No Name Bar: Burning memories

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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NO NAME BAR / The new location is five minutes by foot from the original in Houhai and features a cornucopia of colors, styles and seating. Stone floors, cacti, bamboo, mirrors adorned with glass pebbles, a fireplace set in a stone wall, a skylight, plenty of benches and sofas… it’s all there. The laid-back atmosphere has carried over from the previous haunt, though the latter offered better people-watching. (Note: I had the spiciest dish of my China life here and that’s saying something since I’m a big Szechuan food fan. The culprit was a mushroom dish laced with peppers so hot that I would have gladly shaved the top layer of skin off my tongue. Ten minutes of sheer agony that no amount of liquid could wash away, that no amount of dabbing with napkins could ease.)

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Touch (and go)

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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K-Harp and Stellar-G give a thumbs-up to this place at the back end of

Lotus Lane

. It is indeed a relaxing spot, with a deck up top and a pond indoors. One suggestion: upgrade the pond’s “fountain” from a cheap pipe emitting a heavy vertical stream to something more, uh, aesthetic. But with reasonably priced beers, this is an okay Saturday afternoon stop, and it has close proximity to lots of other places.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Touch (and go)

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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K-Harp and Stellar-G give a thumbs-up to this place at the back end of

Lotus Lane

. It is indeed a relaxing spot, with a deck up top and a pond indoors. One suggestion: upgrade the pond’s “fountain” from a cheap pipe emitting a heavy vertical stream to something more, uh, aesthetic. But with reasonably priced beers, this is an okay Saturday afternoon stop, and it has close proximity to lots of other places.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Alfa

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Speaking of water, was it just me or were the pools in Alfa’s patio doing a fish market imitation last Friday night? Someone pass the nose plugs. Alfa drinks are usually pretty good, though this time around my Martini was a bit off and E-ko was unimpressed with the Caipirinha. I’m going to chalk the whole experience up to an off night. By the way, Alfa should get an award for Best Use of Mirrors to Make a Small Place Look Big.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Icehouse yuks it up

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Richard Robinson and friends deserve multiple hugs and handshakes for organizing the Chopschticks comedy series. I caught act two a few weeks ago at icehouse and Al Ducharme was hilarious. Just as impressive was the local blues band that played later. It took over from the recently departed Chicago crew and was way better than I expected (and with no cover charge). For cocktails, try the Long Islands; I also had a decent Martini in the adjacent lounge.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Icehouse yuks it up

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Richard Robinson and friends deserve multiple hugs and handshakes for organizing the Chopschticks comedy series. I caught act two a few weeks ago at icehouse and Al Ducharme was hilarious. Just as impressive was the local blues band that played later. It took over from the recently departed Chicago crew and was way better than I expected (and with no cover charge). For cocktails, try the Long Islands; I also had a decent Martini in the adjacent lounge.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

And the TBJ bar award winners are…

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Bar and club owners and employees were out in force at the Kunlun Hotel two weeks ago for the annual that’s Beijing awards. More than 30 establishments took home prizes in 20 categories that each included a winner and two or three honorable mentions (HMs). Centro (4 wins, 2 HMs), Suzie Wong (3 wins, 2 HMs) and Browns (2 wins, 4 HMs) led the way, followed by Bed (2 wins, 1 HM), Pavillion (three HMs) and Aria (3 HMs). Bar Blu and The Tree each won two categories. None of the winners seemed unduly unjustified, although I was surprised that Bar Blu won for best outdoor space, given that its deck has been halved since last year and there has been a recent (perhaps too recent) proliferation of excellent patios and rooftops. The place obviously has a loyal clientele, so good on them. The winners, with honorable mentions in parentheses:

Bar/Club of the Year: Browns (Centro, Suzie Wong’s)

After-Hours Club: Suzie Wong’s (Bed, Maggie’s)

Bar Snacks: The Tree (Souk, The Den)

Beer Selection: The Tree (Beer Mania, Browns)

Cocktails: Centro (Alfa, Q Bar)

Dance Club: Vics (Babyface, Coco Banana, Destination)

Decor: Bed (Redmoon, Suzie Wong’s)

