Beijing Boyce

Having just returned to Beijing after a two-week break, I was nestled all snug at The Bookworm on January 2 when a fellow patron showed the seasonal spirit by sharing her long, loud and inane phone call with everyone. Some fumed as the conversation neared the 30-minute mark, but the 2007 model of Beijing Boyce believes that if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, or at least martini twists (let’s see how long this attitude lasts). Thus, I typed in some of her ripostes and added a few of my own as part of a game. To play, read these 15 responses and guess which 10 she made and which five I created:
 

1) Are you having a good time?
2) I thought that finished last night.
3) Santa put a permanent tattoo on my forehead. It says, “Insert brain here.”
4) That makes no sense. Actually, when I think about it - hey, *that* still makes no sense!
5) Thank *you* for calling *me*.
6) My horoscope said that being loud and boring will make my ass smaller, but it’s not working.
7) Oh my gawd! I didn’t know that!
8) I’m living proof that first cousins can successfully breed.
9) Knowing my luck, I’d pass out.
10) She didn’t go out on New Year’s Eve? Wow!
11) I can’t believe she went to bed early!
12) My New Year’s resolution is to annoy people so much that they leave The Bookworm. Wait, mission accomplished!
13) I’ll stand on a table and yell it.
14) He’s like, “It’s three o’clock and I can’t sleep,” and I’m like, “That’s nice sweetie,” then he’s like…
15) The relationship got to a point where I told him to make a choice: it’s either the gerbil or me.

Possibly in the spirit of Santa streaking across the sky, a Chinese wine company offered nearly 300 people 10,000 kuai in cash and prizes to race naked in Zhengzhou on Christmas Eve, states this Reuters article. Police dashed the plan by Jixiang Ruyi Tobacco and Alcohol Company, which said it aimed to raise awareness of the excessive packaging used for baijiu. “The company’s advertisement called for ‘auspicious’ men and women under the age of 30 with ‘healthy bodies’ and ‘regular features’ to apply,” states Reuters.