Beijing Boyce

Ex-First Cafe, ex-Midnight bartenders George Zhou and Echo Sun will launch Q Bar on Sanlitun North, near Beer Mania, with the soft opening due in early May. Backed by foreign investors, Q Bar will focus on — no surprise — cocktails and have outdoor seating. / Based on a dozen pass-bys, Midnight has seen a huge drop in business since losing its bartenders a month ago in a debacle that, on one hand, has been a lose-lose-lose situation for the owners, staff and customers, and on the other hand, business as usual in Beijing. / Meanwhile, First Cafe, my favorite bar from late 2004 to summer 2005, has gone from being the city’s best-kept secret to an overpriced drinking hole. The cozy ambience no longer compensates for the anemic Bloody Mary (40 kuai) and passable Gin and Tonic (50 kuai), unless one has an excess of money and a dearth of taste. If you go, eschew the cocktails for beer and shots. / Speaking of which, the cost of a Gin and Tonic, using Bombay Sapphire, at four places last Saturday night: Phil’s Pub, 20; icehouse, 40; First Cafe, 50; Champagne, 55.2 (yes, they actually charge miao). Phil’s offers great value; icehouse and Champagne feature bands (the former’s is particularly good), and First Cafe has some atmosphere and, uh, a sit-down toilet. / Mint shortage! Pavillion was out two weeks ago, Champagne and icehouse last Saturday, and Mexican Wave last Sunday, the latter denying Agent Red Wolf a taste of its Mojito just hours before she finalized her top-five list (see below). Is this a niche market for an herb entrepreneur or do bars simply find the Mojito too time-consuming to make? / ASC Fine Wines is celebrating its tenth anniversary. It’s been a decade for Don St. Pierre, Sr. and crew, and they are the team to beat when it comes to wine distribution in China . See Closing Shots for their celebratory wine and Riedel glass special. / The Big Easy is on the chai-ing block and April looks to be its last stand. Catch a final Bloody Mary on the veranda at one of Beijing ’s landmark bars. / From Margaritas to Martinis, drinks are free for the ladies at Browns after 9 PM on Wednesdays. The downside: the gentlemen sometimes find their orders — those would be the drinks on which the bar MAKES money — backlogged behind 20 cocktails, even for something as simple as Whisky shots. / The Timeout readers’ party last Thursday at icehouse was packed and the band was rocking. The place was also hopping last Saturday night. That long hallway is still creepy and reminds me of “The Cask of Amontillado” (BYOT — Bring Your Own Trowel). / A Molinari Sambuca launch party was held in Beijing last Thursday at the ” European-style Conference Center ” in Chaoyang Park (thanks to SF for the invite). I found the cocktails either too sweet or too light, and instead took my Sambuca straight, which helped numb me toward the painfully bad presentation and foreign poseurs. Listening to three (translated) speeches was bearable, but pity the (Italian?) reps brought on stage some five times over ninety minutes, with almost everyone oblivious to them. And the following words, unless uttered for amusement purposes, should never start a speech at an alcohol launch: “In the course of human development…” By the way, these foreigners with weird glasses (i.e. primary blue with gold sparkles) and/or un-tucked designer dress shirts and/or the hair that’s supposed to look stylish but is more reminiscent of a bad mousse day and/or the “I’m a socialite in China, even though I’d be lucky to be runner up back home in a KFC assistant manager hiring campaign” attitude — where do they rent them? Uh oh, stop me, stop me… uh oh… I’m going… into… oh, no… day… dream… mode…

[I'm beside a guy wearing black heavy-rimmed glasses with mother-of-pearl inlay. His head is weighed down with mousse; he wears a neatly un-tucked dress shirt. When I first spoke to him, he gave me a look that said: "I'm in a charitable mood, so I will allow you to humor me." We have just exchanged "pleasantries."]

Me: “So, what do you do in Beijing ?” [Yes, that's a terrible question.]

Him: “What DON’T I do? Let’s just say that I’m in consulting.”

“Are you in any particular field?”

“Actually, I’m talented in numerous areas, but I guess if I had to pick one, I’d say communications.”

“That sounds, uh, extremely difficult.”

[My rapt attention has warmed him up. He re-untucks his shirt and continues.]

“Yes, it’s quite hard. I spend a lot of time on research, academic stuff, with a focus on a younger demographic. I’d hazard to call it leading edge, you know?”

[I nod, faux awe radiating outwards.]

“It’s very proactive. I get a chance to learn about them, they get a chance to learn about me; it’s the cross-cultural exchange I find so rewarding.”

“Hang on! You wouldn’t be consulting in ‘education,’ would you?”

“Uh, as I said, I think my field is best described as communications…”

“Hey, are you teaching English to kids!?”

With this, my “speaking partner,” as they say in his field, suddenly needs to refresh his drink.

This exchange is an exaggeration, of course, but there are a lot of poseurs out there. I recommend that expatriates ask themselves at least once a month: if I suddenly had to return home, what kind of job could I get? For the vast majority of us, the answer is humbling. [By the way, I'm not criticizing English teachers, as many are hardworking and dedicated, and many of the most successful people I know were English teachers at one time, so please save the hate e-mail, even though it would probably have fewer spelling mistakes than most of the stuff I get. Actually, I don't even want to criticize poseurs, either. Please DON'T start tucking in your shirts! Enjoy it while it lasts, and remember, this was all just a daydream. Now, back to opening shots...]

The Pavillion has moved its furniture about, printed new menus, and dropped the price on drinks, or at least on Long Islands . When I visited two weeks ago, the proprietor Russell Probert kindly treated me to a beer and said work was about to begin out back, where a Mediterranean restaurant will be added and landscaping done. / Le Petit Gourmand’s new sundeck is, by all reports, very cozy. Since my “live bug falling out of Parmesan can and onto pizza” incident earlier this year, I’ve only been back once and stuck to the high-value lattes — big mug, 15 kuai. / I went to Saddle and ordered the large burrito (50 kuai; didn’t the same size used to be 35 kuai?). The waitress leaned against the counter, loudly chewed her gum (mouth wide open) and cow-stared as I ate my meal. Not comfortable. The music, which included John Cougar and Ram Jam, was good. / Last week, I reported that Trio will soon open across from the Lido Hotel. It’s actually the Rosedale Hotel. / Cafe Pause will apparently change its menu — again. The blue cheese and spinach dumplings with pesto sauce were fantastic, everyone loved them, and I was annoyed they were no longer available when I recently hiked all the way to Dashanzi. Consistency, especially with the good things in life (like blue cheese dumplings), is a virtue. / I really enjoy the unpretentious patrons and atmosphere at Modern Nomads. Simply put, it’s a fun to place to kick back for an hour, sip a Mongolian vodka martini and watch live throat singing and pop music.

(From Beijing Boyce XIV, first emailed on April 6, 2006)