Beijing Boyce

I number among those poor souls without home Internet access. Getting online thus means packing the laptop, bundling up and heading *out there*. Here are three recent wireless experiences, followed by some favorite spots for surfing the Web. 

Vineyard Cafe
Given the coverage the free English-language magazines have heaped on this place, particularly for its “full English breakfast,” I recently popped in. The breakfast is indeed hearty, with egg, sausages, bacon (soft, not crispy), beans, mushrooms, tomato, two slices of toast, and choice of coffee or juice, though with a price tag of 65 kuai, another egg and bottomless java would be nice.

Vineyard Cafe is unpretentious and cozy, keeps the music at a reasonable volume, offers a good selection of cocktails, beer and wine, and had a strong wireless signal during my three-hour visit. The wildcard is the location. Some might get annoyed searching for a spot hidden in a hutong on a side street near Lama Temple. Others might see it as nicely secluded and rustic.

In any case, I experienced two cafes. The first was at brunch: crowded, comfortably noisy and saturated with a good vibe. The second was in late afternoon, when the human warmth (literally) was gone: the few customers shivered as the front door continually swung open and faced headaches as the back door slammed every 30 seconds or so. Management seems receptive, so odds are it will get a handle on this. A map to the cafe is available at www.vineyardcafe.cn, one of the town’s better bar blogs.

The Stone Boat
After a quick cocktail at The Press Club a few weeks back, I headed down the street, into Ritan Park and to The Stone Boat, where many a winter eve I spent two years ago as a newcomer to Beijing. I wanted to check it out after seeing an ad in that’s Beijing titled “Stone Boat Winter Myths.”

“Myth: Too cold. Reality: New heaters.” The Stone Boat was, indeed, much warmer than in previous winters, and a small foyer at the front provides two sets of sliding doors to keep in the heat, although a slight draft persists.

“Myth: No food. Reality: Homemade dumplings, soup, gluwein, etc.” True again. The vegetarian dumplings were maeyo, so I tried the beef ones (25 kuai per plate) and Boat Beef Noodles (25 kuai), both of which were fine.

“Myth: Dead. Reality: Parties. Stay tuned.” I was the only patron, but it was a Tuesday night and I was grateful this myth had yet to become reality.

Here are two more realities. Reality: I couldn’t get online. There was a signal, my computer apparently connected to it, and for an hour, I futilely tried to access Web sites while the staff smacked the wireless box, but no luck. Reality: entertainment is free. One employee repeatedly held a deck of cards above her head and let it drop onto a table, with a resounding crack, in attempts to get it to stand upright. Unfortunately, it got tiresome after the twentieth drop. In any case, I’m chalking up these last two realities to a bad night, as I’ve often found tranquility (and wireless) at Stone Boat.

Le Petit Gourmand
Longtime readers might remember my last story about this Sanlitun North spot included a bug falling out of a Parmesan shaker and onto my (up to then vegetarian) pizza. I’ve returned sporadically for coffee, but decided to give the food another shot after hearing the place has a new chef.

In my mind, any place positioned along the lines of The Bookworm, as is Le Petit Gourmand (LPG), should have wireless. Unfortunately, the only access I could get was via a weak intermittent signal from Bar Blu, one floor up. As I waited for my food, I mentioned this to Waitress One (W1), who motioned to an empty table 10 feet away. Hmmm. Perhaps she hadn’t understood, so I pointed to my computer screen and warped my face into a look of frustration. She nodded and zipped off, only to pass my table five or six times during the next 10 minutes, obviously having forgotten our conversation. No worries, I thought, I’ll go to the counter and ask Waitress Two (W2). I did, explaining verbally and in sign language, while she stared blankly at me. Perhaps she was considering my quandary, thought I. I thought wrong. W1 approached and asked W2 for two coffees, ending my brief relationship with W2 as she turned her attention elsewhere. I returned to my table and, seeing that W3 and W4 appeared as helpful as W1 or W2, decided to take action. As W1 passed, I caught her attention:

“Excuse me. I want to cancel my order.”
She looked confused.
“My order.”
“Water?”
“No, I want to cancel my order.”
“No water?”

