Beijing Boyce

As we approach the Year of the Dog, here are the bars and clubs I predict will emerge from Beijing’s mist (okay, it’s probably smog, but let’s be optimistic).

Lady Bar: If you’re male and walking down Sanlitun North, you’ve heard of this place hundreds of times – “Mister, lady bar, lady bar, massa-gee, looka looka!” Now what seemed to be only myth will become reality as an official Lady Bar opens, complete with velour furniture, painted cement floors, karaoke machines and a hundred touts out front.

I sense people are embracing the challenges of life in Beijing and thus expect some bars with realist names, including Black Lung, The Dirty Glass, Meiyou Fapiao, Spit-stained Sidewalk, Traffic Jam, Bu Zidao and Red Tape.

I also foresee a litter of Year of the Dog-themed bars (except for Doodoo, already taken by Zing). These will include Suzy Wang Wang, Bar-k, Arfa, Pooper Scooper, Gou Gou Bar, Ace of Spayed, Doghouse, Ruff house, and The Golden Fire Hydrant.

Given the popularity of Mix and Vics, I predict the following niche clubs: Fix (drug users), Hicks (farm clothing mandatory), Ticks (a place that bugs people), Wicks (gothic interior), Twix (chocolate fans), Trix (cereal fans), Matrix (Keanu Reeves fans) and Dominatrix (leather fans), as well as Dicks, Chix, Rick’s, Lix, Nix, Pix, Quix, and Bricks and Clicks, among others.

5:18, most likely between 5:17 and 5:19 (the latter two are real bars and nearly side by side on the same street).

Finally, as the Olympics get closer, entrepreneurs are gearing up to target tourists. Expect places such as The Five Rings, Do-Ping, Cheaters, The Pommel Horse, Opening Ceremony and, side by side, The Parallel Bars.

(From Beijing Boyce IX, first emailed on January 26, 2006)