Cheap Drinks: Nanjie (Black Sun Bar, Kai)

People Watching: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Maggie’s)

Happy Hour: Bar Blu (Browns, Centro)

Hotel Bar: Centro (Aria, Redmoon)

Live Music: Yugong Yishan (D-22, Icehouse)

New Bar: Browns (D-22, Frank’s Place)

Outdoor Terrace: Bar Blu (Pavillion, Stone Boat)

Business Networking: Centro (Aria, Pavillion, The Bookworm)

Place to Bring a Date: Bed (No Name Bar, Souk)

Place to Find a Date: Suzie Wong’s (Browns, Destination)

Sports Bar: Goose & Duck Pub (ClubFootball, Pavillion)

Student Hangout: Lush (Kai, Propaganda)

Wine Selection: Centro (Aria, CourtYard, The Cellar)

Afterwards, I ended up at Indian Kitchen for dinner (this place should get an HM for Best Dance Club given the number of people bopping about) and then popped into Q Bar to congratulate bartenders-owners George Zhou and Echo Sun, who were prominently displaying their HM for best cocktails (not bad for a month-old bar), and to meet Roger Dutton and Kevin McCartan of Frank’s Place, which received its own HM in the best new bar category. Congratulations to all of the winners and the honorable mentions.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

On Browns

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Speaking of which, Browns won as both best new bar and bar of the year, and deservedly so, since no other place has had more impact on the city’s scene in 2006. It offers good pub grub, an excellent beer selection, and a fun atmosphere; it attracts competing owners and employees as patrons; and it seems to polarize people into love-it or hate-it camps, thus making it hard to ignore. The place is a winner. So naturally, on the Saturday night following the awards, Browns held a singing contest. Yes, business as usual — that is, the things that got it the awards — came to a screeching stop while patrons watched the musically challenged climb atop the bar and massacre Every Breath You Take, Faith, Buttercup, and other songs. Admittedly, I complained a bit too vociferously about this situation (apologies all around), especially as the contest had been advertised for weeks (my bad for not reading the posters in the toilet), but it did seem like bad timing.

In any case, initiative is good and so is realizing when to cut one’s losses, and things were back to normal the next Saturday, which is to say that the music was so-so. I have largely praised Browns since it opened, and have received some grief from other bar owners who claim I favor the place, but one thing I have not applauded is the music, although it has improved a bit in recent months. It doesn’t seem like rocket science to observe that: 1) Browns draws arguably the most diverse crowd in town, ranging in age from 20 to 60 and including nearly every profession and nationality, and this group is most likely to respond to hit songs; 2) fewer people dance when the DJ plays an esoteric tune (which demonstrates his or her breadth of musical knowledge, though unfortunately to a crowd that largely doesn’t care) than when he or she dumbs things down and plays hit songs; 3) this place is a copy of the popular bar Carnegie’s in Taipei which, for better or worse, plays hit songs. I guess what I’m saying is: play more hit songs!

Perhaps I’m being oversensitive. After all, someone could say that a) Browns is full and thus b) people must love the music. But I think Browns is a success because it offers a package of food, drinks, fun and location, and that competitors looking for a piece of that success will try to exploit the weakest parts of that package. One of these, in my humble opinion, is the music. Another is the drinks, which are literally weak. (Last Saturday, for example, after having a few anemic cocktails, I went and watched one of the bartenders, and he was using far too little alcohol for the mixed drinks. Not a minute later, a patron three meters away had the same complaint, as did some others during the evening.) My point: weaknesses can catch up with a bar, thus having a packed place today is very different from having a packed place three months from now, and the latter requires listening to customers, constantly improving the package, and holding off current and potential competitors, whether by improving the music, reminding bartenders what constitutes a standard drink, or other measures. Fortunately for Browns, it is strongly positioned and thus has great influence over its destiny, but in the dog-eat-dog world of bars, eternal vigilance is not only a virtue, but a necessity. These comments aside, it has been an excellent 2006 for Browns and it very much deserved the award for bar of the year.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