She left and a few seconds later brought my club sandwich and soup (both passable). I made a few more attempts at getting a wireless signal, but it simply was not to be, which was too bad, because LPG has an okay drink, food and book selection and I would have stuck around all afternoon.

Here are some good spots for wireless, all of them in the Gongti area (I’m a homer when it comes to surfing the Web).

The Bookworm: The signal is generally good, but finding a seat can be tough, the music is sometimes too loud, and weird foreigners are attracted to the place like drunken moths to a Flaming Lamborghini. I tend to head there when I want to run into someone I know, crave potato gnocchi, feel like browsing books, or need to be near people who make me feel normal (“Did that guy just *snort* his sugar!?”).

Browns: While known for late-night shenanigans, this place is good for Web surfing. A strong signal, high ceilings, comfortable seats, and decent food and beer choices make it my default choice when The Bookworm is crowded. (Except tonight, as I write this newsletter, when the wireless is “broken” and a medical company is holding its year-end party - the emcee just yelled “wei” 20 times into the microphone as a test.)

Beer Mania: Wireless plus Belgian beer on draft at happy hour prices equals online fun.

Q Bar: I often meet acquaintances for an after-work drink at the Q and can check my email and sip a Horse Neck while I wait for them.

Sequoia Cafe: This place serves good coffee and sandwiches, even if the chairs are hard on the behind.

(From Beijing Boyce XXVIII, first emailed on December 23, 2006.)

My spirits were high when Agent Red Wolf, O-Zone, Flash and I attended the November 24 Summergate wine tasting at China Lounge (150 kuai). Not only would we sample seven wines produced by the owner of Petrus, but also O-Zone and Flash import vino and would, one might think, have something useful to say. On top of this, Summergate provides tasting notes in a handy booklet that is perfect for geeks like me who arrive pen in hand.

We started with Jean Pierre Moueix (JPM) Bordeaux AOC 2003 (167 kuai), which seemed a bit sour and had a weak finish, and Christian Moueix Merlot 2003 (191 kuai), which was tastier, with strong cherry and slightly spicy aromas. The JPM Saint-Emilion AOC 2003 (299 kuai) and Pomerol AOC 2002 (395 kuai) were fine, although I didn’t find the bodies as full as indicated by the tasting notes, but the Chateau Grand Village 2001 (227 kuai) was musty and disappointing.

I enjoyed the last two wines. The JPM Chateau Plince 2001 (743 kuai) had plenty of acid, lots of ripe cherry flavors and good aftertaste. O-Zone described it as “round,” Agent Red Wolf loved it, and I thought it got better by the minute. The Chateau La Grave 2001 (827 kuai) had a consistent nose, with candy apple and fruit scents. I wrote “mouth joy” in my notes for some reason.

I was in agreement with O-Zone, who described the first four wines as “all nicely drinkable so far, but none of them have left an impression.” It may be that my amateur palate is not up to French wines, but I can’t see myself paying these prices for these wines. The same goes for the last two: while they were delicious, at about 100 dollars a bottle I’ll next be trying them when someone else foots the bill. Luckily, in this case, we tried all seven wines for 150 kuai, which was decent value, as evidenced by the crowded room.

What could be more appropriate after sampling French wine than loading up on Mexican food on Sanlitun North? First, Flash had to make a drop off at the nearby “diplomatic apartments.” We drove there and waited in the car while he went to the trunk, hauled out a box and gave it to a man who emerged from the apartments. Then he got back in the car.

Me: “What was in the box?”
Flash: [Smiles]
Me: “Come on, what’s in it?”
Flash: [Short pause] “Wine”
Me: “So why was that guy wearing a bathrobe?”

