! We shall have to subsidize some Foster’s…
cheers, boyce
@ shannon,
airport security? if my experience over the holidays is any indication canada is looking to set the standard. i was patted down then had to remove my shoes and belt to have them go through the x-ray machine while i got more patting, a hand tucked into my neck collar and into my waist band, then a move to a chair so i could raise my legs in the air and have my socks wanded, and, finally, i had to give the guy a 10 percent tip (kidding).
cheers, jim
I’ll join Joseph in potentially making a fool of myself in that proposed blind taste test… although I’m also not European so ineligible, apparently!
Can I gain eligibility by making it harder for myself?
Here’s how: blindfolded, I’m sure I could tell you which was the Budweiser, Heineken, Carlsberg by simply lifting each poured glass to my nose in turn. To me, Bud smells of straw, Heini (slightly) of skunkene, and the Carl like unlit matches.
I’d be interested in the reults of that blind beer tasting. Since most of the localy bottled brews are in the similar styles, I wonder if any of those mentioned taste similar, and are in fact the same beer, with different packaging. Sceptical? This is China.
@ Shannon,
We may have to include a glass of Yanjing in which unlit matches have been steeped just to make this interesting.
@ Garry,
Hey, why are the only people interested in this Aussies? Are you guys looking for an alternative to Foster’s?
Cheers, Boyce
@ Boyce,
No true Australian drinks Fosters.
In real Australian beer breweries — like all breweries — there’s a fair bit of spillage. All the beer that ends up sloshing around on the floor is drained into a big tank, and then the “Fosters” truck that comes around once a week (or so) drains that tank, drives to the bottler (or cannery), the “beer” gets cased up, stamped “Export Only!” and sent overseas.
I kid. Kinda.
True mass-market Australian beers (Tooheys, XXXX, VB, Coopers, Reschs, Cascade, Swan, etc. etc.) mostly follow state lines. Fosters has _extremely_ limited availability in Australia — mostly places where foreigners gather — it’s almost exclusively export.
You can mock the _amount_ of beer drunk by Australians, but not really its quality or variety (except to say that its mostly lager). Sure, a handful of beer conglomerates _own_ everything, but that’s true everywhere.
Budweiser on the other hand… honestly, what’s to like?
@ Shannon,
The Foster’s truck only comes once a week? So, Foster’s is aged — perhaps the marketing team should use the old “XO” strategy.
Re: what’s to like about Budweiser? The bottles shine like big brown diamonds, which is good for keeping one amused / distracting enemies.
Cheers, Boyce
i just did a blind tasting of canned budweiser, heineken and carlsberg, poured into identical glasses. i could pick out the budweiser every time, even blindfolded (the color of budweiser is much lighter). heineken and carlsberg are harder to tell apart because they are both all-malt beers and use noticeably more hops, while bud uses rice as an adjunct. the green glass bottles of heineken and carlsberg would introduce the variable of UV light exposure – especially common here in china, where they sometimes store them under direct sunlight. UV light causes “skunking” in a green bottle in less than 15 minutes of sun exposure. brown glass takes about 30-40 minutes. cans do not have this problem. however, my (subjective and limited) experience is that the bottled version of budweiser tends not to be AS thin and lacking in flavor as the canned version. budweiser on draft tends to swing either way – sometimes i recall watered down samples, and sometimes i get a glass that’s almost reminiscent of a genuine german pilsener.
See, this is the kind research that makes a difference in the world. Good work, xy!
If I have a choice of bottled Budweiser, Carlsberg, and Heinekin, I go for Budweiser because of the very reason you specify – brown bottled beer less likely to be skunky. And I think it is more flavorful – the lesser of three evils.
Cheers, Boyce
hehe, well for the cans, the heineken and carlsberg were definitely the more flavorful ones. i’m thinking that if we got bottled versions fresh out of the cardboard case, the situation would be similar, even if the bottled version of budweiser isn’t as bad as the canned version.
then again, it’s all subjective i suppose. having had decently fresh, genuine german and european pilsners, that what i use as my reference point for pale lagers. at least heineken and carlsberg come closer to the originals than american bud will ever do, in my mind.
“If I have a choice of bottled Budweiser, Carlsberg, and Heinekin, I go for Budweiser….)
If I was faced with the same choice, I would drink tea. Or water, or nothing.
Yes, I admit it, I am Australian too. And just came back from two weeks of sampling beers like White Stag and Pure Blonde and Blue Tongue. After 2 weeks of beer heaven, why on earth would I go anywhere near those three.
By the way, not a drop of Fosters passed these lips in the entire time.