The last of the first

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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A beautiful sunny and breezy Sunday, the rooftop garden at The Bookworm, a coffee on the way, my fingers tapping out this newsletter — it sounds as though all is well in the universe. Unfortunately, something sad unfolds before me. First Cafe, which instantly became my favorite bar after I arrived in Beijing and which is across the way from The Bookworm, is being destroyed. Dust rises and plaster falls at the bidding of sledgehammers; a few soldiers in the small army of destruction workers hacksaw through the roof’s metal skeleton; others cart away rubble. The building is increasingly emaciated, with the only distinguishing mark being the Romanesque trimming. First Cafe was my great escape when I was a newcomer struggling to adjust to living and working in Beijing, and a visit there meant meeting old friends, new friends and soon-to-be friends, including newsletter regulars Agent Red Wolf and M-Dawg. But nothing lasts forever claim sappy rock ballads and even sappier R&B songs, and that includes this bar, disappearing before my eyes, broken brick by broken brick. So, to all the First Cafe fans — and there are dozens on this mailing list — this coming weekend raise a glass and toast the end of one of our city’s most special watering holes.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

Beijing Boyce XXI: Closing Shots

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Happy 65th birthday to ASC Fine Wines co-founder Don St. Pierre Sr. (and a happy 100th to his liver!) / Congratulations to Browns boss Philip Cheung, who successfully proposed to his soon-to-be-wife on the bar-top during the final game of the World Cup. / There is a lot of talk about violence against patrons in Tongli Studios, home of Bar Blu, Top Club and Cheers, among other establishments. The incidents apparently involve the building’s security guards and are making northwest Sanlitun a less appealing party destination. / Far more tragic, a woman was stabbed to death at 2 AM on Tuesday night near the South Gate of Chaoyang Park. While Beijing is by and large safe, violence does happen, and it is best to err on the side of caution when out and about. / Next issue, I’ll review a handful of new places and look at the impact glass shape has on wine enjoyment. Until then, eat, drink and be merry (and safe). BB.

(From Beijing Boyce XXI, first emailed on July 27, 2006)

BBQ at the Q

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Q BAR has a month under its belt and is doing well, with bartenders / owners George Zhou and Echo Sun retaining a good portion of their loyal following. Along with fellow owner Ralph, they are fine-tuning the place — $2500 worth of trees were added to the deck — and continuing the drink experiments — a recent shooter featured Jim Beam, Southern Comfort, Amaretto, Grenadine and lime juice in a “glass” made of flavored ice (you eat the container after draining its contents!). Meanwhile, food whizzes Trevor and Kenn organized a July 4 barbecue on the deck, with 25-kuai hot dogs, vegetable kebabs, beef sandwiches and excellent hamburgers (Trevor uses meat from Schindler’s and adds spices). Fingers are crossed that the barbecue becomes a regular event.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

American Cafe: Where M-Dawg gets his Cobb

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Compelled by the constant praise M-Dawg heaps on the place, three meals had I at American Cafe. His favorite, the Cobb salad, was a heavy hitter, the lineup including cubed chicken, sliced boiled egg, tomato, lettuce, bacon, blue cheese and black olives, among other ingredients. The spicy chicken wings were lackluster, though, and the hamburger drier than I remembered from my last visit some six months ago. But a big thumb up for the breakfast croissant with cheese (non-processed) and sides of fried potatoes, bacon and scrambled eggs. All in all, this place serves up solid food in the 35- to 40-kuai range and uses fresher ingredients than most.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Memories of iffy experiences at Saddle, including the time a waitress leaned on the counter, loudly chewed gum (mouth open) and gawked as I ate dinner, are fading after two recent visits. On both occasions, I grabbed a chair out front, enjoyed the weather, and indulged in some tasty burritos (35 and 50 kuai for small and large respectively). With an efficient staff, the Saddle was a pleasant spot to knock back a few pitchers of frozen margaritas, watch Sanlitun characters mosey by, and build up energy for the next late-night spot. By the way, should they be needed, mosquito coils and repellent are available from the bar.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

