Beijing Boyce

I just found out I’m a contender in the 2007 Blog Awards on Chinalyst. I also found out I’m kind of far behind, as in it’s midnight and I’m four Bourbons behind Eddie O behind, as in I aimed to lose three kilos of beer belly this summer and I’m FIVE kilos behind, as in… well, you get the idea.

Thus, what more worthwhile way to spend a few moments of your work time than by going here, and clicking the “+” sign until it turns green?

It won’t cost you a kuai.

That’s the good news.

The bad news is that if you don’t do it, and forward this post to ten friends and ask them to do it, you’re doomed to a lifetime of bad luck followed by an eternity in that hell where you eat nothing but cardboard-stuffed steamed buns and drink fake booze distilled from window cleaner, while the sound of a thousand expectorating strollers surrounds you 24/7.

No pressure, it’s your choice.

(As Al Capone said, and as Eddie O is fond of repeating, “vote early and vote often.”)

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Yours truly has lived in Asia for a dozen years and eaten foods he never imagined, but dirty cardboard masquerading as tofu inside steamed buns - that gets me, er, steamed.

Isn’t it enough that a night on the town can mean washing down fake yangrou chuan’r with fake booze, then rehydrating with fake water?

Can’t the criminals leave our buns alone? Seriously, if we are what we eat (and drink), I guess we’re a bunch of poseurs.

And yes, before someone advises me to stop crying over my spilled (fake) milk, fakes are not limited to China.

(By the way, how long before these  are being served up in restaurants? Maybe it’s time to get back to the land.)

M-Dawg witnessed two major brawls on Saturday night in what he calls ”the Sanlitun cesspool.” One was a five-on-five scrap spilling out of Poachers, the other a “three-way, multinational catfight in front of Shooters that left tufts of hair on the ground in its wake.” (Those video cameras in Sanlitun sure are acting as a deterrent…)

The excitement didn’t end there, as Sanlitun hosted a contest featuring domestic and international entrants in which one lucky lady was crowned “best pole dancer” — her family must be proud (thanks to The Crow for the link).

If only the drug dealers, absent for some two months, were around to see it. (Maybe those video cameras are working).

In any case, yours truly spent the evening elsewhere - at Cafe Europa and Pepper (write-up coming), where the only danger was the staff making flaming drinks (the human blowtorch thing is just plain dumb). I only made it to China Doll late, though in time to witness a pair of desperate guys on each of the main bar’s corners ogling the ladies. That’s right, fellows, set an example for those fighters in Poachers - make love, not war…

(By the way, despite the attractiveness of Sanlitun - yes, that’s sarcasm - expect more reports on the city’s wine scene as I get my www.grapewallofchina.com site going.)

Expect a flood of blogs and books about Beijing in the next six months, including many covering the food and beverage scene. If the emails I get from writers - who ask about everything from what I consider Beijing’s ten best bars (okay) to “borrowing” material from this site (not okay) - are an indication, then a half-dozen or more such guides are in the works. Timeout has one out, and National Geographic and that’s Beijing have them in the queue. Zagat is also eyeing the market.

As for blogs, expect a few focused on wine, including by Edward Ragg and Fongyee Walker, who have brought a wealth of wine knowledge since relocating to Beijing less than a year ago - Edward has notes on 3,000 wines alone. Word has it that several of the local English-language magazines will also add blogs to their sites.

Café Europa is doing all-you-can-eat BBQ every Saturday from about 6 PM onward (160 kuai per person). This two-floor spot in Jianwai Soho (Building 11) has a deck at the side and sublime it was on the weekend as I enjoyed a bottle of Wallace Shiraz and other wines with Sir Campbell Thompson and friends (the visit was long overdue, my first since the one-year anniversary party).

Café Europa offers a modest but interesting wine list - with about a dozen available by the glass - and you couldn’t ask for friendlier owners than Joseph and Li.