There followed a long pause. I find in moments such as these, whistling a TV theme song, such as that for Gilligan’s Island or The Smurfs, can do wonders. Given the nationalities of those in the car, Hogan’s Heroes seemed appropriate.

We headed for Saddle, which is across from Tongli Studio and enables us to order food from the new, nearby and affiliated Cox, and soon faced a table loaded with burritos, salads, cheese sticks, wings and the like. After the Summergate tasting, our palates were finely tuned, and we matched this feast with ice-cold Qingdao. As for the food, I found that the wings were a rocky marriage of sauce and meat, while the burritos were outstanding, with a hearty nose and hints of Tabasco.

We then waddled down to Shooters, where I treated Flash and O-Zone to Pink Panties (Vodka, Peach Schnapps and something I can’t recall). The experience was so compelling that we had not left and gone 100 meters from the place when both of them had second thoughts and we returned for a few more shots, including one bearing an unprintable name.

We finished the evening by visiting Opener? (see review in issue XXVII), which is in the less than inspiring Jianwai Soho complex and run by the former owner of First Cafe, where I first met O-Zone, Flash and Agent Red Wolf. The music, lighting and ambiance were subdued. With Budweiser in hand, it was a relaxing finish to an evening that spanned Petrus, Pink Panties and Bordeaux, and showed just how cosmopolitan is our fair city.

(From Beijing Boyce XXVIII, first emailed on December 23, 2006)

Good times all around on December 8 as that’s Beijing held its annual Xmas Charity Funk Throwdown. This year’s party, at Browns, raised more than 30,000 kuai from entry fees, individual donations and “Santa shot” sales to fund surgery for an orphan named Tian Tian, who suffers from spina bifada. It’s a major turnaround from last year, when the to-go-unnamed venue undermined the spirit of the event by letting most people in free and the fundraising thus totaled a mere 9,000 kuai. Other differences:

- In 2005, there were DJs. In 2006, Ah-Q played classic funk for two straight hours, Sambasia stirred up tribal feelings with some Brazilian drumming, and two DJs had people getting down until the wee hours.
- In 2005, there was one fur-trimmed miniskirt-wearing Santa’s elf as emcee. In 2006, there were three sexy Santa’s elves selling shooters (say those last five words five times fast).
- In 2005, many people sat or stood and chatted. In 2006, they grooved to the music and some popped onto the bar to dance.
- In 2005, I wore my nerdy Timberland outfit. In 2006, I wore my nerdy gold jacket, super-sized collar and funk-a-licious sunglasses.
- In 2005, no one stood beside me all night claiming he paddled a canoe to Somalia or Samoa or wherever. In 2006, someone did.
- In 2005, that’s Beijing’s nightlife head Ollie R was in the British navy, in a Xinjiang jail, in school or gainfully employed – pick your rumor. In 2006, he donned an afro wig and boogied on the bar with a Virginia Slims in one hand and a Jagermeister and Diet Coke in the other, repeatedly yelling, “This place should have been our editor’s pick as bar of the year!” (At least, I think it was he.)
- In 2005, many patrons argued their way out of paying the entry fee or got in free with the management’s permission. In 2006, only a *few* did. (Hey Scrooges, if you figure in the drinks that come with the ticket, you saved yourself a whopping 40 kuai.)
- In 2005, that’s Beijing’s GM Mike W was so bummed out post-party that he set his head down at Midnight Bar for ten minutes and required baijiu as “smelling salts” to be revived. In 2006, he capped the night by dancing on the bar top and going to The Den for breakfast and four-cheese pizza.

You get the point: the party this year was better than last. True, that’s Beijing could have done a better job handling the door (posting a sexy shot-selling elf there would have helped) and Browns needs to figure out that a Gin Tonic has 1.5 ounces of gin (not 0.5 ounces), but these are minor issues. It was an excellent night, and how could it not be, given that Agent Red Wolf (and almost Eddie O) boogied on the bar and for a good cause at that.

(From Beijing Boyce XXVIII, first emailed on December 23, 2006)