Something about Sanlitun

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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When Sanlitun South was razed last year for redevelopment – incidentally, nary a single foundation has been laid on that plot of land where two-meter high weeds now stand guard – some thought the area drinking scene had taken a mortal blow. Instead, it turned out to be the one step backward that precedes the two steps forward in the creative destruction process, and Sanlitun has emerged stronger and more diverse than ever. True, that main northern strip features too many sub-par copycat bars and all of the associated promoters, beggars, fake CD sellers and lady bar touts that come with it. And there have been some disturbing reports of bouncer behavior. But there are also numerous bar and restaurant investors targeting new niche markets, offering more choice and raising service standards, particularly along the new south street and near Tongli Studio in the northwest. Whether it’s Browns, The Bookworm, Alameda, The Tree, Q Bar or others, Sanlitun offers some “best of the best” in the city. Here are ten highlights, from its far north to its deep south:

1. The Tree — Arguably the best pizza in town, nicely washed down with Belgian beer.

2. Cheers — A simple and unpretentious bar with an excellent happy hour (10-kuai Qingdao drafts before 10 PM) and live Xinjiang music.

3. Top Club / Bar Blu — Comfy rooftop decks up top and dance floors down below.

4. Le Petit Gourmand — Kick back, have a beer and read a few books.

5. Alameda — A Brazilian barbecue joint picked by that’s Beijing and City Weekend readers as the city’s best restaurant.

6. The Bookworm — Kick back again, this time glass of wine in hand, and read some more books in the high-ceilinged downstairs or on the rooftop garden.

7. Browns — Good pub grub, good draft beer selection, good place to lose your inhibitions and do some bar top dancing.

8. Modern Nomads — Enjoy throat singing while sipping the best (er, only) Chingis martinis in town.

9. Beer Mania — An excellent combination of mostly Belgian beers and quality cocktails (Mojito, Long Island) in a laid-back atmosphere.

10. Q Bar — The most consistent high-quality cocktails in town and a spacious deck to boot.

Throw in other northern spots such as Saddle (good burritos), Apertivo (good people watching) and Jazz-Ya (good Long Islands), southern ones such as Salsa Caribe, Banana Leaf and Phil’s Pub (good 10-kuai Gin Tonics), nearby establishments such as The Pavillion, Alfa and Yugong Yishan, and more clubs than you can shake a stick at on Gongti west and north, and Sanlitun not only did not take a mortal blow last year, but is living proof of the saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

My two kuai: Pre-TBJ awards bar picks

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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that’s Beijing announces its annual bars and clubs awards tonight. Below, in capital letters, are the places I think deserve to win (all in my extremely humble opinion, of course).

Hotel Bar

I usually frequent hotel bars for work-related reasons and have to give Centro credit: there is always a decent number of people, usually decent martinis and sometimes decent live jazz. In terms of slickness, it’s about as dependable as Beijing bars get. Expect this category to be much more crowded next year with new bars in the Crowne Plaza, Hilton and other hotels competing against older ones such as Centro, Hyatt’s Redmoon and Shangri La’s Cloud Nine.

Bar Snacks

Saddle (burritos) and Fish Nation (our fine-finned friend with chips) both offer good filler in Sanlitun north, Bellagio has the Taiwanese angle covered, Cafe Pause, while technically not a bar, has tasty snacks up in the 798 Art District, and there are innumerable kebab stands where night owls may bulk up on meat and fat, not to mention a week’s worth of salt. Decent eats these are all, but I’m giving a slight edge to two places: Mojito, which despite it’s somewhat car-park like feel offers up the super tasty Mexican hamburger, and The Den, which pumps out the pizza and deep-fried goodies 24/7.

Place to Dance

A few years ago I did the White Man Shuffle as well as any endomorph. Alack and alas, I have now regressed to a mere wiggle, usually in the shadows, and what could be more ideal than a place where everyone else’s eyes are glued to the writhers busting moves on the bar top. The award thus goes to Browns, with honorable mentions to Suzie Wong’s and Maggie’s.

Cheap drinks

Phil’s Pub: A standout among the plethora of 10-kuai drink joints, with friendly owners, a decent layout and better-than-average drinks, not to mention a convenient location just 200 yards from my apartment (how selfish). Plus, the place lets patrons order in kebabs.

