Beijing Boyce

In Last Wednesday blues, part 1, I covered adventures at Sequoia Cafe, LG Towers, Kenny Rogers Roasters and McDonald’s. Now it’s time to go out on the town, visit Block 8, Suzie Wong and China Doll, and get fashion advice from Special K.

Block 8
I pick up Special K on the way to Blanes “ten most influential Beijing people“ party, which is linked to Spencer Grey (Alfa, Muse, etc). Hang on: hasn’t this party already happened a dozen times this year? Anyway, I can tell by the look of Special’s K shirt that he doesn’t own an iron. On the positive side, if he gets in a fight or falls asleep on a park bench, it can’t get any more wrinkled.

We catch the last half of the awards - the winners include Alan Wong (of Block 8, no less) as bar creator, Jackson Ren (of Aria) as bartender and Bai Cai as DJ. It seems very “group hug” to me.

Afterwards, we go to a VIP area in I-Ultra Lounge (in Block 8) to drink free Champagne and vodka with about 40 other people. Some observations:
- There is a nice group of locals beside me and we toast each other and relax. Unfortunately…
- Some guy drinks two Champagne flutes of vodka in about 15 minutes, breaks the glass, and two minutes later breaks another one, leaving a mess.
- At the next table, an extremely drunk guy, face red as a lobster, repeatedly (endlessly?) shouts slogans and encourages everyone nearby to repeat them, even though there is ZERO interest in this.
- Another guy takes me aside and asks several times, “Where do you see Beijing Boyce in three years?” In such cases, I try to provide a polite answer, such as “helping orphans and whatnot”, but my overriding thought is “anywhere but this place.”
- Half of the women in our area are taking advantage of the photographers on hand to pose for vanity shots.
- And I think I spot Special K drink his fifteenth glass of Champagne - you gotta keep an eye on this guy.
- Anyway, after the free Champers dries up, most people quickly disappear, including the glass dropper and the yeller. Special K, a patron I’ll refer to as JS, and I order - that is, pay for – two more bottles. Alan Wong, don’t say we don’t care!

It is past midnight, time for bed, and we do the only thing possible when Special K is past a half-dozen drinks: onward ho!

The World of Suzie Wong
This is my first visit to ladies night and the place is moderately full. We order three Gin Tonics and the pours are weak. Before the bartender adds the mix, we note the weakness of the drinks, he denies it, and I want to get a shot glass and strain the alcohol from the ice to prove our case. JG says he has guanxi and will talk to the manager. He comes back five minutes later and says in exasperation, “I can’t believe it!” It appears his guanxi is gone.

Meanwhile, Special K learns it’s best to wear a protective cup on ladies night, as some of the drunker attendees like to check out your assets before asking your name. We quickly finish what Suzie Wong calls a Gin Tonic and head to

China Doll
If you rank my current desire to go to China Doll between one and ten, with one being “I’d rather tattoo an image of a dragon fruit on my forehead with a rusty fork prong” and ten being “I’d rather hang out with that slogan-yelling guy from Block 8,” it was somewhere in the middle.

China Doll turns out to be okay. The drinks are good, the bartenders are proficient. The place is lightly filled, with a handful of people around the bar and several full tables in those canopied lounge areas.

I see an editor from a local magazine. He apparently didn’t like an email exchange we had earlier today and he calls me, in colloquial terms, an anus. He is really drunk and I guess some might think he has a point. I ask the staff to change his diaper, give him a fresh bottle (with a touch of Bailey’s) and rock him to sleep.

Then, I search for Special K. I spot the wrinkled shirt. He has made friends with Czech students and once again shown his tolerance for the peoples, and especially the women, of the world. I check the time and decide to head home - right after this drink - so I can get a few hours sleep before those jackhammers start.

Attention hockey fans,

Word has it that Cafe St. Laurent’s Hockey Morning in Beijing (see here) is AGAIN postponed a week and will thus start on December 16, rather than December 9, rather than December 2. I don’t know if the coffee maker is on strike or what, but watch this space for an update. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait form my bottomless Tim Horton’s coffee.

Note: I’ll have part 2 of “Last Wednesday Blues” later this afternoon.

Sofitel Hotel’s Vous lobby lounge is defined by 1) its space, which includes over a thousand square meters of floor area topped by eight-meter ceilings, and 2) its decor, which makes for a kind of Alice in Wonderland for the drinking set.

Ceiling-to-floor purple drapes affixed with massive Chinese-style hairpins, light fixtures that span three centuries of style, seats of calfskin, velour and, uh, Holstein patterns (!) and in every shape imaginable, massive swaths of art - there’s much to gaze at and that’s before including the shiny stuff (chandeliers, wall ornaments and the like). The Cellar Rat rested in a plush chair with a back so high his head looked like a pea in a half-opened pod. Only a man of his stature can carry that off with dignity.

As for the drinks, that’s where the fantasy ends. The menu lists seven beers, with Budweiser being near the top end. The house Champagne is Moet Chandon at RMB710, while cocktails are priced around 70 kuai. I found my Mai Tai a bit weak. On the other hand, our waitress was extremely polite and brought a sense of humor to the job.

If Loong bar is a perfect set for a Jackie Chan flick, then this one is better for something more Kafka-esque. Perhaps the lead character - say Scarlett Johansson - is staying in the hotel during a time of personal duress and the staff decides to test her sanity by rearranging the chairs every day. She becomes increasingly discombobulated and, in a climatic dream sequence, blows her brains out on a white velour high-backed chair, only to wake up covered in a strawberry Margarita. The service fee is outrageous.

Okay, let me work on this plot a bit more…