Beijing Boyce

Last year, I started a series called If Beijing Bar Owners Gave a Crap What I Thought or, much terser, The Give a Crap Report (see first installment). Here is the second round:

9. Tun would complete its Beijing bar feel – which includes the Great Wall DJ booth, cheap drinks, and unpretentious crowd – by setting up a yangrou chuan stand outside.

10. Whiskey bars such as Glen and Er would spend a few bucks on ice ball molds rather than have the bartenders endlessly chip rough hunks of the frozen stuff into spheres as I’m enjoying my single malt. If I wanted to hear that, I’d buy a pet woodpecker.

11. All of the bars, clubs, and restaurants going out of business would hold a joint yard sale to give us a shot at buying their bar stools, sofas, mix masters, disco balls, and custom ice-ball making chisels.

12. The Swire bigwigs behind The Sanlitun Village would prove their “community” spirit by hosting a BBQ this summer during which they would wear tank tops and flip flops, whip up kebabs, and kowtow to apologize for mess that the project’s delay caused for the neighborhood.

13. Q Bar would reduce the price of at least its classic and lychee martinis to the pre-Olympic price of RMB50 - let’s include the Alfonso Special, too.

14. Maison Boulod would drop the 5 percent service charge in the bar. A drink is RMB68, the charge is RMB3.4, and the bill is RMB71.4. Can’t we just round things off to RMB70 or RMB 75? And if that extra 5 percent is going to the staff, then simply give them a cut of revenue. This applies to other places with a mandatory service charge.

15. Any European bar owner, manager, bartender, waiter, toilet attendant, or other employee would be allowed to make fun of Budweiser only after they pass a blind taste test in which they pick Heineken and Carlsberg ahead of the American brew.

16. The Press Club Bar in the St. Regis would hold a Bloody Mary world tour. Each hotel branch has a signature Bloody Mary and I suggest a tasting of six of these drinks paired with appetizers. The preferred first stop? Rome, where the drink includes vodka, Bloody Mary mix, hot pepper powder, basil leaves, oregano, and extra virgin olive oil, with celery garnish.

True, none of these suggestions will likely result in action, but one can always – and especially at the start of a new year – hope.

Lucky Bar Street sports joint Sangria will soon reopen as… The Stumble Inn. Former Paddy O’Shea’s manager Glenn Phelan is consulting on the project and says patrons can expect a blend of a sports bar and a place to simply hang out with your mates, with opium den-style beds as well as TVs, dart boards, and pool and foosball tables. The opening is slated for January 16.

Look for The Stumble Inn to attract the White Rabbit crowd for pre-boogie drinks. And a shout out to another venue on that strip, Nashville, which continues to draw crowds and offers a very nice single malt collection.