People Watching

Apertivo, No-name Bar, Centro, Maggie’s and numerous other places all merit mention in this tough category, but if a winner must be named, and if it counts as a bar, this award goes to The Bookworm, where you can not only scope out the patrons, but also overhear phone calls and conversations, discover a potential mate’s reading preferences (“Dan Brown? Next!“), and see if their caffeine fix comes from lattes, Diet Cokes or Irish coffees. (Yes, yes, The Bookworm is not exactly a bar or club, but they do sell ample quantities of beer, wine and cocktails, and besides, that’s Beijing has the place listed on its ballot, so blame them!)

Happy Hour

Centro offers great high-end value with their two-for-one cocktails, Beer Mania has 500 ML of Belgian draft for 40 kuai and discounted bottled Belgian Beer until 8 PM, The Den offers two-for-one pizza and beer, and Cheers pours two Wild Turkey shots for 30 RMB until 10 PM. What makes a happy hour superior depends on where you feel comfortable and what you like to drink, and the places all above excel in their own ways, so this is a four-way tie.

Best Outdoor

Another tough category, with contenders such as Bar Blu and Top Club (nice rooftops, same building), Q Bar (an even bigger rooftop, though the chairs are a bit hard), Hai Bar (a dark horse that offers cheap beers and views of Houhai on one side and the drum and bell towers on the other), Nuage (the same views, but fancier decor and higher prices), Suzie Wong’s (a nice getaway from the crowds inside, plus some of the best plastic plants in town), and The Pomegranate (for those in Shunyi). But the best of the bunch are Stone Boat, a small Qing-dynasty era spot set on a pond surrounded by trees and rocks in central Beijing‘s Ritan Park, and The Pavillion, with a lovely backyard made extremely cozy with comfortable wicker seating, elegant trees, and mellow lighting.

Business Networking

For drawing a diverse crowd that includes business executives, English teachers, homemakers, writers, MBA students and most everyone else, the award should go The Bookworm. There is no place, except perhaps for First Cafe last year, where I have made more connections.

Best Place for a Date

Le Cafe Igosso: Above-average food and a good wine list in a low-pressure atmosphere. If you’re looking at a Sunday afternoon, rather than a weekday dinner, then it’s No Name Bar. And if it’s an evening drink, rather than a meal, try the Q Bar, although going through that somewhat seedy hotel in which it is located might send some messages (possibly wanted, possibly not) to your significant other.

Student Hangout

The Loo: A bar that is long-closed and from another lifetime (not to mention another country). For this category, I’ll make like a soccer player and pass.

Best Beer

Browns, for its draft selection (including recent additions Stella Artois and Beck’s), and Beer Mania for its wide range of bottled Belgian beers and its Belgian draft.

Best Cocktails

This depends more on the bartenders than the establishments. I’ve had solid drinks at Centro, great mint-based cocktails at Garden of Delights, and some good but cheap beverages, courtesy of Sally and Alex at Phil’s Pub. I also remember tasty cocktails at Alfa, Jazz Ya, Browns (hit and miss), 5:19, The Big Easy, and places too numerous to mention. But in the end, only one place consistently pumps out a wide range of high-quality drinks, and thus the award goes to George Zhou and Echo Sun at Q Bar.

Bar of the Year

This bar has raised its beer prices, lost key staff, struggled with its interior decorating, dealt with DJ turmoil, faced numerous other challenges and, despite it all, had a greater impact on Beijing’s drinking scene than any other establishment in the past year. This bar has exerted influence because it consistently provides good clean fun, because it scores well in terms of design, atmosphere, food and beer selection, and because it is frequented by a sizeable number of the city’s bar owners, managers and employees. Love it or hate it, this bar has firmly planted itself in the party landscape, providing not only great value for patrons, but also food for thought for those in the industry, and this combination should earn it the bar of the year award. This bar is Browns.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

World Cup wrap-up

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Having checked out some ten venues for World Cup watching, top marks go to Ritan Park, where two large screens were mounted atop the altar in the central compound. They lost the signal during the U.S.-Ghana game and did not have CCTV as a backup, but Browns avoided the problem the second time around, and they were also better than most places in keeping the beer flowing. 5:19 was a nice stop as there was space to stretch out and manager Dave McCullough whipped up some special Canada Day drinks. (By the way, imagine if the average person emulated some of the World Cup players and acted as though a minor incident were a life-threatening one: we’d have people taking two weeks off work for paper cup, going into apparent cardiac arrest because of the hiccups, and sprawled out on sidewalks everywhere because of the pollution.)

