Beijing Boyce

My biweekly newsletter is feeling like a quarterly given that I’ve only squeezed out one in the past three months. Apologies all around - I haven’t moved abroad, been bumped off by a disgruntled bar owner, or decided to lead a more liver-friendly life. It’s just that I’ve been really, really, really busy. Boring excuse I know, but here’s a short list of what is taking my time.

- Expansion: Like the US trade deficit with China, the price of pork, and the attractiveness of an international ban on baijiou-based cocktails, so, too, does my department grow. That means new staff to acclimatize, show where we keep all caffeine-laced beverages and on occasion be useful to. This all takes time, time, time.

- House guests: I’ve had them for pretty much the past month - that means providing clean sheets, fresh towels, ample snacks, and keys… you gotta make extra keys (Stuck for a vendor? Try the basement of Pacific Century). Plus, there’s the time spent showing them the major city sights… Rickshaw, Pavillion, Pass By Bar…

- House plants: I bought them to impress the house guests, but do you know how long it takes to water more than a dozen!? Especially when some qualify as trees!? Perhaps it would be easier if I used something bigger than a wine glass, speaking of which…

- Wine glasses: It seemed like a good idea at the time to buy 72, as they’re a fantastic deal. Since it takes me five minutes on average to clean and polish each one, I can do the whole lot in a mere six hours. Yay!

- More projects: The past six months have been the busiest work-wise of my life, but have brought benefits - I’ve never felt closer to our office coffee maker or the guys who clean the carpets at night. In fact, if the company installed a humidor and a wine fridge, I’d bring a blanket and sleep there.

 - Frank Siegel: Known best for opening one of the first non-hotel bars in Beijing (way back in 1990), he now runs Friday night wine tastings at Sequoia Cafe, which - because they feature an interesting crowd, good wines and decent food - I’m compelled to attend nearly each and every week. Someone stop this man! He’s evil! (Isn’t the fact he hails from Pittsburgh proof enough?)

- The NBA: Ever since the suspension of Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire seriously dented Phoenix’s chances to win the conference semi-finals and thus put San Antonio into a position to be labelled a dynasty, I’ve been wracking my brains and had trouble sleeping. I haven’t yet started losing weight over this yet, but I’m darn tired.

- Baby pictures: In this digital age, M-Dawg has a million of his first child. When he’s not showing pictures, he’s mimicking her, which is highly entertaining (except when we have to change his diaper or he requests his gin and tonic in a “sippy cup”).

- Bottoms: Did you ever nearly go crazy trying to remember the name of a song, or a book, or whether you had been kissing your girlfriend or her mother during a drunken stupor the night before? Neither have I, but some things do keep me tossing and turning. If it’s not the unfair treatment of the Phoenix Suns, it’s trying to figure out how the Beijing Olympics organizers define ‘neat bottoms’.