Beijing Boyce

Ladies and gentlemen, start your zambonis.

As noted over a month ago, our fair city will soon feature a weekly Hockey Morning in Beijing (see Hockey Night in Canada for the inspiration behind the name).

The puck drops on December 2 at Alfa / Café St. Laurent.

Oyster omelets, bottomless Tim Hortons coffee, Bloody Caesars  - Canuck Chef Billy K is lining up a Great White North menu. Hockey Morning in Beijing - Sundays, from 8 AM to noon, meaning you can catch both games. Let’s hope Alfa cues up Stompin’ Tom (the must-see video is here):

Hello out there, we’re on the air, it’s hockey night tonight．
Tension grows, the whistle blows and the puck goes down the ice.
The goalie jumps and the players bump and the fans all go insane.
Someone roars, “Bobby scores!”, at the good ole hockey game.

Fifty Mission Cap by The Tragically Hip would be good, too.

In the meantime, keep your stick on the ice.

After our recent Go North Campaign, The Cellar Rat and I stayed closer to home. I decided to give an award to each place. (Note: This is part two of two. See part 1 here.)

Hard Rock Café: the place a lone male is most likely to feel as though he were a stray wildebeest trailed by a pack of hungry hyenas
I’d heard good things about the burger and band at Hard Rock Cafe, but perhaps post-10 PM on a Sunday night is not the best time to check these out. Let me set the stage: there were four male customers (including us) and 25 women, seemingly not customers, aggressively pursuing them.

These women were totally relentless. Uttering “I am not interested”, “I am a eunuch” and “We’re not the right star signs” had zero effect. I’ve nothing against someone plying their trade but when it is obvious said service is unwanted and the service providers not only continue unabated, but also the staff of the bar, which charges 60 kuai per pint, does nothing to alleviate the situation, then it’s time to go.

Note 1: Those so inclined can buy their Hard Rock Café merchandise near the door, thus being able to sidestep the scene inside.

Note 2: This place is cavernous and worth a look, although if you are innocently gazing about, you might quickly find some unwanted arms around your waist. Remain vigilant!

Passion: the highest ratio of entry fee per bottle of Chill
This is the old Hed Kandi space. It’s plush, mod and you can chat up a woman who could pass as, and might possibly be during the day, a model. That is, if you are willing to part with 300 kuai for the honor. The 100-kuai entry fee entitles you to a soft drink or a bottle of Chill that you can enjoy while watching high rollers play dice games and chat with said models while being mesmerized by the lights. The door staff eyed me with one of those “this isn’t really your place” looks - I think it might have been my fake wool jacket (I don’t mean the jacket was a fake, I mean it wasn’t real wool, so save your emails IPR fanatics).

Check this one off the list and move on.

The Den: best menu item to make sure your heart keeps up to your liver in the “which one will give out first” sweepstakes
How many places have stuck it out in Beijing as long as The Den? Not many. The service is good, the food is ideal for satiating late-night hunger, and the place is grungy enough that no one cares about the ketchup stain you got on your shirt from that Hard Rock Café burger (if you have one, that is). The Den, if anything, is dependable.

The Cellar Rat and I ordered the mixed platter, which includes a half-dozen deep-fried items – mushrooms et al – and is tasty with a couple of beers. We skipped the Chill and then ate our weight in calories and went home.