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

A Lulu of a night

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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From early afternoon to late evening the rain drummed roofs, drenched streets and inspired people to place potted plants beneath ceiling drips. Such a relentless downpour sent many citizens scurrying home from work to tuck themselves safely indoors. But it also invigorated the night owls, who shook weather from feather and decided it was time to head out and party.

In this spirit, my visiting friend Lulu and her friend Lala and I splashed to Browns, which almost always offers good clean fun. It was near midnight and the place was near full. We sipped our drinks and wondered who would be, out of a crowd heavy that night with lithe young women in belly-revealing tops and eager young men wearing (at least in spirit) pocket protectors, the first brave soul, among those who braved the weather, to mount the bar top and boogie?

The winner: a slightly chubby young bloke with a Buddha smile, a low thick spike of hair, a blue shirt and a dance repertoire that is best described as minimalist, but that inspired… a woman, in a citrus-yellow tank top, and two friends to jump up and perform some slightly (correction: infinitely) more sultry moves, which inspired… a goateed man and a black-clad woman–a mover and a shaker–to parade up and down the bar top, which inspired… Lulu and Lala, who by day hold what most people would consider respectable professions and who by night live out some Flashdance-Fly Girl fantasy, which inspired… well, you get the picture. And it’s certainly not one that appeals to the prudes or the sophisticate wannabes, but for the couple of hundred people on a dark and stormy night, it was what it was, which was good, clean fun.

Lulu and Lala danced for over an hour, while I looked after the bags and kept hydrated with a too-weak Gin and Tonic and a passable Long Island. I also learned from Browns supervisor Jackie Lin that a new Happy Hour was planned, from 5-9 PM, with two-for-one drinks, 25-kuai bottled beer and 20 percent off draft.

Then, just as the monkeys had once come down from the trees to found the human race, now the humans—that would be Lulu and Lala–came down from the bar to find perhaps not a monkey, but a guy hopping around a bit like one due to a desperate need to visit the little boy’s room. The timing was auspicious as I entered and found one of the century’s more fascinating discourses on music playing out (in all places) at the urinals by (of all people) the two patrons beside me — one wearing a baseball cap backwards (always fashionable in some place, somewhere) and one wearing day-glo sunglasses. As I cannot simultaneously answer the call of nature and take notes, I can only provide the gist of their exchange:

“Duuuuuuuuuude.”

“Yeah, dude?”

“Awesome music…”

“Excellent.”

“I mean, this is… it’s… I love this stuff.”

“It’s chill.”

I am not making light of their choice of words per se, but rather their admiration of a music set that included Michael Jackson, Nancy Sinatra, ACDC and The Village People. Yes, people had been dancing, but surely better song combinations exist. Furthermore, can any self-respecting backwards-baseball-hat-wearing person describe a set that contains nary a Backstreet Boys song “chill”?

I returned to the bar somewhat more sober and when “Thriller” came on for the second time, or was it the third, Lulu, Lala and I headed to… the second floor of The World of Suzie Wong’s, which has a good chance of winning top prize as most likely bar in which to catch an airborne STD. Of course, I’m kidding, since everyone knows that such diseases usually come from bodily contact, but… now that I think of it… that place is crowded and there are a high number of sleazy types per square meter…

While Lulu and Lala were in line to check in their shoes or their belts or their whatever (morals?), I slid almost horizontal into a big chair by the door and, quite bored, started giving people that old point-the-gun greeting. I could be wrong, but I think it was invented in the 1970s, during the Saturday Night Fever era. It entails sticking out your hand as if it were a gun, with the index finger being the barrel, and pretending to shoot someone, all while happily smiling at him/her. It’s supposed to mean: “Hi there!” The proper response in this case: a scowl or a feigned punch at me for engaging in such behavior in a club. The actual response: EVERY person who passed returned my greeting, often with TWO guns and BIGGER smiles. They were a friendly (and stylish) lot and I already feel bad about my sleaze comment, so I should clarify that I don’t think all or even most people are like that in Suzy Wong, just a significant minority. (Actually, before Suzy Wong fans email me en masse, let me say I like the place. It has some decent drinks, an interesting decor upstairs and an excellent deck, but there just seems to be something… creepy… about that second floor).

