Beijing Boyce

Pipes Cafe was a ten-minute experience for M-Dawg and yours truly, but seeing how this Gongti South spot has dropped the “s” to become the singular Pipe, put up a new sign (a.k.a. a tribute to Coors Light) and seen some redesign, I dropped in and took a look. Plus, I was intrigued by this Valentine’s Day ad on thatsbj.com:

Hate Valentine’s Day? SO DO WE.

Our mantra this Valentine’s is W.W.J.J.D. - What would Joan Jett do?

Come down to Pipe on Wednesday the 14th for a Valentine’s evening without the slightest hint of mush. All the anti-love rock and eye-rolling you can handle. Bearers of poetry, candy or pitying looks will be shamed out of the bar.

Beer ‘n’ a shot specials for 20Y all night.

Starts at 8:30. And remember kids: no kissy kissy.

Pipe: 100 meters east of Worker’s Stadium South Gate (Blue Zoo), north side of the road.

Here a few notes from my half-hour visit:

• Main decor themes include rough-hewn wood beams, high flat black ceilings and big bomb-shaped papier mache lanterns. Plus, concrete. Airy, earthy, grungy, the kind of place that might pass as swanky - in a Mad Max movie.
• Seating is ample. There is seating at the bar, seating in low leather chairs, seating in bigger plush ones, seating at tables, and seating at some weird circular concrete lounge unit padded in red cushions and centered by a table that looks as though it’s decorated in bathroom tiles. Seating aplenty.
• Beer prices range from Qingdao at 10 kuai to Coors Light at 15 kuai to Coors, Heineken and Corona at 20 kuai. A shot such as a Tootsie Roll (Kahlua and orange juice) will set you back 15 kuai, while a Beijing Pipe Bomb (draft beer with baijiu or Whiskey) is 25 kuai.
• Food options include peanuts, corn chips, popcorn and a bucket ‘o nuts (which would be a LOT of peanuts). 

Pipe is perfect for an anti-Valentine’s Day event. The cheap drinks, limited menu, and grungy atmosphere and music offer no kindling for the fires of romance. The indifferent staff keeps affection, let alone any emotion (save for a slight wariness) from budding.

For those who can’t handle the mush tomorrow night, leave your significant other at home, gather up your 10-kuai notes, print out the lyrics to “I Hate Myself for Loving You” and head to Pipe.