Lulu and Lala eventually checked in and in we went. The place is large and, on this night, sweaty and swarming. A sizeable bar dominates the area near the door. We grabbed drinks, peered about, and Lala found her friends. They were all male and I could sense the possibility of a game of “crowd out the guy we don’t know by slowly moving together so that our shoulders create a barricade that places us between him and the womenfolk.” I hung about for a bit and then headed to the deck for a break. It was still pouring and I parked in a chair under an umbrella, chatted with other Floor Two Refugees, and regularly sent SMS to Lulu to monitor the situation. When three messages went unreturned, I realized a chilling possibility: given the massive amounts of cologne worn by the male clientele, her cell phone might have not only been shorted out, but also she might be drowning! I rushed downstairs (after finishing my drink) and she and Lala were near the dance floor with the kind of look of terror that probably inspired the line in Hotel California, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” Luckily, I did not have to use my Brazilian Jiu-jitsu skills as a Pussycat Dolls song distracted people long enough for us to make an escape. The moral of the story: The Eagles were wrong!

(From Beijing Boyce XVIII, first emailed on June 8, 2006)

Beijing Boyce XX: Mailbag!

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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Email: “Congratulations on passing the 50,000-word mark, but where do you find the time?” — A.E.

BB: It’s easier than it seems. An average biweekly issue is 2,500 words and, since most of the material constitutes simple observations, I can write 300 or more words per hour. That means about thirty or forty minutes per night on the laptop, less than many people spend watching TV, one habit I somehow failed to acquire.

As for research, the key is to mix work and play, food and drink. For example, if I meet a business acquaintance at Browns for dinner, then walk to Q Bar for a drink with a friend, popping my head into First Cafe and Beer Mania on the way, then in three hours I end up with one meal, two drinks and four newsletter entries. I’m sure this is disappointing to some who imagine me pounding down a dozen cocktails a night and stumbling about town, pockets full of taxi receipts, to serve the communal liver. I do indulge in the occasional pub crawl, but alack and alas this newsletter requires taking notes and that requires some sobriety.

(From Beijing Boyce XX, first emailed on July 13, 2006)

Beijing Boyce XIX: Opening Shots

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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The AmCham-China U.S. Independence Day party is slated for July 2 and will feature pizza, burgers, hot dogs and pizza, beer and soda, music from the Icehouse band and from Chris of Nashville, and children’s games and fireworks. I’m helping and thus onsite all the livelong day, and at least 33 readers of this newsletter will be there, including Kraft-D and Alpha Veda (see issues II, XII), who are flying in from Shanghai. Drop by and have some barley pops with us. Tickets must be bought beforehand, include four food and drink coupons, and are 150-200 kuai (children under five get in free). For more info, check amcham-china.org.cn, email me, or visit Browns tonight night (Thursday, starts 10PM), where I’ll be cheering my team Ghana as they play the U.S. in the World Cup. / The Canadians get into the patriotic spirit a day earlier, on July 1, with the Canada-China Business Council organizing a national day party in Wangfujing. For details, see canadadaychina.com. For those Canucks who want an early start, Richard Liu reminds that the Fourth Annual Canada D’eh! Cocktail is June 30 (10:30PM-2AM) at TRIO. Email info@clubcanada.net to RSVP. / Was it not literally yesterday that Beijing’s grape scene grew a bunch with the creation of The Cellar (soft opening: June 27) and its associated wine club? Now word comes that another club, this one focused on Bordeaux, is set to open (more details next issue). Speaking of The Cellar, memberships to Club 88 are now available. / The Beijing Cheese Society has been quiet lately, but no worries fromage fans, as co-founder Sharon Ruwart says that plans for more tastings are in the works. / Finally, I have sent out a short survey to those who have expressed interest in my planned Whisky and Bourbon Society. If you didn’t receive it, and are interested in the society, let me know. Special thanks to reader Eddie O. for his input.

(From Beijing Boyce XIX, first emailed on June 21, 2006)

A Cup-le of observations

Posted on October 3, 2006 by boyce

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On my planet, the World Cup is a colossal chalice from which the peoples of the globe take a healthy draught in the name of peace. On this one, it is a bunch of matches during which players run back and forth like caffeinated gazelles, flop on the grass like gored bulls, and periodically direct a ball toward, and more rarely into, a net (and then blow kisses and pile on one another). Some day, I may fully understand these phenomena. Until then, here are ten World Cup observations from a soccer/football novice:

(1)

Did anyone NOT make the link between the U.S. fielding a player named Pope and earning a tie against Italy? “Italy tackles Pope” – that phrase alone inhibited the boys from Rome.

(2)

Why not give the referees more options than a yellow card (caution) or red card (ejection)? Possible additions:

- Black card: For a foul deserving more than a red card; the suspension equals in games the number of times the referee thrusts the card skyward.

- Black Card, with Jolly Roger: For an exceptionally egregious foul; offending player is executed on-field; final meal is allowed, counts toward injury time.

- Green Card: For convincing an opposing player to defect to your country, thereby reducing his team’s strength.

- Smiley-face Card: For helping up three fallen opponents during a game.

- Plaid Card: For fouls committed by Scottish players.

- Origami Card: For fouls committed by Japanese players.

- Jean-Luc Pi-Card: For fouls committed by players who are bald, eloquent, and/or Star Trek fans.

(3)

The sombrero is an unfortunate national symbol for Mexico, as is obvious to any fan sitting behind someone who is wearing or waving one.

(4)

Isn’t it a bit unfair to have two teams against one, such as in the England versus Trinidad and Tobago match?

(5)

One word, five letters: Ghana. That’s my team. I called the country’s embassy in Beijing last week and had the following conversation (it has been abbreviated for readability):

Me: I’m a fan of the Ghana team and want to get a jersey. Does the embassy have any for sale?

Ghana Guy: No.

Me: Do you know where I can get one?

GG: My guess would be Ghana.

Me: It wouldn’t arrive in time for Sunday’s game [it was Thursday]. Doesn’t any place sell them in Beijing?

GG: No.

Me: How about flags? Do you have any Ghana flags?

GG: Yes, we have one.

Me: Can I buy it?

GG: I don’t think so. It’s flying above our embassy.

Me: Can I rent it instead?

GG: No-o-o!

Lucky for me, M-Dawg pointed me to slsflag.com.cn, where they have plenty of Ghana flags and in plenty of sizes. Incidentally, I didn’t have a favorite soccer team, so I adopted Ghana’s a month ago because in college I had two house mates, Thomas and Edward, from there. Plus, it’s Ghana’s first World Cup, they are underdogs, and the players are creative and happy-go-lucky. What else can you ask for, except that they pull off a major upset? Oh, wait. They did. Against Czech! Go Ghana!

(6)

Perhaps the most memorable comment from the English broadcasts came after an Italian player bloodied an American one with an elbow (and no, it wasn’t Pope): “Of course, nobody’s allowed to stay on the field with blood escaping from their bodies [short and thoughtful pause] these days.”

Second place? The following inconsistent statements, barely a minute apart: “It’s that sort of game, very even” and “Ghana could easily be up three or four.”

(7)

Why does the average American find soccer/football boring, but the average person everywhere else finds it exciting? Does this gap in views explain U.S. foreign policy? Could it be reduced if the players wore helmets, chewed tobacco and called a dozen timeouts per game? Discuss.

(8)

I find it amusing that players sometimes writhe on the ground due to the slightest contact with an opposing player but seem able to withstand, and even enjoy, being blindsided and knocked to the ground by their entire team after scoring a goal.

(9)

Why do the English fans sing “God Save the Queen”? Freddie Mercury has been dead for more than a decade.

(10)

Finally, as someone who has never been keen on football, the World Cup has been an eye-opener. Many games have been superb, the play has been fast and aggressive (yes, I realize that most of the time the players are not acting when they go down), and… wait… there was something else I wanted to mention… wait… what was it? Oh, yes… Ghana won!